Should I Send a Text to My Ex?

Take this quiz to figure out if it's the right move or if you should steer clear.

Wanting to text your ex is completely normal. That was someone you used to be close to. You may even share cherished memories or closely-guarded secrets. But, depending on your intentions and how the relationship went down, it may not be the right thing to do right now.

Answer these questions, and we'll help you figure out why you want to text your ex and whether or not it's a good idea to hit them up. We've got you!

A woman contemplatively looking at her phone.

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Questions Overview

1. Why do you want to text your ex?
  1. I miss them and want to get back together.
  2. I miss them but just want to be friends.
  3. I'm just looking for a hookup, actually.
  4. Honestly, I'm feeling bored or lonely.
  5. I just need to talk to them about logistics, like getting my stuff back.
2. Who broke up with who?
  1. They broke up with me.
  2. I broke up with them.
  3. The breakup was mutual.
3. When did you break up?
  1. Less than a month ago
  2. 1-2 months ago
  3. 3-6 months ago
  4. 6+ months ago
4. How did things with your ex end?
  1. Pretty well! We were both respectful about it.
  2. Things were a little messy, but not too bad.
  3. Not well. We really saw the worst sides of each other.
  4. Honestly, things just kinda fizzled out...
5. Are you talking to anyone else?
  1. Yes, and I lowkey like them.
  2. Yes, but it's nothing serious.
  3. No, I'd rather stay single right now.
  4. No, I miss my ex too much.
6. Is your ex talking to anyone else right now?
  1. Yes, but they don't compare to me!
  2. No. Honestly, it looks like they're taking a break from dating.
  3. I'm not sure.
7. Are you over your ex?
  1. Yes, I've healed and moved on.
  2. No. I still have feelings for them.
  3. Honestly, I'm not really sure.
8. How do you think your ex would feel if they got a text from you right now?
  1. They honestly wouldn't care.
  2. They'd probably be happy about it.
  3. They'd probably be upset or annoyed, tbh.
  4. Honestly, I'm not sure.
9. Have they blocked you?
  1. Yes
  2. No
10. Do you think you're ready to be in a relationship?
  1. Yes. It's been a minute since I've dated and I've had time to heal.
  2. No. I still need a little bit more time before I want to date again.
  3. I'm not sure. I feel like I am, but I still have lingering feelings.

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How to Navigate a Relationship with Your Ex

Let's face it, talking to an ex is awkward. That used to be your person, now they're just a person, and that may feel weird, especially if you're trying to be friends with them. If that sounds like you, we're happy to let you know that there are ways to make navigating that relationship easier. Hear what wikiHow's expert partners had to say about the topic:


Give yourself time to consider if you're really ready for a friendship. Relationship counselor Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC, says to take time for yourself before deciding whether or not you want to befriend your ex. Make sure you've accepted that the intimate relationship has ended, then you can decide whether or not you want to be friends.[1] Give yourself time to think about what a friendship would look like, consider whether you want to be friends with them because of their personality or just because they're your ex, and make sure you're confident in your decision.


Be open about your intentions and remain friendly. Licensed professional counselor Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, says when it comes to building a friendship with an estranged ex, be open about your intentions and keep things friendly.[2] Don't try to play games or come at them sideways for what happened in the relationship. Depending on how they feel, they may be open to rekindling a friendship with you.


Don't change who you are; instead, be your open, honest self. Dating & relationship coach Christina Jay, NLP, says when it comes to figuring out how to act around your ex, it's best to be your open, honest self and not second-guess anything. You're a single person, and you don't have any reason to change yourself for your ex.[3] So, the next time you two are around each other, be yourself and keep it real. Don't worry about needing to alter your personality for them.


If you're still into them, see if there's a chance to get back together. Relationship coach Sixu Chen says that if you find yourself falling back in love with your ex, "Don't judge yourself for that feeling. If something didn't work out before and you broke up, but your feelings are still there, embrace that feeling and then see if there is any potential to get back together. If not, then let go. Otherwise, it's just pain," Chen advises.[4]

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References

  1. ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ Christina Jay, NLP. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  4. ↑ Sixu Chen. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview