I need help. How would you recommend dealing with a homophobic Christian father that already knows your LGBTQ+?
He's so mean about it, and says I'm just doing it cause it's popular. I am getting panic attacks because of how he treats it. I'm a lesbian demigirl (she/they) so partial non binary. Also feel free to share your experience with homophobic parents. 🦈🏳🌈✨
Be strong my fellow gay sharkies!
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The biggest thing I always tell people is to remember that homophobia and transphobia most likely come not from a place of hate, but from a place of fear or from a place of pain. If someone is so against gay people or trans people, it might be because something happened in their past.
When I was in the early days of adulthood, I was even homophobic and transphobic. I was someone who was mean and said some nasty things. One, because my last name is Gay, I was always made fun of, and people thought I was gay, so I tried to fight back against that. But secondly, because I had so many internalized questions and so much anger and pain inside about who I was, I turned it outwards. If I could make someone else hurt, then it made me feel better about myself.
This is something that happens a lot more than we want to realize. But it's not your responsibility to figure it out. That's their responsibility, to go to therapy and figure that sh*t out. So when I tell you this, my goal is to help you humanize your Dad. So you don't fight his anger with anger. Instead, fight anger with love. Tell him you want him to understand you and see you for who you are, and that you love him even though you disagree with him. You don't owe him anything else, though. You can also just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." You have to protect yourself.
One other thing is that your Dad might be scared for you. No one wants their child to have a hard life. Everyone wants their child to have a better life than they've had. When a parent sees their child coming out as queer, they immediately think their life is going to be harder.
It's scary for a lot of parents. What it comes down to is that they need to see the idea that you're coming out not because you're trying to follow a trend or not because you're trying to be something special, but you're just trying to be yourself. You're trying to show yourself for who you are. So you need to make sure to just stay true to yourself and be you, and hope that eventually your Dad will see beyond his fear.
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When I was in the early days of adulthood, I was even homophobic and transphobic. I was someone who was mean and said some nasty things. One, because my last name is Gay, I was always made fun of, and people thought I was gay, so I tried to fight back against that. But secondly, because I had so many internalized questions and so much anger and pain inside about who I was, I turned it outwards. If I could make someone else hurt, then it made me feel better about myself.
This is something that happens a lot more than we want to realize. But it's not your responsibility to figure it out. That's their responsibility, to go to therapy and figure that sh*t out. So when I tell you this, my goal is to help you humanize your Dad. So you don't fight his anger with anger. Instead, fight anger with love. Tell him you want him to understand you and see you for who you are, and that you love him even though you disagree with him. You don't owe him anything else, though. You can also just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." You have to protect yourself.
One other thing is that your Dad might be scared for you. No one wants their child to have a hard life. Everyone wants their child to have a better life than they've had. When a parent sees their child coming out as queer, they immediately think their life is going to be harder.
It's scary for a lot of parents. What it comes down to is that they need to see the idea that you're coming out not because you're trying to follow a trend or not because you're trying to be something special, but you're just trying to be yourself. You're trying to show yourself for who you are. So you need to make sure to just stay true to yourself and be you, and hope that eventually your Dad will see beyond his fear.
i personally deal with that too as a trans frying pan, and its honestly avoidable. try not to bring it up. and maybe if he is still being homophobic, honestly just plan a detailed explanation and yell if necessary? idk but you can do it! thats coming from someone with a mentality crisis. also, if you need me too, i will breakdance on his ceiling fan at 2:38AM and sing vocaloid songs.
-frying pan
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-frying pan
Frying pan, I want to make this clear, you ate the best kind of person in the world. We need more people like you.
-trans bean
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-trans bean
TLDR: Try to talk to your dad about it when he's relaxed and not currently being homophobic, especially towards you.
Maybe try explaining why you're a lesbian and how it's definitely not a choice or a phase. If you're also a Christian, you can try relating it to the religion, like saying how God accepts everyone for who they are, including people of different sexualities and gender identities.
