How to Be a Nice Guy

Download Article

Co-authored by JT Tran

Last Updated: June 22, 2026 References

Download Article

Interacting Nicely

|

Feeling Like a Nicer Person

|

Being a Nice Guy Who Gets Ahead

|

Expert Q&A

|

Tips

Being a nice guy isn't difficult at all; you just need to be mindful about treating others the same way you would like to be treated. Being nice will make other people like you more, and it will make you feel much better about yourself. Unfortunately, there are some negative stereotypes associated with self-declared nice guys, so make sure to be genuinely nice.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Interacting Nicely

Download Article

1
Offer to help others. Helpfulness is one of the hallmarks of a nice guy. Look for ways that you can be more helpful to everyone around you, and remember that even small gestures are appreciated.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Pay attention to how your friends and loved ones are feeling. If they seem overwhelmed by something, always offer to help them in whatever way you can. For example, if your mom is stressed out about a party she is hosting, offer to help clean the house or pick up the groceries she needs.
- Help people you don't know as well. You can do this by volunteering for charitable organizations, or even just by helping a stranger pick up a stack of papers that he dropped in the hallway.
- Don't expect to get anything in return. While kindness often has rewards, don't do it just for the hope of reward. (Otherwise, it's not real kindness.)
2
Be a great listener. Nice guys take the time to really listen when someone is talking to them. The next time you're having a conversation with someone, be sure to listen attentively and respond in a meaningful way.
- Avoid distractions that might make the other person think you're not listening. Always put your phone away when you're having a conversation and maintain eye contact to show that you are fully engaged.
- Listen to understand, not to respond. Focus on hearing the other person and recognizing their perspective. You can always pause to gather your thoughts after they finish speaking.
- Don't interrupt people, even if you think you know what they're about to say. Always let them finish talking before you share your thoughts.
Advertisement
3
Be grateful. Nice guys always express gratitude when other people do nice things for them. No matter how big or small the gesture, always say thank you when someone else does something nice for you.
- Consider doing something nice in return. For example, if a friend surprised you with concert tickets, consider treating her to lunch the next time you see her.
- Be grateful to people you don't know too. If a stranger holds the elevator for you, for example, be sure to thank her.
4
Share a positive attitude. Happiness is contagious and it makes people want to spend time with you. Nice guys behave positively, even on their bad days. Bring the mood up when you're able, and never make someone's day worse if you can avoid it.
- Smile at people. Smiling and laughing will also make you feel happier, which will make it much easier to be nice to other people. In addition, it will help other people have more fun when they're around you.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  JT Tran
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
- This doesn't mean you have to bottle up all your difficult feelings. Take a deep breath and make kind choices even on your worst days. It's also okay to say, "I'm sad today" or "I'm having a rough day."
5
Be honest. People do not like liars, so it's very important to be open and honest with everyone. This includes never pretending to be someone you're not, even if you think it will make people like you more.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Honesty still requires tact. For example, be gentle when giving potentially upsetting feedback. If something isn't that important (e.g., thinking your friend's shoes are ugly), it might be better to keep your thoughts to yourself.
- If you have already lied to someone, consider coming clean and telling the truth. It will take a lot of weight off of your shoulders, and the other person will probably appreciate your honesty.
6
Treat everyone with respect. Nice guys treat everyone respectfully. Start paying particular attention to the way you treat people, whether they're strangers, friends, or loved ones, so they feel valued when they're around you.^{[4]
X
Research source} Even if they do something that upsets you, do your best to keep your cool and behave fairly and respectfully.
- Don't use diminutives like "babe" or "hun" with women (unless you're dating/family and she's okay with it).
- Avoid talking about women's bodies. This can make them feel uncomfortable and objectified, even if you're being complimentary.
- If you're in a relationship, never pressure your partner to do something they're not ready for.
Keep in mind: Fake "nice guys" tend to act nice to women until one of them tells him "no." This flips a switch and reveals his true face, and he gets rude, cruel, or even scary. A genuinely nice guy stays respectful, even when he feels upset or rejected. He manages his feelings and stays dignified.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Feeling Like a Nicer Person

