Hilarious Clean Jokes That’ll Make Adults & Kids Laugh

Looking for some jokes to make anyone laugh? Well, you’ve come to the right place! We’ve compiled a list of hilarious and clever jokes you can tell just about anyone. Plus, they’re totally clean and kid-friendly! Keep on scrolling—we promise you’ll laugh at least once.

The Best & Funniest Jokes

“What falls but never needs a bandage? Rain.”
“Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken.”
“Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.”
“Why didn’t the melons get married? They cantaloupe.”
“What did one plate say to the other? Dinner is on me!”

Section 1 of 8:

Funny Clean Jokes for Everyday

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Make anyone laugh on any day with these jokes. Want to brighten a friend, coworker, or stranger’s day? Try out one or more of these clean jokes! They’re perfect for a quick laugh, and everyone’s bound to love them.
- “How do trees get on the Internet? They log in.”^{[1]
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- “What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business!”
- “Why shouldn’t you trust stairs? They’re always up to something.”
- “Where does someone with one leg work? IHOP.”
- “What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.”
- “What did the horse say when it tripped? Help! I’ve fallen, and I can’t giddyup!”^{[2]
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- “What do you call an angry carrot? A steam veggie.”
- “What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.”
- “What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.”
- “What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.”
- “What’s black and white and read all over? A newspaper.”
- “When does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.”
- “Why do tigers have stripes? So they won’t be spotted.”
- “What did one cupcake say to the other? You ain’t seen muffin yet!”^{[3]
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- “Did you hear about the new squirrel diet? It’s just nuts.”
- “What falls but never needs a bandage? Rain.”
- “Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken.”
- “Why couldn’t the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals.”
- “Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7-8-9!”
- “Where does fruit go on vacation? Pear-is!”^{[4]
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- “Why did the suspenders go to jail? They held up a pair of pants.”
- “Why don’t mountains ever get cold? They have snowcaps.”
- “Why did the cell phone get glasses? It lost all its contacts.”
- “Did you hear about the baseball player who got arrested? He stole second base.”
- “How did people see in the dark during medieval times? They used knight lights.”
- “What’s the best way to catch a squirrel? Act like a nut.”
- “What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef.”
- “Why did the potato leave the party? All eyes were on him.”
- “Why did the boy wear his coat to dinner? Because chili was on the menu.”
- “How much does it cost to hire a deer? A buck.”
- “Why was the stadium so chilly? Too many fans.”
- “Where do cows get their clothes? From cattle-logs.”
- “What kind of socks do bears wear? None! They prefer to be barefoot.”
- “Why shouldn’t you trust trees? They can be a little shady.”
- “Why did the frog take the bus? His car got toad.”
- “Why did the pony have a cough drop? It was a little horse.”
- “What do you call a magician who has lost his magic? Ian.”
- “How do you measure a snake? In inches because they don’t have feet.”
- “What do you call fake fettuccine? Impasta.”
- “Why did the skeleton skip the dance? He had no body to go with.”
- “What do you call a snowman in summer? A puddle.”
- “What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.”
- “Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.”
- “What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.”

Section 2 of 8:

Corny Clean Jokes

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Keep it classy with a joke that’s all too predictable. Sometimes, the best jokes are those you can see coming! Try out these corny Dad jokes the next time you need to put a smile on someone’s face:
- “What do dentists call x-rays? Tooth pics!”
- “When did a joke become a dad joke? When it became apparent.”
- “Want to hear a joke about a roof? The first one’s on the house.”
- “How do you make an egg roll? You push it!”^{[5]
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- “What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain.”
- “What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless.”
- “Why were the fish’s grades so bad? They were below sea level.”
- “What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop.”
- “What cheese isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”
- “Why did the strawberry cry? It was in a jam.”
- “What did the 50 cent do when it was hungry? 58!”
- “What did one plate say to the other? Dinner is on me!”
- “What vegetables are a sailor’s enemies? Leeks.”
- “Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”^{[6]
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- “What does a condiment wizard perform? Saucery.”
- “Some people pick their nose, but I was born with mine.”
- “How do you open a banana? With a monkey.”
- “Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don’t peel.”
- “What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe!”^{[7]
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- “What kind of tree can fit in one hand? A palm tree.”
- “Why didn’t the chef season his food? He didn’t have enough thyme.”
- “What’s the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.”
- “Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.”
- “Why are elephants so wrinkled? No one knows how to iron them.”
- “When is a car not a car? When it turns into a parking lot.”
- “Why don’t seashells take baths? They wash up on the beach.”
- “What do fish use to buy groceries? Sand dollars.”
- “What’s the hottest part of a room? The corner because it’s always 90 degrees.”
- “Did you hear about the stolen dog collar? Police are looking for leads.”
- “I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but then I turned myself around.”
- “Did you hear about the dolphin romance? They really clicked.”
- “What did the buffalo say when his son went to college? Bison.”
- “Why did the banana skip school? It wasn’t peeling well.”
- “Where do bad rainbows go? Prism, where they serve a light sentence.”
- “Why isn’t Dracula married? He’s a real pain in the neck?
- “How come teddy bears refuse to snack? They’re always stuffed.”
- “Why was the belt arrested? It was caught holding up a pair of pants.”
- “Why did the donut go to the dentist? To get a filling.”
- “Have you ever gone camping? It’s in tents.”