Also, I'd recommend waiting until the right time to talk to your dad about this. It might take a while for him to understand your identity and experiences.
I also have homophobic parents who are Muslim, although I'm an atheist. I've not come out to them about being bisexual and am not planning to, especially since my mom is very homophobic and likes to complain about gay people she sees in the media. And I think my dad was influenced by her as he now points out people he assumes are gay on TV, like non-Korean men who wear makeup or drag queens who are interviewed during Pride Month, etc.
I hope this helps.
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Maybe try explaining why you're a lesbian and how it's definitely not a choice or a phase. If you're also a Christian, you can try relating it to the religion, like saying how God accepts everyone for who they are, including people of different sexualities and gender identities.
Also, I'd recommend waiting until the right time to talk to your dad about this. It might take a while for him to understand your identity and experiences.
I also have homophobic parents who are Muslim, although I'm an atheist. I've not come out to them about being bisexual and am not planning to, especially since my mom is very homophobic and likes to complain about gay people she sees in the media. And I think my dad was influenced by her as he now points out people he assumes are gay on TV, like non-Korean men who wear makeup or drag queens who are interviewed during Pride Month, etc.
I hope this helps.
Married straight white guy here. I can't relate to this scenario, but I do understand difficult parents who don't approve of your life choices even though it's not harming anyone. My advice is be professional and speak with certainty trying to respect your father but you must tell them how this hurts you beyond "this hurts my feelings." If your father is anything like my parents he is stubborn and conservative. So you must stand strong and make your line in the sand. You must be direct and no pussyfooting your words. But remember to be respectful. Be diplomatic in your approach but make your message strong and clear.
Currently I'm hardly talking to my parents because they want my wife and me to just forget this argument that occurred before Christmas. It hurts to know I can't view my parents the same as I did my whole life, but I feel better with myself. My brother had the same issue as me, but he completely cut all contact with them for over a year. Only opening back up because my mom flew to his house crying and begging to be a family again.
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Currently I'm hardly talking to my parents because they want my wife and me to just forget this argument that occurred before Christmas. It hurts to know I can't view my parents the same as I did my whole life, but I feel better with myself. My brother had the same issue as me, but he completely cut all contact with them for over a year. Only opening back up because my mom flew to his house crying and begging to be a family again.
It sounds like there may be hurt and misunderstanding on both sides. Either the father handled the situation in a way that came across harshly, or it may have been perceived more negatively because emotions are already high. Disagreement doesn’t automatically mean hatred, but how we speak to each other really matters. Scripture calls parents to act with patience and gentleness (Ephesians 6:4) and also calls all of us to seek understanding rather than assume the worst (James 1:19). I hope both sides can communicate with love and clarity instead of fear or anger.
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Me and my brother actually made this draft for Insta like several years ago. Currently I am a trans man, non binary, and also bigender. (pronouns He/She/They but He/They are preferred) I'm still facing the same problems though. I'm omnisexual, and also leaning more MLM (man love man) lately, but I hate it when people say I'm not really leaning towards MLM because I'm "not a real man", and I could rly use some help on that. Also when I wear feminine clothes and ppl are like "See? Your not rly a boy!" Even though CLOTHES HAVE NO GENDER. Some feedback would rly help on this and I'm moving it to its own separate WikiHow post/forum. Love y'all! :)
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Me and my brother actually made this draft for Insta like several years ago. Currently I am a trans man, non binary, and also bigender. (pronouns He/She/They but He/They are preferred) I'm still facing the same problems though. I'm omnisexual, and also leaning more MLM (man love man) lately, but I hate it when people say I'm not really leaning towards MLM because I'm "not a real man", and I could rly use some help on that. Also when I wear feminine clothes and ppl are like "See? Your not rly a boy!" Even though CLOTHES HAVE NO GENDER. Some feedback would rly help on this and I'm moving it to its own separate WikiHow post/forum. Love y'all! :)
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