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This article was co-authored by Dr. Marisa G. Franco and by wikiHow staff writer, Samantha Fulton, BA. Dr. Marisa G. Franco is a friendship and belonging expert based in Washington, D.C. She is a sought-after speaker who has spoken on human connection at major companies, including Lyft, Comcast, the American Psychological Association, and Harvard University, and has a TED Talk on making friends with 2 million views. In 2022, Dr. Marisa published her New York Times bestselling book, Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends. Dr. Marisa has curated findings from over 1000 research articles to offer research-backed, actionable advice for improving connection. She is an Assistant Clinical Professor at the University of Maryland, teaching courses on loneliness and friendship to honors students. In addition, Dr. Marisa is a licensed psychologist in Maryland whose research focuses specifically on friendship. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, Good Morning America, Scientific American, The Chicago Tribune, and Psychology Today.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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If you need a little extra assistance with making friends, you’re in the right place. Building new friendships can feel overwhelming and scary, but we’ve partnered with a friendship expert and a licensed psychologist to give you exclusive tips for making friends and maintaining your connections. Keep reading for everything you need to know about building friendships that last!
How do you make friends?
Friendship and belonging expert Dr. Marisa G. Franco says to be intentional about meeting people and putting yourself out there at events. Find activities and groups near you where you can meet like-minded individuals. Introduce yourself to new people and be direct about making plans and expressing your enthusiasm.
Steps
wikiHow Quiz: What's My Friendship Style?
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1. Be yourself: People connect with honesty, so don’t try to be someone you’re not.
2. Listen more: Pay attention when your friends talk. Really hear them instead of just waiting for your turn to speak.
3. Spend time together: Whether it’s grabbing coffee, working out, or just chatting, make time to connect regularly.
4. Be supportive: Celebrate their wins and show up when life gets hard for them.
5. Keep it balanced: Make sure it’s not one-sided give and take equally.
6. Do fun stuff together: Shared experiences, whether big or small, help create deeper bonds.
7. Respect boundaries: A healthy friendship respects each other’s space and needs.
8. Be honest: If something’s bothering you, talk about it. Good communication keeps things solid.
Friendships grow when you put in the energy and care to nurture them, so just keep it real and show up for the people who matter.
You might already have that in your workplace, for example, where you frequently interact with people. If you want to build your relationship with your colleagues into friends, you have to do something called repotting (according to Ryan Hubbard, who started the Kitestring project), which means varying the settings in which you interact, and that tends to deepen our friendships. You could invite your colleague to go for a walk after work, for example.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you make friends when you are worried about what they will think of you?
Trudi Griffin, LPC, MSTrudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.
Professional CounselorFirst, people don’t think about you as much as you think they do. Second, you cannot control what others think of you. Third, what they think of you is their business, not yours. Fourth, even if you know what they think about you, there is nothing you can do about it anyway. Just be you. If people do not think well of you, then you don’t want to be around them anyway. If this is something that preoccupies you so much you can’t make friends, talk to a therapist who can help you work past it. -
QuestionHow do you tell if people will be good or bad friends?Trudi Griffin, LPC, MSTrudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.
Professional CounselorIt is difficult to learn that until you know them better. One way to tell is by listening carefully to their stories. Do they talk about people they used to be friends with? Why are they no longer friends with that person? Sometimes that will give you clues to their character. Otherwise, pay attention to their actions as you get to know them and then make decisions about the time you spend with them. It is important to maintain boundaries with friends and those who overstep your boundaries without concern or apology are not people you want as friends.
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Tips
Tips from our Readers 
- More often than not, people really DO like talking about themselves! Ask them questions like, "So, do you play any sports?" or "If you were stuck on a desert island with only a rope, knife, and a lunchbox, what would you do with it?"
- Avoid gossiping about others. This may cause drama, get other people involved, and the people you're talking out may find out. This results in you losing friends and potentially scaring off new friends.
- After learning about a new friend's interest, try to learn more—you could even try to partake in it, too! People who have common interests have a greater chance of developing a lifelong friendship.
- If you don't have a friend right away, don't worry! There's a friend out there for everyone. Just remember, good friends are like gold, they're hard to find.
- Don't pretend to be someone you're not. It may show that you're not confident. Always remember to have fun in a new friendship and go with the flow!
References
- ↑ Dr. Marisa G. Franco. Friendship and Belonging Expert. Expert Interview
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-school-walls/202409/wired-for-positivity-how-optimism-shapes-our-well-being
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/3-health-benefits-of-volunteering
- ↑ Dr. Marisa G. Franco. Friendship and Belonging Expert. Expert Interview
- ↑ Dr. Marisa G. Franco. Friendship and Belonging Expert. Expert Interview
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
- ↑ Dr. Marisa G. Franco. Friendship and Belonging Expert. Expert Interview
- ↑ Dr. Marisa G. Franco. Friendship and Belonging Expert. Expert Interview
- ↑ Dr. Marisa G. Franco. Friendship and Belonging Expert. Expert Interview
- ↑ Dr. Marisa G. Franco. Friendship and Belonging Expert. Expert Interview
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
- ↑ Dr. Marisa G. Franco. Friendship and Belonging Expert. Expert Interview
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
About This Article
To make friends, join an organization, club, or sports team, since one of the best ways to make friends is to find people with similar interests. Try volunteering somewhere to meet potential friends who are passionate about the same causes as you are. If joining a group or volunteering is too far out of your comfort zone, try striking up conversations with people you see regularly, like someone you sit next to in class or the cashier at your favorite store. You could also try sitting with different people during lunch. It's OK if you're nervous to talk to new people. Just smile, stand up straight, and make eye contact so you seem friendly. Once you've talked a few times, try initiating a get-together by inviting them somewhere, like a sports game or a concert. After you start hanging out, you'll quickly become better friends! For more advice from our co-author, including specific pointers on how to ask someone to hang out, read on!
Reader Success Stories
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"This article helped me see that there are better ways to communicate with people. One key is: don't let them make you mad or mean. Your positive attitude can spread like a wonderful virus, supporting better communication."..." more
