14 Ways to Overcome Jealousy & Move On with Your Life

Licensed professional counselor (LPC) Casey Lee shares how to uncover the feelings underneath your jealousy

Co-authored by Casey Lee and Elaine Heredia, BA

Last Updated: August 22, 2026 Fact Checked

Everyone feels a little jealous once in a while. But when these feelings of jealousy begin to drive a wedge in your relationship and cause you stress, it’s probably time to start looking for ways to get rid of them. We partnered with mental health experts on a list of techniques to help you reflect on your jealousy and move on from any frustration you may be feeling in a healthy way. After reading these tips, you’ll hopefully better understand your jealousy and be ready to confront it head-on.

How do you get rid of jealousy?

Licensed professional counselor (LPC) Casey Lee says to find the underlying reason behind your jealousy to overcome it. For example, you might have felt abandoned or cheated on in the past, or you might lack confidence. Tackle those feelings head-on to heal by:

Calming down before acting on your feelings and saying something hurtful.
Using your jealousy as motivation to finally meet your goals.
Focusing on your positive qualities (e.g., kindness, bravery, work ethic, etc.).

1

Acknowledge your feelings of jealousy.

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Admitting you feel jealous is the first step to fixing the issue. When you notice feelings of jealousy starting to creep in, take a few minutes to check in with yourself. Ask yourself, “Am I jealous right now?” It's perfectly normal to get jealous once in a while, so don't judge yourself too harshly. But sometimes just naming your emotions can help you gain control over them.^{[1]
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Research source} Some signs of jealousy include:
- Spending most of your time wishing you had what others have instead of appreciating what you have.
- Constantly comparing yourself to your friends, family members, and coworkers, and finding that you always come up short.
- Feeling unhappy when you see your friends hanging out with other people.
- Getting upset when your significant other interacts with someone you think they might find attractive.
- Constantly looking at your significant other's social media for signs that they are cheating on you.
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Casey Lee is a licensed professional counselor (LPC) with over 10 years of experience. He helps couples grow and heal through safe and secure connections.

Tala Johartchi, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist. She specializes in substance disorders, love addiction, codependency, and more.

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC, is a relationship therapist. He focuses on improving his clients' strengths to help them become stronger and more adaptable.

2

Find the root of your jealousy.

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Sometimes there are deeper underlying issues that fuel jealousy. Once you admit that you're struggling with envious feelings, "look underneath the jealousy to find out why it's there," says Lee. "If you don’t feel secure, close, important, special, and loved, then feelings of jealousy might come up," he explains.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Casey Lee
Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC)

Expert Interview} For example, low self-esteem is often a cause of jealousy. When you feel like you’re falling behind everyone else, it’s easy to become jealous seeing other people’s successes.^{[3]
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Research source} Other possible causes include:
- Core beliefs about relationships: You might feel like your partner's exes are always a threat to your relationship, or that if your friends have fun with someone else, they won't like you anymore.^{[4]
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- Past traumas: Maybe you were cheated on in the past, and this caused you to start feeling insecure in future relationships.
- Mental health disorders: Anxiety disorders and depression might leave you feeling jealous of others or insecure about your own relationships.

3

Calm down before acting on your feelings.

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Take some time to cool off so you won't say anything you'll regret. There's nothing wrong with feeling jealous—it happens to everyone. However, feeling jealous isn't the same as acting jealous. Sulking, withdrawing from people, or aggressively lashing out might cause a rift in your relationships, so it’s best to take a deep breath and let yourself cool off before acting on your emotions.^{[5]
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- It can sometimes be tempting to pull away from the other person in an effort to get them to reassure you. Unfortunately, this will often have the opposite effect and create distance in your relationship.
- If you can, excuse yourself from the situation for a few minutes. Take a few deep breaths to help yourself feel more in control. Then, start to process what you're feeling and go back once you’ve sorted through your thoughts.
- If you do decide to talk to the other person about how you're feeling, wait until you've had time to really cool down and sort through your thoughts.

4

Use your jealousy to motivate yourself.

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Your jealousy might be just what you need to go after what you want. While people often view jealousy as a bad thing, being jealous can actually provide you with a valuable learning opportunity. When you’re jealous, it’s usually because you’ve found something you want but don’t have. So instead of stewing in these jealous feelings, clinical psychologist Tala Johartchi, PsyD, says to "put that envy into action, and find something that you can do or create a goal or do something that will allow you to fill that void."^{[6]
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Expert Source

Tala Johartchi, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview}
- If you feel jealous of your best friend because they're pursuing a career as an artist, this may be a sign to rethink your own career path.
- If you're jealous of the way a coworker dresses, develop your own unique style.
- If you're envying someone with a lot of money, make your dollars count. Save up your money to buy just a few nice items that will make you feel good about what you have.

5

Focus on your positive qualities.

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Find your own unique strengths to combat feelings of jealousy. Sometimes jealousy is rooted in feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. However, it's important to remember that you're a unique individual with lots of special talents and abilities! When you start feeling those tell-tale signs of jealousy, remind yourself of all the things that make you amazing.^{[7]
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- Write down all of the things you love about yourself and your life, such as your relationships, your amazing job, or how much you’ve grown in the past few years.
- When you're feeling jealous, read over the list to help you feel more confident.
- When you start having negative thoughts about yourself, make an effort to change them to positive thoughts. For example, instead of saying “I’ll never be able to do that,” say something like, “If I practice really hard, I’ll be able to do that too someday.”

6

Stop comparing yourself to others.