Download Article

1
Keep your cool. Nice guys are not hotheads, so if you have a problem with anger, you need to start working on it. Getting rid of anger will not only help others perceive you as a nice guy, but it will also help you feel much happier.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Yoga, journaling, and meditation can help you calm your mind and release stress, so consider incorporating these into your routine if you need more calmness in your life.
- Work on your assertiveness skills if you have a problem with lashing out. This can help you advocate for yourself fairly without hurting others.
2
Learn to forgive. In order to feel like a nice guy, it's important that you not hold on to grudges. No matter how badly another person has hurt you, make the decision to forgive instead of seeking vengeance.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Forgiving doesn't always mean seeing someone's actions as acceptable. It simply means that you need to make the decision to not let the action affect you any longer.^{[7]
  X
  Research source}
- Forgiving is easier if you can start to think about the person who harmed you as a decent person who did a bad thing, instead of villainizing the individual.^{[8]
  X
  Research source}
- This doesn't mean that you should put aside your own needs, though. It's okay to set boundaries to keep the relationship healthy. Or, if you've had repeated or extreme issues with someone, you might need to part ways.
3
Think about how others feel. Nice guys are not self-centered, which means that they stay aware of how their words and actions will affect others. If you want to be nicer, be sure to always take other people's feelings into consideration.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- The most successful nice guys consider how others think, how they feel, and how they are likely to act. This helps them engage with others in a way that is both kind and effective.
- When you think about how others feel, being polite and respectful should come naturally. If you think that something you say or do might be offensive to another person, don't do it.^{[10]
  X
  Research source}
- If you slip up socially, don't despair. Understand what went wrong, apologize, and learn from it.
4
Trust that you are a good person. No one is perfect all the time, and it can be easy to think that you are a bad person just because you lashed out at someone or did something else that you're not proud of. Unfortunately, thinking that you are a bad person makes you more likely to act like a bad person in the future, so it's extremely important that you don't judge yourself too harshly.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- The next time you mess up, remind yourself that you are a good person who did something bad and that you will try not to do that bad thing again. Do not fall into the trap of believing that one bad action is a reflection of who you are as a person.
- Keep in mind that feeling guilty about doing a bad thing is an indication that you really are a good person. If you were a bad person, you wouldn't feel guilty at all.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Being a Nice Guy Who Gets Ahead

Download Article

Niceness doesn't mean passivity. Be fair to both yourself and others.

1
Be confident and assertive. Don't assume nice guys have to be timid and insecure. Secure nice guys honestly ask for what they want and advocate for themselves as needed. You can work on overcoming shyness and standing up for yourself if people are taking advantage of you.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Just because you're a nice guy does not mean that you have to let people walk all over you. If someone treats you badly, don't be afraid to let them know that it is unacceptable. People generally appreciate when someone can stand up for their opinion and what they believe in, even if they disagree.^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  JT Tran
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
- Learn to be comfortable being yourself, no matter who you're around. While a bit of social filter is normal, don't overdo it. If you stifle your true feelings often, this can make you seem nervous or even fake.^{[14]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  JT Tran
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
2
Balance giving with self-care. Helping others is great, but if you help others so much that you begin to neglect yourself, you've gone too far. Try to find a balance between taking care of others and taking care of yourself.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- It's okay to say no to others if you feel that you are over-committed. Being a nice guy does not mean helping everyone with everything all the time, but rather helping people whenever you are reasonably able to.
- Being too generous can also make people see you as a poor leader. If you want to be a strong leader, know how to avoid over-extending yourself.^{[16]
  X
  Research source}
3
Lean into your passions. Some people assume that nice guys are dull, inexperienced, and uninteresting. But being nice doesn't mean pushing aside your interests.^{[17]
X
Research source} In fact, pursuing your passions can be a great way to meet and connect with people.
- Think about the things that excite you, whether it's travel or playing the saxophone or training your dog. Enjoying these helps "fill your cup" so you can be more positive, and it also gives you interesting topics to discuss with people who are curious.
- Don't be afraid to break your routines sometimes. Being a little spontaneous can help you explore new things, enjoy life, and gain perspective.
- Sometimes, your interests may intersect with opportunities to help people. From organizing fundraisers to helping build housing to teaching art classes, you can find fulfilling activities that match your interests and skills.

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Question

How can I be a nice guy while still showing a girl I'm interested in her?

JT Tran
Dating Coach
JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.

JT Tran

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

One common mistake I see is what I call filtering, or having this permission-seeking attitude where you filter what you say. Don't be afraid to express who you really are out of a fear of being rejected. Also, if you're romantically interested in a girl, it's best to tell her that upfront.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 4 Helpful 9

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Tips

Remember to be nice to everyone, not just to people in your social circle. People will have much more respect for you if you are inclusive.^{[18]
X
Research source}

Thanks
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
If you want to start being nicer, start at home. Try being nicer to your family by helping them out or even just arguing with them less.

Thanks
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
Don't just pretend to be a nice guy. It's always best to be yourself, and people will know that you're not being genuine.

Thanks
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0