Can You Be Friends with an Ex? Experts + Readers Weigh In

Download Article

Plus, tips to make a friendship with an ex work

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Annabelle Reyes

Last Updated: February 15, 2026 Fact Checked

Download Article

• Can you be friends with your ex?
|
• Tips for Being Friends with an Ex
|
• When to Walk Away
|
• What to Do if Your Partner Is Friends with Their Ex
|
• Video

|Show more |Show less

So you’ve gone through a breakup, and now it’s time to answer the age-old question: Can you actually be friends with an ex? Although some people find it entirely possible, the majority of our readers remain pretty skeptical. In this article, we’ll do a deep dive into this question, complete with takes from wikiHow readers and advice from relationship experts, to help you figure out whether a friendship with your ex is the right call for you, or a recipe for disaster. Keep reading for everything you need to know!

Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

• Yes, it’s possible to be friends with an ex, but it can be difficult, and the success of the friendship depends on your unique situation.
• Our readers are split on this question: 53% of them believe staying friends with an ex isn’t worth the effort, but 25% say it might be possible, and 23% say they’re undecided.
• If you do decide to pursue friendship, readers agree that it’s essential to set clear boundaries, take things slow, and avoid all romance.

Steps

Section 1 of 4:

Can you actually be friends with your ex?

Download Article

1. 
   1
   Whether or not you can be friends with an ex depends on your unique circumstances. “This is a very person-dependent question,” explains psychotherapist Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. “Some people can be friends with their ex, and some people find it too painful.” There’s no hard and fast rule here—it just depends on whether you’re able to set aside your romantic history and build a new platonic foundation together. With healthy boundaries and communication, you may find it totally possible. On the flip side, you may end up feeling like it’s too messy or complicated, and that’s completely okay, too!

   • We asked our readers this question, and the majority were pretty skeptical. In fact, 53% of them said it’s best to walk away and keep your ex at arm’s length, rather than trying to be friends with them.
   • However, 25% of readers were open to the idea, but only with certain conditions. They said it’s possible to be friends with an ex, but this depends entirely on how the relationship ended.
   • Finally, 23% of readers said they’re still figuring out their opinion on this question, which just goes to show how confusing the transition from partners to exes to friends can truly be.

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW is a psychotherapist who specializes in individual and couples therapy, as well as the best-selling author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues.”

   Kate Dreyfus is a holistic love coach who is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup.

   Alexandra Solomon, PhD is a relationship therapist who is internationally recognized as one of today’s most trusted voices in the world of relationships.

   Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II is a therapist with over a decade of experience who specializes in couples work, life guidance coaching, and more.

   Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C is a couples counselor and family therapist who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships.
2. 2
   Although being friends with an ex is possible, it does present challenges. Even though you care for your ex as a person and want to stay in their life, it can be tough to move on from everything that you shared romantically. In fact, 59% of our readers said that letting go of hopes for a romantic relationship is the hardest part of trying to be friends with an ex. Additionally, 31% of our readers said that they struggled to manage lingering feelings of attraction post-breakup, which can definitely make a friendship with an ex more risky.

   • With all this in mind, it seems pretty clear that friendship with an ex is a no-go if either one of you is still hoping to get back together with the other.
   • “Ask yourself honestly if there are any residual feelings that you still have for your ex. If the answer is ‘yes,’ then you may need more time to heal, and that’s best without having any contact. If the answer is ‘no,’ and you feel your ex doesn’t have residual feelings either, you can always try a friendship and see how it goes,” advises Miller.
   • Below, we’ll go over a few tips for building a healthy friendship with an ex if you do decide to try it out!
Advertisement

Section 2 of 4:

Tips for Being Friends with an Ex

Download Article

1. 1
   Set clear boundaries for your friendship. “If both parties are interested in establishing a friendship, then it is essential to create clear expectations of each other in these new roles,” explains holistic love coach Kate Dreyfus. “It’s important to create boundaries, especially with what is okay and not okay. For example, not sharing what is going on in each other’s romantic lives until both parties are comfortable with it,” she says. Our readers agree that boundaries are essential in this situation, and they suggest these non-negotiable rules:

   • The Communication Rule: When trying to be friends with an ex, 38% of our readers said their top priority would be clearly communicating that no romantic feelings are allowed.
   • Hands Off: 32% of readers said it’s vital to set limits on physical affection and intimacy to avoid blurring the line between friendship and romance.
   • The New Relationship Talk: Echoing Dreyfus’s advice, 20% of our readers recommended establishing rules about discussing new partners to avoid any awkwardness or jealousy.
   • Time Management: Finally, 9% of readers suggested setting explicit limits on how much time you spend together.
2. 2
   Be patient as you build your new foundation as friends. It’s true that you know this person super well, but when you go from lovers to friends, you’re basically starting over from ground zero. “It’s like taking an apple and trying to turn it into an orange,” says relationship therapist Alexandra Solomon, PhD. “It’s a really different quality of relationship and foundation for a relationship.” It’s a complicated process, so try to be patient, and don’t expect to become besties overnight.