Section 3 of 8:

Short Clean Jokes

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Opt for a short, sweet joke to get straight to the punchline. Jokes don’t have to take ages to get the point across! Stick with a joke that’s short but hilarious, like these:
- “Why did the bullet lose its job? It got fired.”
- “What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderpants.”
- “What would bears be without bees? Ears.”^{[8]
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- “What kind of dog tells time? A watch dog.”
- “What do you call an ant that fights crime? A vigilante!”
- “What’s the smartest insect? A spelling bee.”
- “How does the ocean say hi? It waves.”
- “What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets.”
- “What do you call a guy that’s really loud? Mike.”
- “Which superhero hits home runs? Batman.”
- “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
- “Which planet loves to sing? Neptune.”
- “How do billboards talk? Sign language.”
- “What fruit do twins love? Pears.”
- “When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.”
- “Why do sweaters stick together? They’re close-knit.”
- “I wasn’t a fan of facial hair, but then it grew on me.”
- “Where do cucumbers go on a date? The salad bar.”
- “Why is the ocean so clean? It has mermaids.”
- “I’d tell you a construction joke, but I’m still working on it.”
- “Why do ducks have tails? To hide their butt-quacks.”
- “Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.”
- “Why did the author get married? She found Mr. Write.”
- “Why don’t skeletons skydive? They don’t have the guts.”

Section 4 of 8:

Funny Clean Jokes for Adults

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Tickle an adult’s funny bone with these clever jokes. Who says adult jokes have to be scandalous? These clean jokes are funny, witty, and super clever—they’re sure to make anyone laugh!
- “What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every day.”^{[9]
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- “What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!”
- “How do you organize a space event? You planet.”
- “What did the lettuce say to the celery? Quit stalking me!”
- “Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in cornfields? Too many ears.”
- “Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.”
- “Why didn’t the melons get married? They cantaloupe.”
- “Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.”
- “What did the football coach say to the vending machine? Give me my quarterback!”
- “Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.”
- “Why did the king go to the dentist? He needed a crown.”
- “What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.”
- “What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.”
- “Why was the politician out of breath? They were running for office.”
- “Why aren’t koalas actually bears? They don’t have the koalafications.”
- “Why is grass so dangerous? Because it’s full of blades!”^{[10]
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- “Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. He said his summer was pretty good, too.”
- “Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They always drop their needles.”
- “How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.”^{[11]
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- “How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.”
- “Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about it.”
- “What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.”
- “Why did the coffee cup file a police report? It got mugged.”
- “I’m obsessed with telling airport jokes. My doctor says it’s a terminal problem.”
- “What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers.”
- “What gift did the dentist get when retiring? A little plaque.”
- “Did you hear about the guy giving away dead batteries? They were free of charge.”
- “Why did the invisible man quit his job? He couldn’t see himself doing it.”
- “Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing.”
- “What does a vegan zombie want to eat? Graaaiiinnnnss.”
- “What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.”
- “What do you call Batman when he skips work? Christian Bale.”
- “Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo drizzle.”
- “What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels.”
- “Looking to buy chicken broth in bulk? Try the stock market.”
- “What do you do if you get bird flu? Seek tweetment.”

Section 5 of 8:

Funny Clean Jokes for Work

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Ease tension in the office with a quick joke. Are you and your teammates feeling a bit stressed at work? Clear the air and fill the office with laughter using these clean and business-appropriate jokes:
- “What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.”^{[12]
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- “Why did the computer overheat? It needed to vent.”
- “What does a baby computer call his father? Data.”
- “I heard a joke about paper today. It was tearable!”^{[13]
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- “Why did the egg have a day off? Because it was Fryday.”
- “What do computers eat for lunch? Microchips.”
- “What kind of bow can’t be tied? A rainbow.”
- “Why do ghosts love elevators? Because they lift their spirits.”
- “What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.”
- “Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.”
- “What do computers eat for lunch? Microchips.”
- “How does NASA organize a party? They planet.”
- “How do scientists freshen their breath? Experi-ments.”
- “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They make up everything.”
- “What is the best way to criticize your boss? Very quietly.”
- “What do dentists call X-rays? Tooth pics.”

