Am I a Switch in Bed?

Do you follow orders or take charge in bed?

"Switches" are people who can both take orders, like a submissive, or take charge, like a dom. It's a role not everyone can fill, and it takes a special kind of person to strike that balance. Sound like you?

Answer a few simple questions, and we'll tell you if you're a switch or you like your power dynamics a little more black-and-white.

An illustration of a leather mask, cuff, and whip.

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Questions Overview

1. Are you the type to move in for the kiss first?
  1. Totally. If I want something, I'll make a move!
  2. Sometimes, if the vibe feels right.
  3. Nah. I'd rather wait for the other person to start things.
2. What's most important to you?
  1. Feeling safe
  2. Feeling seen
  3. Feeling respected
  4. Feeling free
3. How do you respond when someone is rude to you?
  1. I explain very clearly how I won't tolerate it.
  2. I'm rude right back. Two can play at that game!
  3. I don't. I just mind my business and carry on.
  4. I ask someone else to handle it.
4. When you're with a partner in the bedroom, you want to feel more...
  1. Excited
  2. Relaxed
5. Would you rather give someone flowers, or receive flowers from someone?
  1. Give!
  2. Receive.
  3. Why not both?
6. Are you usually the one making plans or the one getting invited to things?
  1. I make the plans.
  2. I get invited.
  3. A little of both!
  4. Neither, tbh.
7. Do you find it awkward when someone is watching you while you focus on something?
  1. Yes, absolutely. Leave me alone and let me concentrate!
  2. Sorta, but I can handle it.
  3. Not really. Actually, it helps me perform better.
8. Choose a ~spicy accessory~ to try:
  1. Blindfold
  2. Cuffs
  3. Tickler
  4. Whip
9. Which kind of relationship would you rather have, generally?
  1. One-night stand
  2. Friends with benefits
  3. Open relationship
  4. Long-term monogamous relationship
10. Would you say you trust people easily?
  1. Yes. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.
  2. Meh. I trust new people, but I'm also careful.
  3. Not really. You have to earn my trust.

More Quizzes

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Top, Dom, Vers, Switch, Bottom, or Sub?

These terms are a mix of queer slang and sexual terminology, and if you've been online in the past five years, you've probably noticed how often they've been used in the mainstream. Of course, that means they also get misused, and we're here to clear the air.

Tops are people who penetrate their partners during sex. Doms (dominant) are people who take charge during sex. Just because someone is a top doesn't make them a dom.

Verses (or versatile) are people who both penetrate and are penetrated during sex, depending on the vibe. Switches are people who can be both dominant and submissive in bed, again depending on the vibe.

Bottoms are people who are penetrated during sex. Subs (submissive) are people who follow directions and aim to please during sex. Just because someone is a bottom doesn't mean they're a sub.


Now that we're clear on the terms, here's what your potential quiz results say about you!


Dom
As a dom, you like to take control and lead the way. You know what you want, and you know how to get it. You enjoy telling other people what to do, and you like to get your way. Hey, who doesn't? Crucially, you know how to guide others in a way that makes them feel safe. They trust you to make the right move so that everyone has a good time. It's a lot of responsibility being a top, but you know how to handle it, and you love to have the reins in your hands. Just don't go too hard with the whip!


Switch
As a switch, you feel comfortable both taking control and following orders, confirms sex and relationship coach Amanda Dames.[1] You easily slip in and out of both roles and are able to adapt to the situation as needed. You're flexible and versatile, and you have the keen senses and intuition to know when you need to be in charge versus when you can take a step back and focus on taking directions. It's a careful balance you have to strike, and if you falter, the whole power dynamic can get confused or stop working, which is why you're always paying attention and responding to others' needs. Dames adds that a switch is also someone who is curious and open about other roles. It's something that isn't natural to them but they are open to experiencing both dominance or submission.[2]


Sub
As a sub, you're most comfortable taking orders and following directions. You don't want to fuss around with planning or logistics, and being in charge is a little too much responsibility for you. You'd rather sit back, have fun, and make other people happy, which makes you happy! It's not always easy work being a sub, and sometimes you're definitely putting in more work than others, but you like to get things done and see the satisfaction that your effort gives to your partners. There's nothing like it, and you wouldn't have it any other way!

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References

  1. ↑ Amanda Dames. Sex and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ Amanda Dames. Sex and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview