How to Get Revenge on a Cheater and Move Forward

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Dating and relationship coach Donna Barnes shares her secret to getting revenge on a cheating ex

Co-authored by Donna Barnes and Bailey Cho

Last Updated: August 31, 2026 Fact Checked

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Getting Back at a Cheater

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Petty Revenge Ideas

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FAQs

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Video

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Expert Interview

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Expert Q&A

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Warnings

Being cheated on can feel like the ultimate betrayal, but it also provides an opportunity to seek revenge for yourself. That’s why we partnered with dating and relationship coaches, as well as licensed clinical psychologists, to share the best ways to get back at a cheater (without breaking the law, of course). We’re also providing petty revenge ideas, if that’s more up your alley, and answering frequently asked questions on whether it’s possible to get back with a cheater and how to tell if you’ve truly moved on.

What’s the best revenge on a cheating partner?

Dating and relationship coach Donna Barnes says the best revenge against a cheater is becoming your best self. Cut off all contact, avoid retaliation, and live a happy life to show you don’t care about them. Many cheaters thrive knowing they hurt their partners, so being indifferent removes their power over you.

Section 1 of 3:

Best Ways to Get Back at a Cheater

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1
End the relationship and cut off all contact. According to licensed clinical psychologist Gera Anderson, PsyD, creating physical and psychological distance is the best way to show your ex that you don’t care about them anymore. She advises not answering their calls and texts, and not letting them turn to you for support and encouragement. Do not ask about their well-being or affairs with mutual friends, adds Dr. Anderson, and avoid places they frequent.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Gera Anderson, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview}
- If you share accounts or subscriptions with your ex, separate things carefully and keep records of important documents.
- Relationship coach Amy Chan also recommends a digital detox. Delete old messages and photos, unfollow your ex’s account, and take a break from social media altogether!^{[2]
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- Chan also suggests removing any physical reminders of them. If it’s too overwhelming at first, put things in a box and ask a friend to hold it for you. If you used to live with them, move around or change up your furniture.^{[3]
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Meet the wikiHow Experts

Donna Barnes is a dating and relationship coach based with over 18 years of experience.

Gera Anderson, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 5 years of experience.

Amy Chan is a relationship coach and the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, with over 12 years of experience.

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD, is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY #31949) with over 25 years of holistic wellness experience.

Cherlyn Chong is a breakup recovery and dating coach with 6 years of experience.
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Prioritize self-care and improve your life. Barnes says the best revenge is becoming your best self.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Donna Barnes
Dating and Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} Focus on friends and family, work or school, fitness, hobbies, travel, goals, or whatever makes you genuinely happy. This is the time to reconnect with yourself, start that passion project you’ve procrastinated on, develop friendships that have been on the back burner, and take that solo trip you’ve always wondered about, echoes Chan. Your breakup is merely the end of one chapter and the beginning of your next, so she says to make this next chapter colorful, vibrant, playful, and fun!^{[5]
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Expert Source

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} Here are some examples of how to rebuild your life:
- Try a new hairstyle, upgrade your wardrobe, or redecorate your room.
- Find volunteering opportunities or start a new hobby or passion project.
- Hit the gym, take a fitness class, or go on a long walk to work off your anger.
- Apply for a new job, move to a different city, or take a trip to a far-flung country.
- Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep every night to improve your mood and energy levels.
- Practice self-care by investing in your skincare routine or getting a facial or massage.
- Stick to a daily eating routine and consume lots of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.
- Distance yourself from mutual friends who justify the cheater’s behavior and deepen bonds with people who actually support you.
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3
Practice indifference to make a clean exit. While it’s tempting to retaliate, trying to hurt the cheater keeps you tied to the trauma and creates even more chaos. Many cheaters thrive on knowing they hurt their partner, so acting as if they no longer exist and quietly leveling up your life is the most effective way to destroy their ego. Avoid cheating back, damaging their property, threatening them, exposing their private information online, or interfering with their job. As they say, silence speaks louder than words, and refusing to give the cheater a reaction is extremely powerful!
- Remember, cheating back might give you satisfaction for a day or so, but it inserts another person into the situation and makes things messier.
- If mutual friends ask what happened, you can calmly explain the situation, but always stick to the facts rather than exaggerating or spreading private info.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1602 wikiHow readers how they would respond if they discovered their partner was cheating, and 61% of them said end the relationship immediately. [Take Poll] If this is the case for you, it’s usually better to cut them off completely.
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Accept your emotions and be kind to yourself as you heal. Being cheated on comes with a range of emotions, such as anger, sadness, shame, emptiness, annoyance, and even possessiveness. Chan says it’s totally normal to take time to grieve, process, and get back to equilibrium. In fact, people who try to suppress their emotions take the longest to recover from a breakup! She recommends the three R’s—recognize, respond, and reflect. This means understanding what you’re experiencing, expressing your emotions (through crying, screaming, dancing, or shaking), and then writing down how you feel and where you feel it.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- Talking to someone can help you process a breakup, but Chan says to be careful about who you get advice from. Well-intentioned friends and family may not be equipped to give you advice and instead project their own biases or dysfunctional beliefs onto you.^{[7]
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- If you want to talk to someone to process your situation, set parameters for the conversation by explaining that you’re not seeking advice but looking for someone who can hold space for you to share your feelings without judgment, advises Chan.^{[8]
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  Amy Chan
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  Expert Interview} Alternatively, seek professional help.
- Remember, someone cheating on you is not your fault! Even if you had issues with your ex, they could have talked to you, gone to counseling, or ended the relationship. Choosing to cheat was entirely their decision, and it doesn’t mean you weren’t a good partner or that you deserve it.

Section 2 of 3:

Petty & Unhinged Revenge Ideas

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While moving on and living your best life is generally the best way to get revenge on a cheater, some people don’t necessarily agree (check out this r/pettyrevenge subreddit if you need any proof). So, here are some petty, hilarious, and unhinged revenge stories from fellow Internet users if you need some laughs or inspiration:
- A Reddit user in this r/Infidelity discussion thread says, “This is more of a long-term play, but call the IRS tip line and report him for suspected tax fraud.”
- A Reddit user in this r/Infidelity discussion thread says to squirt fish oil on their windowsills if it’s currently hot to give them an uncontrollable fly infestation.
- Many Reddit users in this r/AskWomen discussion thread spill that they’ve called their cheating ex’s mother to tell them what happened. Another user in the same thread shares that they lied and stated they also cheated on their partner.
- A Reddit user in this r/AskReddit discussion thread says, “One word… Glitter 😂😂.” Another user in the same thread recommends ripping the packaging off all their canned food so the only way to find out what it is is to open it. Oh, or taking all their right shoes and leaving only their left shoes!
- One person told BuzzFeed their ex was still using their Netflix account, so they changed the password when he had 3 more episodes left. Another BuzzFeed user shares that they dipped a Q-tip in bleach and bleached their name into all of their ex’s underwear, before dumping his stuff on the porch, of course.

Section 3 of 3:

Frequently Asked Questions About Relationship Infidelity

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How will I know if I’ve truly moved on? According to Chan, you’ll know if you’ve moved on when you no longer feel an emotional charge toward your ex or the breakup. Moving on means processing the emotions of your relationship in a healthy way: allowing yourself to feel your emotions, allowing time for healing, and then reflecting on the lessons you can learn to grow from the experience, she elaborates.^{[9]
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Amy Chan
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- Chan continues by saying it’s when you’ve stopped hoping someone will change and aren’t stuck ruminating about the injustice, nor are you fantasizing about a future with your ex.^{[10]
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Can a relationship work after cheating? Licensed clinical psychologist (PSY #31949) Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD, shares that many relationships with infidelity survive, but it takes time and effort. She recommends asking your partner to explain themselves and why they betrayed your trust, then asking yourself whether you can rebuild trust and whether you want to continue the relationship.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)

Expert Interview} Then, see if there’s a willingness from your partner to continue the relationship. If the answer is yes to both, understand that a long journey lies ahead, and it may help to seek couples counseling together.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)

Expert Interview}
- While it is hard, many couples overcome the damage from infidelity and make their relationship stronger, agrees marriage and family therapist Elvina Lui, MFT. The key is rebuilding trust from the rubble, with both people showing each other that they believe in the relationship.^{[13]
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Can a man change after cheating multiple times? Yes, but serial cheaters require awareness of their actions and intense, long-term effort.^{[14]
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Research source} Relationship coach Cherlyn Chong says cheating is complex and the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” isn’t true because people cheat for different reasons. She adds that it’s important to understand why someone cheated before deciding whether to stay in the relationship.^{[15]
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Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- Real change looks like taking responsibility for your actions without blaming another person, being genuinely honest and consistent, accepting that rebuilding trust will take a long time, and respecting whatever boundaries or consequences you need.

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Question

What are the benefits of faking happiness?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Faking happiness can help you overcome any challenges in life because happiness is inside work. If somebody you know betrayed you, how do you overcome that? Be happy. That's true again for any kind of negative situation, like not getting a raise at work or dealing with bad weather. If you're happy, you can deal with the situation in a better way.

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Question

Can you fix a broken relationship after cheating?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

It's a decision that the couple has to make—there aren't any specific rules. Normally, it might take even two years to repair that type of relationship issue. Ultimately, people have to be willing to accept the commitment to the process. There will be a lot of ups and downs, but that doesn't mean that it's not going to work.

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Warnings

Think carefully before enacting certain types of revenge. For instance, if you destroy the person's property or threaten them, you could get into legal trouble or go to jail.

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