How to Have an Effective Handshake

Co-authored by Syndi Seid

Last Updated: April 12, 2026 References

For those cultures that value the handshake, much meaning is transferred by the manner in which you proffer your hand and the method with which you shake the other person's hand. Some people make instant judgments about your character as a result of your handshake, so it pays to make sure it's conveying what you want it to.

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1
Know when to use your handshake. The appropriate times to shake another person's hand include: ^{[1]
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- When you are introduced to someone
- When you say goodbye to someone
- At the beginning or the end of a business, social, church, or other meeting
- Whenever it seems appropriate within a business context, such as sealing a deal.
- When you’re in charge and you meet a new team member.
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Be the first to extend your hand. This makes a strong, lasting impression on the person at the receiving end. It is also about control; by offering your hand first, you are leading the way. This applies to both men and women; don't shy away for reasons of being coy or putting yourself down.
- The one exception is if you’re visiting someone’s home or office. Wait for them to reach out first when you’re on their home turf. ^{[2]
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- The other time that you should not seek to be so affable as to offer to shake first is where there is an authority structure in place that should be adhered to. For example, if there is a more senior or higher-ranked person in a social gathering, work or business context, follow the lead of the higher ranked person (President, Governor-General, CEO etc.).
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3
Extend your right hand straight before the handshake. Do not have your palm facing either up or down; keep your hand perfectly vertical with your thumb raised in the air.^{[3]
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- The exception to using the right hand is if you don't have one, if it is paralyzed or otherwise seriously injured.
4
Take the other person's hand in a firm but not rock-hard clasp. Make sure that the web located between your thumb and fingers meets the web of the other person's hand, instructs Global Etiquette and Business Protocol Expert Syndi Seid.^{[4]
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5
Keep your hand parallel to the ground. Do not roll it sideways for the handshake. Keep the fingers together with the thumb up and open.^{[5]
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6
Shake up and down 3 times. Avoid excessive pumping or shaking as it becomes annoying and distracting. Just move your hand up and down a few times.^{[6]
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- Don't linger for too long. A normal handshake lasts about 3-5 seconds. If you hold someone's hand too long, it can become an embarrassing social faux pas.
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When giving the handshake, make eye contact and state your usual greetings. Convey confidence in both your handshake and stance, says Seid.^{[7]
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Expert Interview} If this is your first time meeting them, this would typically be the first time

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What does "firmly" mean when referring to handshakes?

Community Answer

Firmly means that you're ensuring your hand is not limp, but at the same time not hurting the other person.

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How do I gauge a person by their handshake?

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The key way to gauge a person by their handshake is by their body language. A firm handshake will display confidence and exude dominance.

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How can I impress someone just by shaking their hand?

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Make good eye contact and have a good grip.

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Tips

If you are shaking hands with an older person, don't grip their hand so hard.

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Interpret handshakes as follows:
- A violent shake or squeeze will have people thinking you're aggressive.
- A limp handshake will have people thinking you're weak.
- Too much pumping/shaking will have people thinking you're clingy or pushy.
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Make sure your hands aren't sweaty or dirty.
- Rub your overly-sweaty palms against your pant-leg and/or shirt, or on a handkerchief or tissue. However, be warned that excess of this sweaty-hand disposal technique may cause an embarrassing stain.
- Wash your hands. Nobody wants to shake hands with you if your hands are covered in anything dirty.
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Warnings

Don't offer handshakes for casual customers in a service industry like banking, or retail shop. Reserve it for special transactions and business deals between two business people, not private individuals who are just looking for services. Most Americans do not want to be touched by strangers without a very good reason.

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Don't shake too firmly; some people have fragile or feeble hands.

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Don't force a handshake on someone who looks terrified by it or who declines it. Handshaking may be culturally inappropriate for them, or it may even bother them for some reason. Don't trespass on them; just smile and nod as an acknowledgment

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Don't overuse handshakes, they should be reserved for special occasions and certain settings and people.

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Avoid floppy handshakes. A floppy handshake is not only an indicator that you lack interest or substance; it also shows a lack of confidence.

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