How to Insult Kids, Adults, & Your Worst Enemies

Looking for a silly, creative, or savage insult to put someone in their place? We’ve got you covered. In this article, we’ll teach you how to insult someone with style—without being too cruel or crossing any boundaries. We’ve also provided endless examples of insults you can say to kids, adults, or your significant other. Read on for insults to win any argument and shut down the haters!

Creative Insults to Roast Someone

I believed in evolution until I met you.
You have the emotional depth of a raindrop.
You’re proof that God has a sense of humor.
You’re talking to me like you’re 6’5” right now.
You’re the human equivalent of a participation award.
You’re the reason why we have directions on toothpaste.
You’re so ugly that when you take a bath, the water jumps out.

Section 1 of 6:

Choosing the Right Insult

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1
Decide whether to insult someone directly or indirectly. Your insult can either be indirect, such as wearing a T-shirt with an insulting message, or directed toward a particular person for their bad behavior. Broad insults are great for days when you are angry at the world, while specific insults are best when you want to call someone out for doing something wrong to you.^{[1]
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- Being specific lets you focus on the other person’s behavior, rather than the person as a whole, when they do or say something rude.
- Being broad, in contrast, is useful when you’ve had enough of a person and wish to have nothing to do with them. Here, an Old World-style curse to wander the earth forever and never know a moment’s peace may be better than a few choice words from Don Rickles's repertoire.
2
Use an insult from their culture to be extra savage. If you know the other person’s ethnicity, feel free to drop an insult that hits close to home. Here are examples of common insults throughout the world:
- Brazil: “Chato.” (Means “annoying”).
- Spain: “Eres un desastre.” (Means “you’re a mess”).
- Italy: “Che figura!” (Means “what an embarrassment!”).
- France: “N’importe quoi.” (Means “you’re talking nonsense”).
- India: “Bakwaas band karo.” (Means “stop talking nonsense”).
- Ireland: “You’re some dose.” (Means “you’re a lot to deal with”).
- Germany: “Schweinhund” (Means “pig dog”) or “Esel’’ (Means “jacka**”).
- China: “Ham sep lo” (Means “salty wet man,” which is their way of calling someone oversexed).
- Japan: “Tofu no kado ni atama wo butsuke shinjimae” (Means “hit your head on a corner of tofu and die’’).
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3
Attack what the recipient is most sensitive about. Directly attacking the recipient by name-calling isn’t always necessary. Put down their accomplishments or a skill they’re trying to master, mock a particular mannerism, or highlight something you find particularly annoying.
- Insults about their skills and accomplishments:
  - You’re the human version of “we tried.”
  - You work really hard… at avoiding the actual work.
  - You’ve mastered the art of making simple things complicated.
- Insults about a particular mannerism:
  - Your inner monologue should really stay inner.
  - You interrupt like you’re getting paid per sentence.
  - You turn every minor inconvenience into a season finale.
- Insults about what you find annoying:
  - You sigh like life is a full-time inconvenience.
  - You hear me, but that’s about as far as it goes.
  - You laugh at your jokes like you’ve never heard them before.
Mark Forsyth, Author and Blogger

The art of insult depends not on vulgarity, but clever wordplay and unexpected phrasing that simultaneously wounds and entertains. It means crafting statements that linger in memory even after the initial pain fades. A backhanded compliment often inflicts the deepest cuts.

Section 2 of 6:

Guidelines for Insulting Someone

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1
Consider your target when crafting an insult. Insulting a friend or loved one? Go for something funny or exaggerated rather than personal. A stranger or someone being rude? Feel free to be slightly more savage than usual. Someone sensitive? Try to stay calm and avoid conflict—insulting them probably won’t end well.
- The trick to insulting someone without crossing any boundaries is to reflect on the situation and who you’re speaking to. For instance, you wouldn’t insult your best friend and coworker in the same way (or insult your coworker at all to be professional).
2
Pay attention to the other person and respond to their words or actions. The trick to coming up with a quick-witted insult is to focus on what the other person is saying or doing. Rather than memorizing a few one-liners, play off of their words or behavior to come up with a line that’s extra shocking and savage.
- For example, if the other person is being selfish, you might say, “I forgot the whole world revolves around you. My bad!” rather than mentioning their appearance or intelligence.
3
Determine how you want to deliver your insult. There are many ways to insult someone, and the decision is totally up to you! Here are some clever ideas to help you drop your line, whether you want to be polite, silly, or savage:
- Hit the other person with your insult and get it over with: Sometimes, you just have to say what’s on your mind. Feel free to call someone an idiot, criticize their skills, or call out their bad behavior.
- Preface with an apology to soften the blow: If you think the other person might take what you say the wrong way, lead with something that sounds like an apology, such as “with all due respect” or “I’m not saying this to make you angry.”
- Use a casual opener before twisting the knife: Start by saying something neutral or positive, then pause and turn it into something demeaning to the recipient. For example, you could say “I never forget a face… but in this case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
4
Avoid insulting someone about things they can’t change. To avoid being overly mean or offensive, focus on small quirks and habits that the other person chooses to do, rather than things they can’t change about themselves. The moment you start talking about their appearance, health, family, personal trauma, or financial struggles, it becomes bullying.
- Remember, you automatically win if you’re shutting down bad behavior. Insulting someone is justified when you’re defending yourself, not attacking someone else!
- If you accidentally hit a sore spot, own up to your mistake and make a genuine apology. You could say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take things too far, and I should be more careful with my words.”
5
Utilize your facial expressions and walk away with confidence. Raise an eyebrow, roll your eyes, or smirk to communicate that the other person is utterly ridiculous. When giving your insult, remember to push your shoulders back and keep your voice steady to appear confident. You can even use your hands to “shoo” them away or “zip” your lips together. After saying your line, walk away for the ultimate “mic-drop” moment!
- It’s important to be mindful of your body language and expressions to let the other person know you’re not being serious.

Section 3 of 6:

The Funniest Insults of All Time

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Drop a funny insult to make everyone laugh out loud. If someone is talking smack, strike back! These witty insults are sure to put your haters, bullies, and arch enemies in their place and remind them never to mess with you again:
- You look like a “before” photo.
- You’re built like a windshield wiper.
- Your face looks like a melted popsicle.
- You’re so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye.
- You’re as useless as the “g” in “lasagna.”
- Don’t you have to get a license to be that ugly?
- If you’re going to act like a turd, go lie in the yard.
- If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in better shape.
- I’m ugly? Perfect. I was trying to look like you today.
- You’re the type of person to respond to spam emails.
- Fee-fi-fo-fum, your breath stank, so chew some gum.
- You’re the human equivalent of a participation award.
- You’re not stupid—you just have bad luck with thinking.
- Eenie meenie miny moe. Your face looks like my big toe.
- You’re the reason why we have directions on toothpaste.
- Every time I have a stick in my hand, you look like a piñata.
- Twinkle, twinkle little star, I want to run you over with my car.
- You’re so ugly that when you take a bath, the water jumps out.
- Every time I think you can’t get any dumber, you prove me wrong.
- Your secrets are safe with me. I never listen when you share them.
- You’re so ugly that when your Mom gave birth to you, she got a fine for littering.
- You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you'd better hope they don’t die.
- When I see you coming, I get pre-annoyed. I figured it’s smart to prepare ahead of time.
- If laziness were a competition, you’d come in second because you’d be too lazy to compete.
- Yo momma’s so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Section 4 of 6:

Clever Insults for Adults

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Come up with a unique comeback to catch adults off guard. Feeling super savage? Save these lines for your haters, or any occasion you need to shut down the conversation. They're guaranteed to end any argument and make the other person question their existence:
- You look smarter in photos.
- That sounds like a you problem.
- You have the perfect face for radio.
- I believed in evolution until I met you.
- You skipped the “being normal” gene.
- You’re the reason why I don’t want kids.
- You might be older, but you’re not wiser.
- Sorry, I thought I was talking to an adult.
- Even Bob Ross would call you a mistake.
- You have the emotional depth of a raindrop.
- I’m jealous of everyone who hasn’t met you.
- You’re proof that God has a sense of humor.
- I would hit you, but I’m against animal abuse.
- Your family tree didn’t have enough branches.
- After meeting you, I get why the divorce rate is so high.
- Life is full of disappointments. I just added you to the list.
- If you’re afraid of success, you have nothing to worry about.
- Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice.
- Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
- Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
- I’d love to insult you, but it won’t be as good as what nature did.
- I get so emotional when you’re not around. It’s called happiness.
- Maybe you should get a life instead of being so invested in mine.
- The real heroes in the world are the ones who have to live with you.
- You look like your favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
- I was going to make a joke about your life, but it looks like life beat me to it.

