How to Wink & Flirt with Your Eyes

From signaling attraction toward your crush to reassuring a friend, a simple wink can convey various feelings without using words. But how can you wink effortlessly without looking awkward? In this article, we’ll walk you through how to wink so you can signal affection or a greeting. We’ll also cover when it’s appropriate to wink, with insights from etiquette coach Christine Ferrera and licensed relationship therapist Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT, plus how to use winking emojis to flirt online!

How to Wink (Step-by-Step Instructions)

Etiquette coach Christine Ferrera says a wink can be a subtle signal of acknowledgement or light humor between close acquaintances. Here’s how to wink correctly:

Make eye contact with the person you want to wink at.
Relax your eyes and choose the most comfortable one.
Lower the eyelid on the most comfortable eye.
Slightly raise your cheek muscle as you lower your eyelid.
Try not to squint the eye you’re keeping open.
Open the comfortable eyelid after a brief moment.

Section 1 of 3:

How to Wink for Beginners

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When you wink at someone, you only communicate something if they see you winking. So, before you do anything else, make eye contact with the person you plan to wink at.

Meet the wikiHow Experts

Christine Ferrera is an etiquette coach and the founder of Polished Message Etiquette (PME), a modern training platform focused on communication, image & style, and comprehensive etiquette.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT, is a licensed relationship therapist, the owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the co-founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration.
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Relax your eyes and choose the one that feels most comfortable. Some people find it easier to wink with one eye than the other, while others can wink equally well with both. So, relax your eye muscles, try each eye separately when no one’s around to determine which is easier for you, and choose the most comfortable eye.^{[1]
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- You may find that trying to wink with one eye will cause your face to "scrunch" more than the other. Or that when winking with one of your eyes, you find it harder to control the other, making your wink look more like a blink.
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Lower the eyelid of the chosen eye while keeping the other eye open. When you are first starting out, you may have to concentrate pretty hard to make this work, so don’t be afraid to take it slow.
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Slightly raise your cheek muscle. Especially when you are first learning to wink, you may need to raise your cheek slightly to achieve full closure of the eye.
- With practice over time, you should find you have to do this less and less.
The effort required to keep this eye open sometimes results in squinting at the beginning wink. When you first start out, this squinting will be hard to control. Again, with practice, you'll find you are doing this less and less.^{[2]
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Once you've fully closed the winking eye, open it back up again after 0.1 to 0.4 seconds (100-400 milliseconds). That's it, you just winked!
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Practice in a mirror. When you are first learning to wink, you'll probably find it helpful to practice alone in a mirror. Make eye contact with yourself and practice your winks, focusing on what you need to work on and tweaking your movements ever-so-slightly to perfect them.^{[3]
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- With enough practice, this will start to look and feel natural.
- When you think you've got it down, ask a friend to have a look at your winking. They can tell you whether it looks good or if you are still squinting or otherwise making it look like an effort.^{[4]
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Section 2 of 3:

When & When Not to Wink

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Say hello with a wink. Once you know how to wink, the next step is knowing when to do it. One common use of the wink is just to greet someone or say hello.
- Say you’re at a party and in a deep conversation with some friends. Another friend enters the room, but you don't want to disrupt the flow of the conversation. Quickly wink at them to greet them without breaking the conversation.
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Wink to indicate shared knowledge. Like Odin's missing eye, the wink can be a sign that you know something. It often has a conspiratorial meaning, suggesting that you and the person you are winking at understand something that others do not.^{[5]
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- Winks can be used as a way to indicate humor between you and another person. A wink can mean: "I know you get this joke, even though other people may not."
- A wink can also be a way to show someone you are joking when you say something ironically.
  - For example, if you have a friend who knows a lot about history, you might say, "I have a really tough history paper to write this week. Too bad I don't know anyone who could help me out with that!" and then wink.
- This kind of wink can also mean that a plan you made should be put into motion. Say you and some buddies are going to ambush a friend with water balloons, for example, a well-placed wink could mean "Go get those water balloons!"
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Reassure someone with a wink. A wink can also serve as a casual way to reassure someone who appears to be experiencing difficulty. It works almost like a pat on the back, just from across the room instead of right next to you. For example, say a friend of yours is giving a public speech, and you know they are really nervous. If you are sitting in the audience and your friend makes eye contact with you, a wink can send the message: "You've got this, pal."
- A wink is appropriate between people who already share familiarity and mutual understanding, says etiquette coach Christine Ferrera. “It can function as a quiet signal of acknowledgment, agreement, or light humor in informal settings. When used appropriately, the gesture is brief, non-disruptive, and clearly welcomed by the other person.”^{[6]
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Flirt with a wink. A wink can also be a suggestive or flirtatious greeting to someone you are attracted to. According to licensed relationship therapist Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT, it can be considered flirting with your eyes.^{[7]
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Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Interview} So, if you’re attracted to someone, don’t be afraid to shoot a wink their way to let them know.^{[8]
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- This kind of wink sends the message: "Hi there, cutie!"
- Some people find a slow wink works best for this purpose.^{[9]
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Avoid winking in formal or professional settings. “From an etiquette perspective, winking is acceptable only in limited situations where context, relationship, and intent are aligned,” says Ferrera. “Winking becomes inappropriate when it introduces discomfort, confusion, or imbalance. It is not acceptable between strangers, across power differences, or in formal professional settings where clarity and neutrality are expected. A wink should never imply secrecy, favoritism, or flirtation where it does not belong.”^{[10]
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Christine Ferrera
Etiquette Coach

Expert Interview}
- Be especially careful about winking at the opposite sex, especially if you don’t know the other person well. It can convey flirting, even if that isn't your intention.
- “In professional or social environments, a wink should never replace clear communication. It should confirm understanding, not create ambiguity. If there is any doubt about how the gesture may be received, it is best to avoid it,” advises Ferrera.^{[11]
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Avoid winking if someone expresses discomfort. “Any gesture becomes impolite when it continues after discomfort is expressed,” says Ferrera. “Etiquette requires awareness not only of intention, but of response. When a behavior creates uncertainty or discomfort, the polite response is to stop. Repeated winking can feel intrusive, dismissive, or patronizing rather than friendly.”^{[12]
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Christine Ferrera
Etiquette Coach

Expert Interview} Here are some signs that someone is uncomfortable around you:^{[13]
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- Fidgeting
- Avoiding eye contact
- Crossed arms or legs
- Turning their torso away
- Providing short answers
- Trailing off in conversation

Section 3 of 3:

Winking Online

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Use the 😉 (wink) emoji. In this modern world of cell phones and computers, using your eyes is not the only way to wink. You can communicate a wink via text message or a social networking site using a 😉 (winking) emoji.^{[14]
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- There are different types of winking emojis, depending on what type of phone you have, what social networking site you are using, etc.
- The 😉(wink) emoji is usually used to communicate that something is a joke or to flirt.
- Example (Joking): “I told him to go to the bathroom right after I dropped a care package in the toilet 😉”
- Example (Flirting): “Why don’t you pull up and show me everything you’re talking about 😉”
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Wink with an emoticon. Before emojis were created, people would often use punctuation marks to create a winking face. Some people still prefer this style, called an "emoticon," or use it because they have an older phone. People may also use it if they’re using an email system that doesn't support emojis. You can communicate a wink in any of these ways:^{[15]
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- ;)
- ;-)
- (-!
- ~_^
A less common way to indicate a wink in text or email that some people use is simply to place the word "wink" between two asterisks. This works in the same way as an emoticon or emoji to convey humor or flirtation.

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What causes my other eye to twitch when I try to wink?

Community Answer

Because you are used to closing both of your eyes instead of just one; it's a sympathetic reaction from the other eyelid. Keep practicing, your body will get used to it.

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Is it true that some people aren't capable of winking?

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No, although it may be difficult for some people to wink.

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How do I stop my other eye from squinting when I wink?

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Keep practicing. It's pretty much muscle memory once you get used to it. It may be hard at first.

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Tips

Make sure you blink one eye, not two!

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When winking, leave enough time between your winks. Otherwise, you may appear to have a twitch.

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When practicing winking, you may find it helpful to try winking slowly, as this helps you train the muscles involved in the wink.

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