The 369 TikTok Dating Rule Explained

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Dating & relationship coach Emyli Lovz explains what the rule is—and whether it's real

Co-authored by Emyli Lovz and Dev Murphy, MA

Last Updated: March 4, 2026 Fact Checked

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Meaning

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Stages

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Why follow it?

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Does it work?

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Other Dating "Rules"

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The 369 rule is just one of many of the online world's guidelines for how to approach relationships. Followers of this rule swear by its usefulness in navigating relationships in a healthy way—but what is the rule? We're here to help! For this article, wikiHow partnered with a dating & relationship coach to find out what the 369 rule is, whether it's rooted in truth, and other ways to evaluate compatibility with a new romantic partner. Keep reading for everything you need to know!

369 Dating Rule Defined

Dating & relationship coach Emyli Lovz says that the 369 rule is a guideline for approaching relationships. According to the rule, at 3 months, the honeymoon period ends. At 6 months, you and your partner learn how to navigate conflict and deal with each other's flaws, and by 9 months, you know if the relationship is meant to be.

Section 1 of 5:

369 Rule Meaning

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The 369 rule is a loose guideline for how relationships naturally progress. The 369 rule has been making the rounds on social media lately, and as TikToker @annabellegesson says, it's a great way to determine if your new relationship has legs. According to the rule, the first year of a relationship follows 3 stages, each lasting 3 months, during which you and your partner really get to know one another and determine if the relationship is meant to be. By the end of the 9 months, you and your partner will, ideally, have a good idea of whether you're soulmates or better off apart.^{[1]
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- The 369 rule may also refer to a rule for long-distance relationships, in which people are encouraged to check in with their long-distance partner every 3, 6, and 9 months to maintain connection and intimacy.
- There is also a 369 Law of Attraction rule, which says you should write or recite a specific desire or affirmation 3 times in the morning, 6 times in the afternoon, and 9 times in the evening in order to manifest what you want.
Meet the wikiHow Expert

Emyli Lovz is a dating and relationship coach for men based in San Francisco, CA. She has 14 years of experience and helps people not only find a long-term partner but an enduring, thriving relationship.

Section 2 of 5:

The Stages of the 369 Rule

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As Lovz explains it, the first 3 months are the "honeymoon phase," where the relationship is all sparkly and new, and you can't get enough of one another. By the end of this period, according to the rule, you begin to see your partner for who they really are, red flags and all (and they start to see you too).^{[2]
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Emyli Lovz
Dating and Relationship Coach

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After the honeymoon phase, according to Lovz, "is when…things are kind of getting real, and what was charming…in the beginning is now really, really frustrating."^{[3]
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Emyli Lovz
Dating and Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} During this stage, you and your partner learn how to navigate conflict (or not) and see if you're really as compatible as you'd initially thought. You discover if your partner's flaws are dealbreakers, or if they're something you can live with.^{[4]
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You've developed emotional intimacy and really "know" one another. You now have a real sense of whether the relationship has long-term potential. This is the point where you might choose to commit to your partner or break things off.^{[5]
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Section 3 of 5:

Why do people follow the 369 rule?

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People follow the 369 rule to avoid committing to a new partner too soon. When you've just begun dating someone, everything seems perfect, right? You're soulmates. At least, this is how it feels. Many of us realize that the honeymoon phase isn't entirely rooted in reality, but it's so hard not to view your relationship through rose-colored glasses during those early days. The 369 rule, then, is a way to keep people from committing to a new partner before they've really gotten to know them—even if they feel like they'll be together forever.
- The 369 gives people an idea of what to expect as a relationship progresses. Even though you might think the sun shines out your partner's behind in those early weeks, the 369 rule is a reminder that no relationship is perfect, and that their flaws will become more apparent in time.
Many of us have kept a relationship going for longer than it needed to, even though we knew, deep down, that it wasn't meant to be. The 369 rule isn't just a way to keep you from committing too early—it's also a way to ensure you don't drag on a relationship you know isn't working for longer than a year.

Section 4 of 5:

Does the 369 rule work?

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The 369 rule does work for many people, but it's not a hard-and-fast rule. "I think that's made up for the internet," Lovz admits. "Everyone's different."^{[6]
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Emyli Lovz
Dating and Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} The 369 rule is just a general guideline to help people navigate their new relationships without diving in too quickly. It may help people resist committing to a new person during the honeymoon phase, when everything feels perfect, and instead wait until more months have passed and they've gotten to know their partner better.
- There's no perfect relationship timeline. You might know after a few months that a relationship is a no-go, in which case, there's no need to let it drag on.
- Alternatively, some people may take longer than 9 months to fully open up, so you might not really know if you're a match until a year has passed.
- Or, you might think you and your partner are soulmates, only to realize after 2 years that you want different things after all.
"The stages are real," says Lovz, "but I don't think you can generalize for the whole population." According to her, many relationships do begin with a honeymoon stage, in which "everything feels really good, there's a lot of chemicals flowing through your body. And then when you fall out of that, which can happen anywhere from three months to two years, depending on the person, then you often fall into a conflict stage."^{[7]
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Emyli Lovz
Dating and Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}

Section 5 of 5:

Other Dating "Rules"

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777 Rule This rule says that a couple should aim to go out on a date every 7 days, get out of town together every 7 weeks, and have a nice vacation every 7 months. The purpose is to help couples prioritize quality time to foster intimacy and strengthen their bond.
- It's not a hard and fast rule; the point is just to be more intentional about your time and not take your relationship for granted.
- So don't feel like you have to abide by this exact timeline if it doesn't work for your schedule or budget.
- Some people follow the 222 rule, which is a variation on this rule: go out on a nice date every 2 weeks, get out of town with your partner every 2 months, and enjoy a nice vacation together every 2 years.
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666 Rule According to the 666 rule, a guy must be at least 6 feet tall, make at least 6 figures, and have at least a 6-pack (or a 6-inch package). Yes, it's incredibly superficial, and no, most women do not follow it, according to Lovz.^{[8]
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Emyli Lovz
Dating and Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
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Rule #5 Rule #5 spawned from a quote from the 2005 50 Cent movie Get Rich or Die Tryin': "Show no love. Love will get you killed." This rule's probably pretty self-explanatory: don't get attached in a relationship, because it might not last. Is it cynical? Yes. Do we understand it? Also yes. Is it healthy? Babes, no.