   • Our readers have similar advice, with 43% saying it’s important to take things slow and let the friendship develop naturally.
3. 3
   Focus on doing fun (non-romantic) activities together. For your new friendship to work, it’s important not to spend all your time together having emotional conversations about heavy topics. These convos are definitely important to have, but they shouldn’t be the entire focus of your connection. To balance out some of the tougher parts of the transition, 24% of our readers suggest spending quality time together and doing fun activities to help rebuild your bond outside of romance.

   • Just make sure your hangouts don’t feel too date-like! For example, going together to see a rom-com at the movies on Valentine’s Day is probably a bad idea.
   • On the flip side, going with a big group of your mutual friends to check out a new restaurant in town could be a great idea.
4. 4
   Stay in the present, rather than revisiting the past. You may find it tempting to reminisce on all the good times you shared together as a couple, but more often than not, this actually ends up being painful for both parties involved. Our readers agree that it’s best to avoid the “Remember when…” trap—15% of them say the best way to move forward is to stay in the present moment and avoid the past.
5. 5
   Be honest with each other and prioritize open communication. Building a friendship after a breakup involves a lot of complicated emotions, and our readers say it’s essential to be able to talk about them. In fact, 15% of them advocate for being open about feelings without any pressure when trying to rekindle a friendship with an ex.
Advertisement

Section 3 of 4:

When to Walk Away from Your Ex

Download Article

1. 
   1
   Take space immediately after the break-up to heal and let go. According to 39% of our readers, it’s essential to give each other space and time to heal before even considering a friendship. There’s actually scientific evidence to back this piece of advice up! “There’s been research to indicate that the only people who can do a friendship after a breakup are people who take a long amount of time, no contact,” explains Dr. Solomon. So, if the breakup just happened and your feelings are still fresh, start by spending some time apart, with very little or no communication.

   • Your ex will still be there in a few months, when you’ve actually moved on and feel ready to explore a friendship with them!
   • After taking some time to heal, you might even realize that you actually don’t want to be friends with them, and that’s alright, too.
   • This is why it’s so important to take space—your feelings will likely be jumbled immediately after the break-up, and you’ll be better able to tell what you actually want and need a few months down the line.
2. 2
   Maintain distance if you feel like you need to focus on self-growth. If you feel like hanging out with your ex is keeping you stuck in the past or hindering your ability to move on, it’s probably best to take space for a while, or to end the friendship altogether. Don’t feel obligated to spend time with them at your own expense! “If you are not in a space where you can be their friend, then you absolutely should not,” agrees therapist Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II. “You should put yourself first and tell them, like, ‘I need a break for a little bit.’”

   • Our readers second this, with 42% of them saying that it’s essential to focus on self-care and personal growth in order to move on.
3. 3
   If it’s too painful, accept that a friendship may not be possible. If you’ve given it a shot and it’s not working out, it’s completely okay to walk away and get a clean break. Similarly, if the circumstances of your breakup are super messy or hurtful, it may be best to avoid even trying to be their friend in the first place. Not all exes are meant to be friends, and that’s okay! “At the end of the day, they are your ex for a reason,” says dating coach Hardy Jean.
Advertisement

Section 4 of 4:

What to Do if Your Partner Is Friends with Their Ex

Download Article

1. 
   1
   If this makes you uncomfortable, tell your partner where you stand. Some people are not okay with their partner staying friends with an ex, and this is a totally understandable position to have. In fact, a whopping 79% of our readers consider a partner’s friendship with an ex to be a dealbreaker! If you’re concerned about the situation, start by voicing your feelings to your partner. “If there’s something going on that needs addressing, the first thing you have to do is address that openly,” without being accusatory, says licensed clinical social worker Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C.

   • For example, Bilek recommends saying something like, “Hey, I’m kind of uncomfortable that you’re going to see your ex every day,” to open up the convo.
   • Hopefully, your partner will understand where you’re coming from and distance themselves from their ex to focus on your relationship.
   • However, they may say that they are unwilling to give up their friendship with their ex, so you should be prepared for that outcome, too. If you decide it’s a dealbreaker, you may need to break things off with them.
2. 
   2
   If you’re willing to give it a try, focus on open communication. Not all people are against their partners staying friends with exes! In fact, according to relationship coach Cristina Morara, “In healthy relationships based on trust and respect, this should not be a problem.” Still, to make things work, you and your partner will need to have honest conversations about the situation. In fact, 44% of our readers say that open communication is the most helpful tool for managing this dynamic.

   • Morara adds that boundaries are a must. “There needs to be clear boundaries, and the friendship should never infringe on your relationship in any way. This means your ex should not use the friendship as an emotional outlet, a way to make you jealous, or keep their conversations secret,” she explains.
   • You could even try looking at it as an opportunity to grow! For example, 30% of our readers believe working on their own insecurities and feelings would be helpful for handling this situation.
   • An additional 12% suggest exercising radical acceptance and just making peace with the fact that your partner has a dating past. This may be easier said than done, but if you do work on this goal, it could do wonders for your self-confidence and security in your relationship.
Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Advertisement

Video

Tips

Submit a Tip

All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published

Name

Please provide your name and last initial

Submit

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!