This article was co-authored by Eze Sanchez and by wikiHow staff writer, Elaine Heredia, BA. Eze Sanchez is a Life & Relationship Coach and the Founder of Eze Sanchez Coaching in Gainesville, Florida. He's been practicing as a coach since late 2016 and has more than 1,000 hours of collective training and experience in personal development. He specializes in helping people find self-acceptance, self-empathy, and self-love through building accountability and kindness for themselves. Eze has an Associates Degree in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Central Florida, a diploma in Massage Therapy from the Florida School of Massage, and a certificate from the Satvatove Institute School of Transformative Coaching.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
The search for a college roommate shouldn't be taken lightly! When you finally find the person you think is The One, you need to pop the question before they commit to other living arrangements. It may seem nerve-racking, but trust us, you got this! In this article, we'll teach you exactly how to ask someone to be your roommate, with examples of what to say. We'll also suggest where to find a roommate, as well as questions you might want to ask them before inviting them to live with you. Let's go!
How do you ask someone to be your roommate?
- Schedule a time to talk in-person or over the phone with no distractions.
- Be direct when you ask them ("I'm looking for a roommate. Are you interested?")
- Explain why you think you'd make good roommates.
- Mention your expectations, like splitting rent and chores.
- Answer all their questions honestly.
- Accept their answer gracefully.
Steps
How to Ask Someone to Be Your Roommate
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Schedule a time to talk to them with no distractions. Life and relationship coach Eze Sanchez says setting aside time to talk is a great way to tackle challenging conversations. The last thing you want, he says, is to spring such an important question on them "spur of the moment" when they don't have time to answer.[1] Instead, meet at a coffee shop, a quiet restaurant, one of your homes, or even in a park. If they live far away from you, set up a face-to-face call, so you can at least see their reaction when you ask them to be your roommate. For example, you can say:
- "Do you have time to talk? I want to run an idea by you."
- "I have something important I want to ask you. Can we meet in person sometime when you're free?"
- "I'd like to talk to you. Can we FaceTime when neither of us are busy?"
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Be direct when you ask them. After saying hello and asking how they've been, segue right into asking your important question. Avoid beating around the bush, especially since they're probably wondering why you asked to meet with or talk to them. Below are some examples of ways to pop the roommate question without sounding awkward:
- "Hey, I wanted to get your thoughts on possibly renting a place together."
- "The reason I asked you to meet me is that I wanted to know if you'd be interested in being my roommate."
- "I'm looking for a roommate. Would you be interested?"
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Explain why you think the two of you would be good roommates. After you ask them to room with you, they'll probably want to know why you chose them, specifically. You might mention how well you get along together, as well as how alike your personalities and habits are. You can also touch on things you each bring to the table, like communication, cleanliness, and integrity. For example, you can say:
- "I'm asking you because you seem cool, and I feel like our personalities mesh really well together."
- "We're both going to college, and we have similar goals, so I figured we would make good roommates."
- "I'm really good at communicating my plans. That means you can expect me to let you know when I'm going to get home late, or ask your permission when I want to have a lot of friends over."
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Mention your expectations, like splitting rent and sharing chores. It might feel intimidating to talk about your expectations when asking someone to be your roommate. Just remember that this isn't an extended sleepover—it's a contract. You're agreeing to live together and share spaces and expenses, so be up front about rules you expect everyone to follow.[2] One of the most important things to highlight is rent and bills, and another is the length of time you expect to need a roommate. For that and other non-negotiables, you can say things like:
- "Rent and utilities cost $1500, so to make it fair, we should split that amount in half."
- "I need a roommate who can commit to sharing an apartment for 9 months. I hope that's not a turn-off."
- "I'm not a neat freak, but I do like to keep things tidy. If you'd be okay with splitting chores, I think we can make it work."
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Answer all their questions honestly. Just as you have expectations for your roommate, your roommate will have expectations for you. As such, they'll probably ask you a lot of questions, like what you would do if they couldn't pay their half of the rent one month, or how you feel about them inviting their partner to spend the night. Answer honestly, because if you lie or say something vague, your words might come back to haunt you later. For example:
- If they ask if you're okay with having parties on Saturday nights, and you say, "Well, I don't mind if you have a few friends over," they might take that to mean that you're okay with hosting parties at your place.
- Instead, say, "No, I'm not comfortable with hosting parties," or "Yes, I love parties! Bring 'em on!"
- If they ask you if you mind being quiet until 10 AM because they get up late, don't say, "Well, I'm not sure, but I guess it wouldn't be a problem."
- Instead, say, "No, I'm sorry, I like to rise early, so things might get noisy before 10 AM," or "I'll definitely be quiet because I'll still be in bed, too!"
- If they ask if you're okay with having parties on Saturday nights, and you say, "Well, I don't mind if you have a few friends over," they might take that to mean that you're okay with hosting parties at your place.
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Accept their answer gracefully. If they say, "Yes," great! Start hammering out the ground rules, move-in dates, and maybe even sign a roommate contract. If they say, "No," don't be offended. It most likely doesn't have anything to do with you personally. They might not be able to afford the rent, or they might have already accepted an offer from someone else. However, even if they rejected your offer because they don't like you, that's okay—you probably dodged a bullet! After all, you definitely don't want to move in with someone who doesn't like or respect you.
- If you continue getting rejected by different potential roommates, consider whether your expectations are unrealistic. For example, a lot of people might object to a curfew or to following a schedule for using the bathroom.
- No roommate is going to be perfect! It's inevitable that you'll disagree on some things. Be prepared to compromise, but also know where to draw the line.
Expert Q&A
Tips
References
- ↑ Eze Sanchez. Life & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
- ↑ https://collegerealitycheck.com/ask-someone-be-college-roommate/
- ↑ https://www.collegemagazine.com/friends-to-roommates-how-i-avoided-disaster-with-the-perfect-formula/
- ↑ https://undergrad.mercer.edu/blog/5-questions-to-ask-your-potential-roommate/