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Constantly comparing yourself to others can fuel feelings of insecurity. It can be tempting to compare yourself to others and try to compete with them. However, doing this constantly can just make your jealousy and feelings of insecurity worse. Stop comparing yourself to others and instead focus on yourself and how you’re doing.^{[8]
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- Compete against yourself to be the best version of yourself.
- Remember that even though someone’s life may appear perfect on the outside, they may have faced a lot of hardships and trials to get where they are.
- Reader Poll: We asked 469 wikiHow readers which strategy they would find most helpful for changing their thoughts and improving their self esteem, and 65% said stopping the habit of comparing themselves to others. [Take Poll]

7

Count your blessings.

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Being grateful for the good things leaves little room for jealousy. When you're blinded by jealousy, it can be hard to see the good things in your life. Make it a habit to remind yourself daily of things you’re thankful for and what you love about your life. The more you practice being grateful, the less likely you are to be jealous of others.^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source

Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public

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- Some things you might be grateful for include your family, your friends, your job, food to eat, water to drink, and a roof over your head.
- Start a gratitude journal to look at and gain strength from whenever you feel jealousy beginning to creep in.
- Spend some time helping others to remind yourself how fortunate you are. For instance, you can volunteer in your community or help a friend who's going through a hard time.^{[10]
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8

Pursue fulfilling hobbies and dreams.

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It’s harder to be jealous when you genuinely take pride in what you do. Prioritize your interests and invest more of your time and energy into them. Keep setting new goals for yourself so you stay challenged. When you're genuinely happy and fulfilled with your life, you'll feel more confident in what you have to offer.^{[11]
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- For example, you might train to run a 5k, start a side hustle, learn to play a musical instrument, or take a class to learn a new skill.

9

Limit your time on social media.

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Social media tends to only show the “perfect” parts of someone’s life. If you struggle with jealousy, it can be tempting to scour other people's profiles to look for flaws. However, most of the time those impulses will just feed your jealousy and make it worse. To stop any jealous feelings from forming, log off socials for a while and do something more constructive.^{[12]
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- For example, if you see that your friend is posting a lot of pictures with other people on social media, let that motivate you to call them up and make plans to hang out.

10

Put more effort into your relationships.

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Do things to make your relationships feel more secure and meaningful. If you’re feeling jealous or threatened by someone you're close to, it might be because you’re feeling a bit unfulfilled or neglected. To help remedy this, spend more time engaging in meaningful conversations or activities with that person.^{[13]
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- For romantic relationships, work on strengthening your communication skills with your partner and setting boundaries to help prevent jealousy.
- If you feel jealous or insecure in your relationship, tell your partner or friend directly. This will help you open up a dialogue about what you and the other person can do to make those jealous feelings go away.
- For example, talk with your romantic partner about establishing regular date nights when you can reconnect and just focus on one another.
- Put more effort into relationships where you truly feel valued. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself—like if they constantly brag about what they have or put you down—it may be time to move on.

11

Tell your partner about your jealous feelings.

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Telling your partner you're jealous may help reassure you. If you're jealous of your partner and you just can't get over it, talk to them about it. Avoid blaming them, says relationship therapist Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC, but just tell them how you're feeling. For example, he suggests you say something like, "I feel jealous. It's not because you've done something wrong, but it's because of my past, and I just wanted to share that with you."^{[14]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Relationship Therapist

Expert Interview} Hopefully, your partner won't dismiss your concerns, but instead be more considerate of your feelings when they do certain things in your relationship.
- For example, if it bothers you that your partner doesn't communicate what time they're going to get home from work, they might start texting you every evening when they leave.

12

Practice trusting your partner or friend.

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Look to see if there’s a rational reason for you to be jealous. Jealousy is often a sign that we're afraid of losing a person who's close to us, but that doesn't actually mean they're doing anything wrong or being unfaithful.^{[15]
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Research source} Be really honest with yourself about whether your partner or friend has given you a reason to feel jealous.
- Look for concrete evidence, such as a friend repeatedly canceling plans without any excuse, or flirty messages your partner has sent to someone else. If you come up empty-handed, it might be nothing after all.
- For example, if you're jealous that your friend is spending time with someone new, but they're still making time for you, you probably don't have anything to worry about.
- Note: If your partner is frequently dishonest with you or they've broken your trust before, your jealousy could actually be your instincts telling you something's wrong. Consider taking a step back to reflect on whether this is really a healthy relationship.
EXPERT TIP

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

Recognize if your jealousy is healthy or destructive. Feeling jealousy can be normal, but it shouldn't turn into possessiveness. Watch out for red flags like constant suspicion.

13

Talk to other people about your jealousy.

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Talking to others can be a healthy outlet for venting your frustrations. If you have a lot of pent-up frustration or anxiety caused by jealousy, don’t just keep it to yourself. Sit down with a trusted friend, family member, or partner who's removed from the situation and tell them what’s going on. If you don’t want to talk to anyone, here are some other suggestions for how to cope:^{[16]
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- Do deep breathing exercises, meditation, or mindfulness exercises.
- Exercise to burn off the stress and clear your head.
- Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal.

14

Talk to a therapist if the feelings persist.

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A therapist can help you work through any underlying issues. A trained therapist can help you see how your past is affecting your present, and they can also help you work on strategies to overcome that. They may also be able to help you build your confidence and self-esteem.^{[17]
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- For example, you may have an insecure attachment style if you constantly struggle with your sense of self-worth and feel like everyone around you is going to leave. A therapist can help you become more confident to prevent this from becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- Use sites like BetterHelp.com to find a licensed therapist near you.
1. And if the steps above have been helpful, be sure to download this article as a PDF so you can print, read, or reference it any time.

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How do I stop being so insecure?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Psychotherapist

Expert Answer

I always say to gain more self esteem, do esteem-able acts. Try volunteering or doing something that will make you feel validated and good about yourself. Look at it as an opportunity to grow.

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