Section 5 of 6:

Clean Insults for Kids

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Drop a clean comeback to keep things light and friendly for kids. When insulting a kid, it’s important to choose a comeback that’s witty and playful, rather than mean or personal. You could choose a food, object, or character, then incorporate it into your insult, or blurt out something random that doesn’t make much sense. Here are some kid-friendly insults to try:
- You look like a burrito.
- You smell like hot dog water.
- You’re as fun as a wet t-shirt.
- Go fall into a bucket of slime.
- Your mom looks like a Muppet.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- If you were a spice, you’d be flour.
- Your face would make an onion cry.
- I hope you accidentally step on a Lego.
- I’m not a nerd. I’m just smarter than you.
- You’re as interesting as a piece of paper.
- You’re not the brightest crayon in the box.
- Your hairline looks like a McDonald’s sign.
- Your head is shaped like a chicken nugget.
- You look like you were drawn from memory.
- You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
- If Mr. Rogers were your neighbor, he’d move.
- You’re more disappointing than a bowl of salad.
- Your painting looks like a bowl of mashed potatoes.
- You’re the type of person to trip over a banana peel.
- Your lips keep moving, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.
- You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.
- I’d rather lick the cafeteria floor than hold hands with you.
- Did I invite you to my BBQ? Then why are you all up in my grill?
- If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around.
- I’d say you’re as useful as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open.

Section 6 of 6:

Savage Insults for Significant Others

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Drop a silly and savage insult to roast your significant other. If you’re trying to tease your S.O., joke about their age, appearance, or bad habits. With that being said, relationship coach Laura Bilotta says to “respect [their] boundaries” and “avoid joking about topics that can be triggering.”^{[2]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} Delivering your line with a smile, giggle, or shoulder squeeze can go a long way and reassure them you’re just messing around!
- Your ego is taller than you.
- You’re mad at your mom, not me.
- Looks like somebody needs a nap.
- I don’t take requests. Try again later.
- Shock me. Say something intelligent.
- I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
- I’ve forgotten more than you’ve ever known.
- You’re talking to me like you’re 6’5” right now.
- You really thought you did something just then.
- I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
- It’d be nice if you used glue instead of Chapstick.
- Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me either.
- I forgot the whole world revolves around you. My bad!
- Why play hard to get when you’re already hard to want?
- Our relationship is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.
- I think you deserve a high five… in the face… with a chair.
- If brilliance skips a generation, my in-laws must be geniuses.
- My partner said I’d never find someone else like them. That’s the point.
- We were happily married for a month. We’ve been married for a decade.
- I’ll never forget the day we met, but that doesn’t mean I won’t keep trying.
- I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
- If at first, you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to the first time.
- I'm not arguing… I'm just explaining why I'm right in a way you can understand.
- You have a face only a mother could love. It’s also why we’re never having kids.
- I thought you were attractive when I first saw you, but then you opened your mouth.
- I used to think you were a pain in the neck. Now, I have a much lower opinion of you.

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How do I insult somebody who is always making fun of me?

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Just say, "Dang, I'm flattered I'm on your mind all the time."

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How do I answer back quickly when my friends are teasing me in a joyful tone? What if I'm lacking confidence? Do I just have to smile back or ignore it or give lame answers?

Tom De Backer

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Think of a few good things to say and memorize them. Practice these comebacks when you're alone, preferably speaking out loud. Finally, sometimes any answer is better than no answer, even if it's a little lame. Don't hesitate to let your friends know if their teasing starts upsetting you.

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There's this boy with bushy eyebrows that roasts me, what do I say to him?

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Call him "caterpillar brow" every time you see him. Then if he insults you, just say, "What am I, a mirror or something?"

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Avoid being mean for the sake of being mean with your insults. Save them for when you have a genuine beef with the person you want to direct them at.

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If you are on the receiving end of someone else’s insult, one effective way to combat it is not to simply insult them in return, but to base your comeback on their insult. A famous example of this is an exchange between Winston Churchill and Lady Nancy Astor at a party at Blenheim Palace in the 1930s, when Lady Astor angrily told Churchill, “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your tea.” Churchill rebutted with “Madam, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.”

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