What is the best way to give feedback in a relationship?
Answered by: Maya Diamond, MA, Relationship Coach
The best way to give feedback in a relationship is to, first of all, ask your partner the way that they like to receive feedback. Some people, for example, like compliments at the beginning and the end of the feedback. Some people don't. Some people like to be asked ahead of time, "Is this a good time to receive feedback right now?" Some people don't use that.
So I would say number one is to have a conversation about the way your partner likes to receive feedback, and to really listen, and to then do what they like.
Number two would be then once you've had that conversation, and you know how they like to give and receive feedback, I would say make sure you share what you're noticing first, share your feelings, then make a request.
For example, it would be something like, "I'm noticing that every time we eat dinner, I'm the one who does the dishes afterwards. When that happens, I feel frustrated, and I feel a little sad. And I'm wondering if you could help do the dishes after dinner more often. Are you willing to do that?"
And then the person says yes or no. Then you say, "Is there any way that I can support you in that?"
This comes from non-violent communication, which was created by Marshall Rosenberg, who's the founder of this type of communication that really emphasizes sharing your feelings so that it actually de-escalates defensiveness. It allows both people to really open their hearts, and to not feel blame, shame, etc.
So I would say number one is to have a conversation about the way your partner likes to receive feedback, and to really listen, and to then do what they like.
Number two would be then once you've had that conversation, and you know how they like to give and receive feedback, I would say make sure you share what you're noticing first, share your feelings, then make a request.
For example, it would be something like, "I'm noticing that every time we eat dinner, I'm the one who does the dishes afterwards. When that happens, I feel frustrated, and I feel a little sad. And I'm wondering if you could help do the dishes after dinner more often. Are you willing to do that?"
And then the person says yes or no. Then you say, "Is there any way that I can support you in that?"
This comes from non-violent communication, which was created by Marshall Rosenberg, who's the founder of this type of communication that really emphasizes sharing your feelings so that it actually de-escalates defensiveness. It allows both people to really open their hearts, and to not feel blame, shame, etc.
What’s the hardest part about giving feedback in a relationship?
This Expert Answer was provided by Maya Diamond, MA, Relationship Coach. Visit their Expert wikiHow Author Page for more from this expert.