Section 6 of 8:

Funny Clean Jokes for Kids

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Get kids to smile with these kid-friendly jokes. Who doesn’t love jokes more than kids? These age-appropriate jokes are clean and perfect for making kids laugh. Don’t believe us? Try them out for yourself!
- “Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.”
- “What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”
- “Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired!”
- “Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? She’s always running from the ball!”^{[14]
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- “Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank.”
- “What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.”
- “Why don’t lions eat clowns? Because they taste funny.”
- “What does a spy do when they’re cold? They go undercover.”
- “What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.”
- “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!”
- “What did one snowman say to the other snowman? It smells like carrots over here!”^{[15]
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- “What’s a cat’s favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.”
- “What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.”
- “What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye, matey!”
- “What type of shoes does a ninja wear? Sneakers.”
- “Why can’t Elsa have a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.”
- “Why couldn’t the skeleton go to school? His heart wasn’t in it.”^{[16]
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- “What kind of cat lives in water? An octo-puss.”
- “What do you call an alligator who solves mysteries? An investigator.”
- “What fish only swims at night? Starfish!”
- “What’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite type of music? Hip hop!”
- “What do bananas wear around the house? Slippers.”
- “Why is Santa good at karate? He has a black belt.”
- “Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts? Beast Buy.”
- “What did the snowflake say to the road? Let’s stick together.”
- “Why did the turkey join a band? So he could use his drumsticks.”
- “Where do roses sleep at night? In their flowerbed.”
- “What should you wear to a tea party? A t-shirt.”
- “What’s rain’s favorite accessory? A rainbow.”
- “Why did the Genie get mad? He was rubbed the wrong way.”
- “What’s a ballerina’s favorite types of bread? A bun.”
- “What do bunnies like to do at the mall? Shop ‘til they hop!”
- “Why can’t Monday lift Saturday? It’s a weak day.”
- “Why did the cat get kicked out of school? He was a cheetah.”
- “Why aren’t kids allowed to see pirate movies? They’re rated arrrrr.”
- “What’s the best way to make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!”
- “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.”
- “Why do ghosts need elevators? They lift their spirits.”
- “What do you call a snowman riding in a car? A snowmobile.”
- “Why do tigers have stripes? They don’t want to be spotted.”
- “What’s the best way to put a spaceship to sleep? Rocket.”
- “How do football players stay cool? They have many fans.”

Section 7 of 8:

Funny Clean Jokes for Church

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Have a little fun in the name of Christ. Who says the Lord doesn’t laugh every once in a while? Try out some of these clean jokes to make your fellow church goers crack up:
- “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”^{[17]
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- “What was Moses' wife, Zipporah, known as when she'd throw dinner parties? The hostess with the Moses.”
- “Which Bible character was super fit? Absalom.”
- “What kind of car would Jesus drive? A Christler.”
- “How does Joseph make his coffee? Hebrews it.”
- “How do pastors like their orange juice? With pulpit.”
- “A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to church, she asked them, 'Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
  Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, 'Because people are sleeping!'”^{[18]
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Section 8 of 8:

How to Read the Room & Make Jokes Appropriate

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Adjust your jokes based on how the audience reacts. To “read a room,” observe those around you to get an idea of the overall mood so you can match it. This is incredibly important in comedy because it can help you adapt to the audience and choose jokes or bits that will be well-received, says Family-Friendly Comedian Jessica Thomas.^{[19]
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Jessica Thomas
Family-Friendly Comedian

Expert Interview} By modifying a joke to best match your audience, you can make people laugh more. Here are some tips on how to read the room and make your jokes appropriate:^{[20]
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- Observe the audience. Notice how people are reacting around you. What’s the overall vibe? Is there tension, sadness, or glee?
- Watch the audience’s reactions. Take note of how people are standing, talking, and expressing emotions. Are they smiling and relaxed? Do they seem closed off and quiet?
- Note the situation. Keep the current situation and setting in mind. For example, it might not be the right time to bust out a joke at a funeral or memorial service.
- Adjust your joke to match the situation. Knowing the vibe of your audience and the current setting, make a joke that matches the overall tone of the space.

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Add a short pause before the punchline of your joke to make people think—this makes the joke even funnier.^{[21]
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Don’t despair if someone doesn’t laugh at your joke! Maybe they’ve heard it before, or it isn’t their cup of tea—it’s not a dis on you.^{[22]
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