Am I Feeling Love or Lust?

Take this quiz to find out!

The butterflies, excitement, and constant thinking about someone can make it hard to tell if you’re actually in love or just really, really into them. So, how can you tell the difference?

With some self-reflection, you can totally figure out what's behind your feelings. Plus, take this quiz to see if it's a deep connection or just something physical!

An illustration of a woman thinking about her relationship.

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Questions Overview

1. How long have you known your love interest?
  1. A few weeks
  2. 1 to 3 months
  3. 3 to 6 months
  4. Over 6 months
2. When you're around them, you feel...
  1. Safe
  2. Giddy
  3. Normal
  4. Nervous
  5. Turned on
3. Be honest… do you think about their looks or their personality more?
  1. Their looks.
  2. Their personality.
  3. TBH, I don't really think about them like that.
4. Would you rather talk to them for hours or make out for hours?
  1. Talk to them for hours
  2. Make out for hours
5. Do you pay attention to the little things that make them happy?
  1. Yes, I notice and remember everything!
  2. Not really. I haven't paid much attention.
  3. Sometimes, but I don't always think about it.
6. Would you trust them with your deepest, darkest secret?
  1. Yes! I feel safe being vulnerable with them.
  2. No, I wouldn't trust them with something that personal.
  3. I'm not entirely sure... I haven't opened up that much yet.
7. Do you like who you are when you're around them?
  1. Yes, they make me feel seen and understood.
  2. No, I feel like I'm acting crazy or just not my usual self.
  3. Hmm... I still feel a bit weird or self-conscious around them, but it's not necessarily bad.
8. Have you met their friends?
  1. Yes, I'm basically part of the friend group now!
  2. I've met a few of them briefly, but it wasn't a big deal.
  3. No, and it makes me question our entire relationship.
  4. Not yet, but it seems like it'll happen eventually? (I hope....)
9. Have you met their family?
  1. Yes! I've spent time with their family and felt welcomed.
  2. Yes, but it was only in passing and didn't feel important.
  3. Not yet. It hasn't really come up, but I'm totally okay with that!
  4. No, and it feels intentional, which makes me feel some type of way...
10. And finally, can you imagine a future with them beyond dating or hooking up?
  1. Yes. I've already imagined our future together!
  2. I guess I can picture it, but I'm not 100% sure yet.
  3. No, I don't really see a long-term future if I'm being honest.
  4. Maybe... but I'm just vibing and haven't thought that far ahead.

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How to Tell the Difference Between Love and Lust

There's a fine line between love and lust, which can be super tricky to navigate. Luckily, there are some clear signs to understand your feelings, and we talked to dating and relationship experts for advice on how to tell the difference between love and lust:

  • Relationship coach Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, says, “Lust is that initial feeling and physical attraction, [whereas] love is really loving this person for who they are…and having a solid, secure relationship."[1]
  • Dating & relationship coach Christina Jay, NLP, tells us, "Lust usually lasts 3-6 months. It’s short-term and you have to see if you still have the same feelings with time. If it’s just physical, it is probably lusting especially if you have nothing else in common and have different life goals."[2]
  • Love & relationship coach Nicole Miller reveals, “Real love is very different from infatuation... A key factor in infatuation is a high degree of feelings for someone else without a lot of information about who they actually are... With infatuation, you are more in love with the image in your head that you’ve made up about the person than the actual person."[3]
  • Dating & relationship coach Julianne Cantarella reminds us that “love is a conclusion that has come to overtime, right? Where lust isn't... Lust is based on sexual attraction. And that's something that doesn't last very long. If the other pieces aren't there, if you don't share the same goals, the same values, the same relationship vision... that's only going to carry it so long."[4]

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References

  1. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ Christina Jay, NLP. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ Nicole Moore. Love & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  4. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  5. ↑ Ayushi Mathur. Relationship Coach and Biodata Profile Expert. Expert Interview