Is My Friend Fake or the Real Deal?
There's nothing better than a true friend, someone you can count on through thick and thin...and there's nothing worse than a fake friend, the kind of person who acts kind and supportive on the surface, but actually doesn't have your best interests at heart.
Sometimes, it can be tough to figure out which camp your friend falls into, which is why we're here to help! Just answer these questions about your connection with this person and how they act toward you, and we'll tell you if it seems like they're a real friend or a fake friend.
Questions Overview
- Ugh, yes. I don't trust them with sensitive info anymore.
- They've let a few small things slip, but they keep big secrets.
- No. They'd never betray my trust like that!
- Yes, and it got back to me that they said pretty hurtful things.
- Yeah, but what they said wasn't too bad. I forgave them!
- Not that I know of, but I have some suspicions...
- Absolutely not! They wouldn't talk about me behind my back.
- Yes! I'd say we each put in an equal amount of effort.
- No, I'm always the one reaching out and asking to hang.
- No. If I'm honest, they're the one putting in more effort.
- It depends. Sometimes they put in more effort, other times I do.
- They seem genuinely happy for me and cheer me on enthusiastically.
- They act supportive to my face, then say something negative behind my back.
- They congratulate me, but in a way that's actually kind of insulting. ("Wow, great job! I wasn't sure you could do it.")
- They downplay it and shift the focus back to themselves. ("That's actually not that hard. I could easily do it.")
- They're indifferent about it or ignore it.
- Yes. They're always ignoring my boundaries and pressuring me into things.
- Sometimes, but they eventually give up and accept my "no."
- No! They would never want me to do something I was uncomfortable with.
- Yes. I'm pretty sure they've got some kind of agenda.
- I've suspected this, but I don't know for sure.
- No, that's not their vibe at all.
- Yes, 100%.
- Sometimes, but not always.
- No, not at all.
- Less than a year.
- 1-2 years.
- 3-5 years.
- 5 years or more.
- Yes. They're constantly trying to dim my light.
- Sometimes, but not always.
- No! They're genuinely happy to see me shine.
- Anxious
- Stressed
- Insecure
- Insulted
- Peaceful
- Safe
- Supported
- Comfortable
More Quizzes
Are They a Fake Friend or a True Friend?
A fake friend is someone who acts like your friend on the surface, but they don't have your best interests at heart. Maybe they're jealous or resentful of you, or they could be trying to benefit from the friendship or take advantage in some way. Whatever the case, they appear to be kind and supportive, but when you really sit and think about things, you realize that you don't really feel good around them. This can be a little confusing to figure out on your own, which is why we checked in with wikiHow's friendship and mental health experts for their insights on real vs. fake friends. Here's what they had to say:
Signs That a Friend is Fake
You can't trust them to keep your secrets. A friend is someone you can confide in because you trust that sensitive information will stay with them. If your friend constantly lets things slip that you've told them in confidence, this could be a sign that they're not a true friend.
- For example, "Someone that might not be a really good friend might tell everybody on social media, 'Hey, guess who failed their math test,' or laugh at you or make fun of you," explains teen life coach Desiree Panlilio.[1]
They don't put in as much effort as you. "We've all had friends where it's almost like we're chasing them...we're always the person to reach out to them, to call them, to invite them, and they never seem to call us or invite us. It's almost as if it's a one sided friendship...like the friendship would almost not even exist if it weren't for you constantly holding it up," explains licensed clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael, PhD.[2]
- Panlilio agrees that this is an important red flag to look out for. "If you're the one that always has to reach out to that person...it kind of means that they might be a priority to you, but you're not a priority to them," she says.[3]
They always need to be the center of attention. Do they celebrate your wins and cheer you on, or do they find little ways to downplay your successes, subtly cut you down, and shift the focus back to themselves? A true friend genuinely feels joy when you're winning, and they don't try to steal or dull your shine.
- "People who are 'fake' are often driven by ego. They may be narcissistic, self-indulgent, or driven by accolades of others," explains clinical psychologist Asa Don Brown, PhD.[4]
- And if you don't support their need for attention, they might get mad or treat you poorly. "It's not uncommon for these individuals to reject you the moment you stop feeding their ego," Dr. Brown says.[5]
They don't respect your boundaries. "A healthy friendship is one where both people have respect for each other and their boundaries. If you feel that your friend regularly disregards your boundaries, or makes you engage in activities or situations that you don't feel comfortable in, it may be time to evaluate that friendship," explains licensed therapist Jin S. Kim, MA.[6]
You don't feel good when you're with them. Licensed psychologist Tracy Carver, PhD, recommends asking yourself how you feel when you're around this person. "Do you feel judged and criticized? Or do you feel loved and supported? You feel seen and heard by them? Or do you feel like they just like to talk, dominate the whole conversation, dominate all the activities?" she asks.[7]
- Friendship and connection coach Alexandra Friedman agrees with this advice, and she explains that if you constantly feel anxious around or berated by this person, they could be a fake friend.[8]
What a True Friendship Looks Like
- "A good friend is someone you feel safe being your true self around, and they feel safe being themselves around you," explains master certified coach Katie Stolp.[9]
- According to Dr. Carmichael, a friend is "somebody who's reliable, somebody you can count on, somebody who genuinely celebrates when things go well in your life."[10]
- Spending time with a true friend also makes you feel better, like you're becoming your best self. "You should leave a friendship feeling kind of grounded and more expansive, kind of like a better version of yourself," Friedman explains.[11]
- Dr. Carver adds that a healthy friendship has equal effort on both sides. "There's that spirit of reciprocity...it feels like you're giving as much as you're receiving," she says.[12]
Want to learn more?
For more information on spotting a fake friend, check out these resources:
References
- ↑ Desiree Panlilio. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
- ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
- ↑ Desiree Panlilio. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
- ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
- ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Therapist. Expert Interview
- ↑ Tracy Carver, PhD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
- ↑ Alexandra Friedman. Friendship and Connection Coach. Expert Interview
- ↑ Katie Stolp. Master Certified Coach. Expert Interview
