Understanding Romantic Tension & Signs It’s Happening

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Body language & nonverbal communication expert Dr. Abbie Maroño explains the key signs of romantic tension

Co-authored by Dr. Abbie Maroño and Samantha Fulton, BA

Last Updated: August 19, 2026 Fact Checked

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• What is romantic tension?
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• Signs of Romantic Tension
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• Romantic vs. Sexual Tension
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• Signs of Sexual Tension
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• FAQ
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• Video

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If you need help understanding romantic tension and how to identify it, you’re in the right place. We’ve partnered with a body language expert for exclusive insights into what romantic tension looks like, so you’ll be able to spot it next time it’s happening. Plus, we’ll cover how it’s different from sexual tension and more, so make sure to keep reading!

Romantic Tension Meaning

Body language & nonverbal communication expert Dr. Abbie Maroño says romantic tension, an unspoken longing between two people, comes from build-up and uncertainty. It ramps up as a connection grows deeper without escalating, like in a slow-burn romance. You'll likely notice lingering touches and visible self-restraint.

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Section 1 of 4:

What is romantic tension?

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1. 
   Romantic tension is an unspoken or unidentified desire between two people. It often involves strong pent-up emotions. According to Dr. Maroño, romantic tension tends to stem from anticipation and ambiguity. This means that the tension itself usually comes from the fact that the romantic attraction is unspoken.

   • Think of the slow burn trope in romance books and movies. Mr. Darcy’s iconic hand flex scene in Pride and Prejudice (2005) is a great example of romantic tension.

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   Dr. Abbie Maroño is a behavioral and social scientist acknowledged by the U.S. Department of State as a top 1% expert in her field. She contributes regularly to Forbes and Apple News.

   Lauren Sanders is a professional matchmaker and dating coach with over 4 years of experience. She is the founder of Dating for the Soul and specializes in helping singles find love.
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Section 2 of 4:

Signs of Romantic Tension

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1. 1
   You feel a high level of anticipation. Dr. Maroño notes that anticipation is one of the biggest parts of romantic tension. If it feels like your emotions and longing have been growing more intense with time, you're likely feeling some romantic tension. It may be a “will they, won’t they” type of situation, where you can tell there’s something under the surface, but you’re still waiting for something to happen.

   • Example: If you've been friends with someone for a while, and you both have secret crushes on each other, odds are you're feeling some romantic tension—especially if you can both tell how the other person feels.
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   Emotions feel unresolved or ambiguous. This is another sign that Dr. Maroño emphasizes. Oftentimes, romantic tension comes from feelings and desires going unspoken. If there have been signs of interest like subtle flirtation or deep emotional intimacy, but nothing has been confirmed, you could be experiencing romantic tension.

   • Example: Maybe you and your friend have been flirty, but you're still staying "just friends." If there's romantic interest on both sides, but you're not talking about it, you're probably building some serious romantic tension.
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   There’s visible self-regulation. “A key factor in building romantic tension is visible self-regulation,” says Dr. Maroño. “When it is clear that a person is aware of their impulses and chooses restraint, it signals confidence, safety, and respect.” Self-restraint also builds anticipation.

   • Example: Think of Edward Cullen in Twilight. He and Bella build some crazy romantic tension throughout the movie because Edward constantly restrains himself.
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   There’s intention but not urgency. As Dr. Maroño points out, “When escalation is rushed or goal-directed, ambiguity collapses and tension disappears.” With romantic tension, you and the other person may know that there’s emotional intensity or romantic intent, but there’s no hurry to make something happen right away.

   • Example: Let's say you and your friend have admitted to having feelings for each other, but things still haven't escalated much beyond that. Now that you both know there's romantic interest, the romantic tension will probably keep building as you draw things out.
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   Touch tends to linger for longer than necessary. Dr. Maroño adds that lingering touch without escalation raises romantic tension. “This brief pause creates a moment of unresolved sensation, which the brain interprets as potential rather than completion,” she explains. This draws out the anticipation and adds to the intensity of your romantic tension.

