How should I end my friendship

REFLECTIVE_WAFFLES

12/09/25 7:57pm

So I have this toxic friend, she D.A.R.V.O.s on me often and is really manipulative, I feel like if I end it she'll make everything my fault because I'm her only friend, then she'll just go to my friends. I want to end it, but how do I???

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Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist

02/03/26 5:01pm

First, I want to say that it's not only ok to want to end a toxic friendship, but it's wise. A lot of times, we feel bad if we are ending a friendship, even if we realize it's not good for us. We feel we need to maintain the relationship for a variety of reasons: previous history, guilt, the person is friends with other friends of ours, etc. But just like anything in life-- a job, a relationship, a friendship-- if you recognize it's not good for you mentally, it's a smart decision to honor your feelings.

I would say something like this to your friend: "I realize that this friendship is no longer serving me the way that I need. I'm going to take space from this, and I'm wishing you the best."

I am a licensed clinical social worker providing general information for educational purposes only. I am not liable for any decisions made or actions taken based on the information provided.

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Crushingonzacharyherrera

12/12/25 3:22pm

you can't control how she reacts, only how you act. You recognize her potential D.A.R.V.O. (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender) and manipulation, and decide now that it doesn't matter. Her feelings are not UR responsibility.Tell her in a text, email, or a public place where she can't cause a scene. A simple, "Our friendship is no longer healthy for me, and I need to end it. I wish you the best" is enough. Don't JADE like Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. She will poke, prod, and twist your words. Don't fall for it. Repeat the boundary like a broken record: "I've made my decision," or "As I said, I'm ending the friendship." This is where the magic happens. Block her number, social media, and email immediately after sending the message. You don't owe her a conversation and and and Talk to your friends first like Get ahead of it. Give your REAL friends a heads-up that you've ended a toxic friendship and that your "friend" might be spreading rumors or gossip after the fact. True friends will understand. You might feel guilty, but that's just the old habit. Focus on how much lighter you'll feel without all that manipulation since she's red asf.You are strong enough to walk away. It's going to be messy because she will try to make it messy, but the mess is temporary, and your freedom is forever SAME COUNTING FOR YOUR PEACE OF MIND.

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