Amanda Dames Website

Amanda Dames

Sex and Relationship Coach

Amanda Dames is a sex and relationship coach who specializes in kink and mismatched desire. With over a decade of experience helping individuals and couples navigate intimacy, communication, relationships, and desire, Amanda is a Certified Sexologist, Somatica® Certified Sex and Relationship Coach, and the founder of The Kink Consultant. Before becoming a coach, she worked as a professional dominatrix in New York City, an experience that gave her unique insight into human behavior, boundaries, consent, and connection. Amanda is the host of The Kink Consultant Podcast and has been featured in publications including Cosmopolitan, Women's Health, The Knot, New York Post, and HuffPost. Through her coaching, writing, and media appearances, she works to make conversations about relationships and sexuality more approachable, practical, and free from shame.

Professional Achievements

  • Featured in Cosmopolitan, Women's Health, HuffPost, CourtTV, and the New York Post

Certifications & Organizations

  • American Board of Sexology Certification number 24023

Favorite Piece of Advice

Lead with curiosity, end with gratitude. Whenever you or your partner are sharing desires or interests, lead with questions; ask why or how. When they share or listen, thank them at the end of the conversation.

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Forum Comments (1)

Basic pointers how to dirty talk?
In its simplest form, dirty talk is just saying out loud what's happening, but speaking about it in a mostly positive or at least constructively positive way. Even a negative phrase like “You're being such a bad girl” can really turn someone on if their fantasy is to be considered a bad girl. So, with dirty talk, call out what is actually happening in the moment.

Another trick with dirty talk is to call out things that people can sometimes be vulnerable or sensitive about. The way they smell, the way they taste, how they look. And what it does is take people out of the element of being self-conscious, or even put things on display and make them aware of it, but that vulnerability can heighten tension and make it more exciting.

Dirty talk is an open-book test. You can ask your partner beforehand what they want to hear. You can test it and get feedback after, and see what they want and build on it. Asking simple questions that have definitive yes/no answers- so not open-ended questions, but closed questions, so they don't have to think- can also keep them engaged. Like, “Does that feel good?” It's a simple yes or no. It's not a " How does that feel?" because then the person has to think.

Co-authored Articles (25)

Bondage 101: How to Tie Up Your Lover, Explained

The step-by-step guide to safe, consensual rope playTying someone up can be a fun and sexy thing to do—for both you and the person you're tying up. The heightened sensations and vulnerability can result in some thrilli...

Best Ways to Watch Porn: A Complete Guide

Discover how to enjoy porn by yourself or with a partnerIt’s time to talk about the elephant in the room: porn. Plenty of people engage with it on a regular basis, yet pornography has become such a taboo topic that it�...

How to

Be Romantic in Bed

Everybody likes a little romance. This is great for a relationship, bringing you closer to each other, and it opens opportunities for you and your partner to get to know each other better too. Being more romantic isn't h...

Why Are Straight Men So Obsessed With Breasts?

Sex & relationship coach Amanda Dames explains the appeal of breastsIt’s a well-documented fact that many straight men love breasts. Like, a lot. But, scientifically and culturally speaking, what exactly is driving the...

What Is BDSM and How Do You Start? (For Beginners)

Sex and Relationship Coach Amanda Dames explains what BDSM is and how to explore it safelyWhen you imagine BDSM, your mind might jump straight to an intense dungeon filled with shackles, leather, whips, and pain, but is ...

How to

Talk Dirty in Bed

Talking dirty in bed with your partner isn't always an easy thing to do. Research says that sexual communication is directly linked to an increased sexual satisfaction. The more comfortable you are talking dirty, the mor...

Am I a Switch?

"Switches" are people who can both take orders, like a submissive, or take charge, like a dom. It's a role not everyone can fill, and it takes a special kind of person to strike that balance. Sound like you? Answer a fe...

How to Tell Your Partner about Your Foot Fetish

Sex & relationship coach Amanda Dames explains what to say when revealing your foot fetish to your partner Don't be embarrassed about having a thing for your partner's sexy, alluring feet. There's a way to tell your spec...

How to Tell when a Guy Is Using You for Sex

Signs he’s not ready for a relationship with you (and is probably only after one thing)Finding out a guy is using you for sex can be painful, but it's also the first step in leaving a toxic relationship behind and movi...

Why Do Men Act Different After Sex? (Plus, What to Do About It)

Decoding his confusing behavior after intimacyYou thought that maybe you found the one, but after your first romp in the hay, you’ve started to have your doubts. Maybe he hasn’t texted you back, or his vibe is someho...

Role Playing With Your Spouse: Sexy Scenarios, Fulfilling Fantasies, & More

Sex & relationship coach Amanda Dames breaks down what you need to do to start roleplaying in the bedroomRole playing with your partner is a great way to bring a little spark to your relationship and get you excited abou...

Female-Led Relationships (FLR): A Complete Guide

Sex and Relationship Coach Amanda Dames explains the FLR relationship dynamic In a female-led relationship (FLR), the woman is the dominant partner and the man takes on a more submissive role. But how exactly does this r...

How to

Make Sex Important in a Relationship

Sex can be an important part of a romantic relationship with another person. Having sex with a person you love may be important to you to establish intimacy and reconnect with them. Expressing a healthy sexuality with so...

How to

Talk Dirty to a Guy

Many people feel ridiculous talking dirty, but with some experimenting to figure out what specifically works for you and your partner, it can be a lot of fun. Exactly what you say will depend on your age, experience, per...

How to

Show Cleavage

The best tops, bras, and styling tips to showcase your bosom buddies Showing cleavage is a powerful tool you can use to enhance your looks and make you feel sexy. In addition to your natural cleavage, there are many way...

How to

Be Really Sexy with Your Boyfriend

Wanting to kick things up a notch and be extra sexy for your boyfriend? Being sexy isn't hard once you know what men really like, and we've got all the juicy details. Keep reading for all kinds of steamy, sexy moves that...

A Complete Guide on How to Take Attractive Feet Pics

Sex & relationship coach Amanda Dames shares tips for taking the best feet picsAre you wondering how to take your feet pics from basic to amazing? There are so many things you can do to up your foot photography game! Whe...

How to

Deal With Sexual Frustration

Sexual frustration happens to most people at some point or another, and it can have an impact on your personal life and relationships. However, you can channel your frustration into healthy outlets like art or exercise. ...

How to

Look Sexy for a Guy

If you want to look sexy for a guy, there are many options to choose from! Try applying a shimmery body lotion to your chest and shoulders to draw his eye. Keep your face makeup natural-looking, but put on matte red lips...

How to

Become a Better Lover

Sex and Relationship Coach Amanda Dames gives advice on improving your intimate lifeWhether it's in the bed or out, a new relationship or an old one, everyone can stand to be a better lover. Your partner is worth it! Rea...
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