   • Example: Let's return to the iconic Pride and Prejudice hand flex. Mr. Darcy holds Lizzie's hand just a little longer than he probably needs to, and we can clearly see that the romantic tension gets to him.
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   You make lots of intense eye contact. Steady eye contact is a key nonverbal sign of romantic tension, notes Dr. Maroño. If you’ve been making prolonged eye contact that feels straight out of an episode of Bridgerton, odds are you’re experiencing romantic tension.

   • Example: You and your crush may exchange lingering glances from across the room, or you may notice they're especially fixated on you while you're talking to them.
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   Interactions feel charged. Part of identifying romantic tension can come down to trusting your intuition and how you feel during interactions. If you’re picking up on intense emotional undercurrents every time you interact with someone, there’s very likely some romantic tension going on.

   • Example: If you walk away from a conversation with your crush about something simple like homework, yet you still get butterflies or feel flushed, there may be some romantic tension.
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   Other people notice the vibes. If friends or acquaintances have asked you what’s going on between you and another person, they might be sensing the romantic tension. Sometimes, there’s a palpable vibe between two people—if other people are picking up on it, there’s probably romantic tension.

   • Example: Your buddies may come up to you after that seemingly simple conversation about homework and say something like, "What's going on between you two?" because they couldn't help but notice the romantic tension.
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Section 3 of 4:

Romantic Tension vs. Sexual Tension

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1. 
   Romantic tension comes from emotional longing, while sexual tension is physical. Although both tend to arise from anticipation, romantic tension is usually more about unspoken feelings, and sexual tension is more about unresolved sexual desire. However, you won't always experience just one or the other. In fact, you may notice that romantic tension feeds into sexual tension (or vice versa).

   • For instance, two people who have been friends for years but have unspoken romantic feelings for each other likely experience romantic tension because of the ambiguity, which Dr. Maroño says is a key trait of romantic tension.
   • Two people who have been on multiple dates, have expressed attraction to one another, and have kissed but haven’t slept together yet are likely experiencing sexual tension.

Section 4 of 4:

Signs of Sexual Tension

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1. 
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   There’s a frequent desire to be around each other. Matchmaking & dating coach Lauren Sanders says if you’re experiencing sexual tension, you’ll constantly want to be near the other person. You may always want to get physically closer to them, or you may notice they find excuses to be around you.
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   There’s lots of physical touch. Sanders lists this as another key sign of sexual tension. You may be experiencing sexual tension if there are lots of playful touches, cuddling, and physical affection. You and the other person likely go out of your way to be physically affectionate.
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   There’s prolonged eye contact. Prolonged eye contact is a good indicator of sexual tension, adds Sanders. This typically won’t just be fleeting glances. You’ll likely make and hold eye contact that feels charged. Odds are, you’ll be able to pick up the intention behind it if there’s sexual tension present.
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   You flirt excessively. This is a clear sign of sexual tension, according to Sanders. If you and the other person are constantly flirting and engaging in playful banter, you’re likely generating some sexual tension. There’s probably a fair amount of intensity and some clear sexual intent in these interactions.
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Common Questions: Understanding Romantic Tension

How do you build romantic tension in creative writing? Book reviewer & literary expert Francesca Graziella says to build up the angst and intensity throughout the story. “You’re not having them get together anytime soon,” she adds. Create chemistry between the characters with intense emotional connection and stolen glances. Allow the yearning to build, so even something minor like holding hands will feel charged to the reader.

What is the difference between romantic tension and awkwardness? Generally, romantic tension will be a pleasant feeling of emotional buildup, while awkwardness will make you uncomfortable or uneasy. If you’re experiencing romantic tension, you’ll likely want to continue being around the other person to work through the ambiguity or unresolved feelings. On the other hand, if it’s just awkwardness, you may feel like you want to remove yourself from the situation.

How can you tell if prolonged eye contact means mutual attraction? If there’s mutual attraction, the prolonged eye contact will often be paired with other signs. Matchmaker and dating coach Lauren Sanders lists flirting and physical touch as other signals that there’s mutual attraction. If it’s only prolonged eye contact with no other indicators, it’s less likely to indicate mutual attraction.

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