How to Spot Common Stalking Behavior and Stay Safe

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Clinical psychologist Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS, shares what to do if you’re experiencing stalking
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Many people do not take stalking behaviors seriously, which can lead to potentially dangerous situations. A stalker is someone who pays attention to you in a way that would cause most people to feel fearful. Stalking is illegal and can be accompanied by behaviors related to harassment or intimidation. WikiHow sat down with multiple professional psychologists and relationship coaches to help you identify precisely what kind of behaviors to look out for, as well as what you should do if you think you are being stalked.

How to Identify Stalking Behavior

Clinical psychologist Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS, explains that any persistent, unwanted behavior qualifies as stalking. He urges anyone who experiences stalking behavior to contact police immediately. Other signs of stalking may include:

  • Unwanted and incessant contact by phone, text, email, or social media
  • Unexplainable knowledge of your schedule, personal information, or commitments
  • Disregard for your personal boundaries and requests for privacy
  • Excessive gift-giving or showing up unannounced
  • Escalation of stalking behaviors over time
Section 1 of 7:

Signs Someone Is a Stalker

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  1. Step 1 They won’t stop trying to contact you.
    A stalker may begin to immediately reach out to you and contact you incessantly. This person may begin to call, text, email and visit you to a degree that feels invasive to you. If the contact feels outside of social norms and exceeds your comfort level, the behavior may be related to stalking.[1]
    • Do not wait for the problem to get worse. If someone will not leave you alone despite your instruction to do so, Dr. Brown says to contact the police. “Please remember that you have a right to safety,” he says. If the person is making you feel uncomfortable, call the authorities.[2]

    Meet the wikiHow Experts

    Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS, is a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience helping people with trauma, abuse, and psychological disorders.

    Cristina Morara is a relationship coach who specializes in helping people develop productive relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries.

    Allison Broennimann, PhD, is a clinical psychologist with over a decade of experience treating patients with severe relationship problems.

  2. Step 2 They seem to know where you’re going to be.
    A person with stalker tendencies may insist you bring him or her to events, or to tag along to meetups with friends or family. The person may insist on knowing where you’re going or knowing your plans. You may begin to feel uneasy with someone always wanting to know your whereabouts or plans for the day.[3]
    • If someone insists on knowing what you do each day, this can be a red flag. There’s a difference between being interested in your life and becoming obsessed with your whereabouts.
    • If you begin to date someone who shows these traits, reconsider seeing him or her again.
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  3. Step 3 They do not honor boundaries or requests to be left alone.
    Consider how they respond to boundaries. Notice what happens if you politely set a boundary with them, such as "please don't talk to me when I'm working" or "please don't call after 9pm; I need this time to unwind alone." While regular people will respect this, a stalker will not. They may ignore your boundaries, try a different technique to invade your space (e.g. spying), or intimidate you so that you are afraid to set boundaries.[4]
    • Some socially awkward people, and people with developmental disabilities, have trouble reading body language. But, if you clearly ask them not to do something, they are capable of respecting that.
  4. Step 4 They get you a lot of gifts.
    Stalkers often use physical gifts to try and win the favor of their targets. In their head, your affection is something they can “win” over if they just try hard enough. If their physical presence seems to upset you, they may just start bombing you with gifts, food, tickets to events, and all kinds of other stuff.[5]
    • It’s important to not accept gifts from someone if you think they’re a stalker. By accepting (or even enjoying) their gifts, you may accidentally send the signal that you want to spend more time with them.
  5. Step 5 They show up randomly.
    Someone with stalking tendencies may drop in and visit you unannounced. This is troubling if you tell someone you have plans and the person shows up without telling you first. Pay attention to this warning sign that the person is not attending to your boundaries or respecting your privacy.[6]
    • The person may act innocent enough, but pay attention to your own feelings. Do you feel uneasy or threatened, even just a little? Does the visit feel a bit aggressive or invasive to you?
    • You might also notice that you bump into the person often when you are out. This may be because the person has memorized your schedule and knows where to find you throughout the day.
  6. Step 6 They know things about you that they shouldn’t.
    Do they seem to know where you used to work, live, or go to school? Do they mention a name of a family member they have no business knowing about? Have they reached out to you with an email address you never gave them? All of this is a sign that you’ve got a stalker on your heels.[7]
  7. Step 7 They escalate in the severity of their behavior.
    Stalkers rarely find a “sweet spot” where they’re happy to just keep paying attention to you or text you at a fixed rate; instead, they tend to keep increasing and increasing in their obsession, which leads to even more intense behaviors. If someone engages in any of these behaviors, contact the police immediately:[8]
    • They vandalize your home or property.
    • They send you threatening letters, pictures, or “gifts” in the mail.
    • They drive by your home frequently.
    • They contact your friends or family to try and find you.
    • They physically threaten you
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Section 2 of 7:

Red Flags to Watch Out For

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  1. Step 1 An inability to leave you alone
    A normal partner or friend should have no problem going off to do their own thing for a few days without needing to constantly see or talk to you. If a person in your life seems hellbent on being around you way more than it feels like they should, it’s a sign they may have the kind of attachment issues that can lead to stalking.[9]
    • Try not to mistake fawning for potential stalking behavior. If you just met someone and they just seem really amped to be around you, it could just be a sign that they like you a lot. This isn’t worrying behavior on its own. It’s when you try to get some space and they literally cannot stop pestering you that it’s a red flag.
  2. Step 2 Trouble taking “no” for an answer
    Stalkers get very frustrated if someone enforces a boundary, asks for space, or tries disagreeing with them. If they tend to really lose their cool when you don’t answer them in a way they’d want you to, it’s a big sign that may have potential issues with the impulse to stalk someone.[10]
    • For a stalker, following and being near their victim at all times gives them a sense of control they lack elsewhere in their lives, so “no” tends to be a hair-raising trigger for them.
  3. Step 3 Anxiety about defining a relationship
    A potential stalker is often going to be very nervous about getting confirmation from you that the two of you are friends, or dating, or “official.” If a person in your life that you’re talking to is coming on super strong and pushing you to take steps forward when you aren’t ready, it could be a bad omen for the future.[11]
  4. Step 4 Excessive clinginess
    This isn’t automatically a sign that someone is going to be a stalker—they could just be a bit of a clingy partner—but it’s a common denominator among many stalkers. They may be extremely hard to get rid of once they’ve identified someone they might be forming an obsession with, so keep an eye on any excessively clingy behavior.[12]
    • A little clinginess is okay so long as they respect boundaries. Say you start dating a guy and the first time you don’t respond to a text for a few hours he starts freaking out a bit. He double- or triple-texts, calls you a few times, etc. If you say, “Hey, I appreciate how much you want to connect, but you’re spooking me a bit. I was just doing homework. Let it breathe!” they should chill out. If they still do this kind of thing, it’s a bad sign.
  5. Step 5 Depressive or anxious disposition
    Stalkers often don’t feel good about what they’re doing—they just cannot stop their compulsive behavior. As a result, stalkers are rarely a good time to be around. They may be especially dour, broody, or sad, or they may have more of a nervous disposition than they should. Just in general, they’ll give off bad vibes.[13]
    • This isn’t a universal sign. Sometimes a depressive person is just genuinely depressed, and it’s not uncommon for stalkers to hide who they are and put on a show that makes them seem like super reasonable people.
  6. Step 6 Constant worrying over you
    A stalker may act like they have a serious vested interest in your job interviews, school exams, personal responsibilities, and relationship issues. They’ll try and insert themselves in your life in ways that feel inappropriate or over-the-top.[14]
    • The energy to look out for here isn’t “They really care about me being safe,” it’s more, “They really need to know where I am and what I’m doing.”
  7. Step 7 Making you feel uncomfortable
    Your gut reaction to a person matters a lot. If someone is giving off stalker vibes, it’s a good sign they might be a stalker. Human beings are naturally born with this innate ability to suss out danger, and if a guy or girl just makes your alarm bells go off, it’s a good idea to trust yourself.[15]
    • Ask a friend or family member what they really think. Friends and family won’t always tell you how they feel about a friend or potential partner if they don’t want to hurt your feelings, but if you ask for genuine feedback, they’ll tell you what they think. If everyone in your life says “run,” it means something.
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Section 3 of 7:

Dealing With a Potential Stalker

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  1. Step 1 Tell them firmly to leave you alone the first time.
    Dr. Brown says to put your foot down and make it clear you no longer wish to interact with them.[16] If this is enough to get them to stop, you can leave it here. If they keep pushing though, do not rely on words again. Take it as a sign they’re escalating and choose a more intense remedy.[17]
    • Be extremely clear. Do not leave the door open for a future relationship. Say, “I do not want to be friends, please do not contact me,” or, “We are not in a relationship. Stop getting me gifts and calling me all the time. I do not want to be with you.”
    • Never confront your stalker alone. Always have someone—a friend, a family member, or an acquaintance—present with you. If necessary, alert the police.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 467 wikiHow readers if they liked to befriend their neighbors, and 70% of them said no. [Take Poll] However, it may help to have friendly people who can keep an eye out for a stalker in your neighborhood.
  2. Step 2 Block them on social media and on your phone.
    Relationship coach Cristina Morara says, “Stop all contact immediately. Do not talk on the phone, text, email, or engage on social media.”[18] Once you’ve put your boundary down, don’t give them access to you in any way. If you’re still connected somehow on social media, block them. Then, go into your phone and block their number.[19]
    • If you really don’t feel safe, consider changing your locks and letting your friends and family know about the situation. You may even want to move if they know where you live, or change your phone number.[20]
    • Do not change your mind if they back off. Clinical psychologist Allison Broennimann, PhD, explains that if someone was abusive in the past, you have zero obligation to show them any kind of “social etiquette.”[21] They’re not worth your time, so don’t try to ease up.
  3. Step 3 Tell your friends and family what’s going on.
    Morara says it’s important that people know there’s someone in your life who could potentially do something dangerous. "Make sure your friends and family know about it. Delicate situations like these can easily escalate so don’t hesitate [to get help] if you feel the least bit unsafe."[22]
  4. Step 4 Contact the police if they continue to violate boundaries.
    Dr. Brown says, “If the undesirable behaviors continue, do not hesitate or be persuaded to contact the authorities. It may be necessary to have an order of protection in place.”[23] Stalking is a crime. Even if none of their individual behaviors qualify as illegal, pestering someone to the point that they feel unsafe is illegal. If they continue to contact you and violate your request to be left alone, visit a police station and file a report.[24]
    • You may be able to request a restraining order. Called “no contact” orders in many states, you can ask to fill one out if you feel unsafe. Ask the police for guidance on when this would be appropriate.
    • Call emergency services if you feel like you’re in danger. Showing up at your home, following you, calling you nonstop, threatening you, and anything else that makes you feel unsafe warrants an emergency call.
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Section 4 of 7:

Do they have to threaten me for it to count as stalking?

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  1. No; any kind of excessive unwanted contact is stalking.
    Do not let a lack of threats of physical violence keep you from contacting the police. It is totally irrelevant whether they’ve said they’re going to hurt you or not—unwanted contact where the person refuses to stop is stalking, and stalking is a crime.[25]
    • Remember the acronym FOUR. This is a classic test for determining if someone is stalking another person or not. Here’s what it stands for:[26]
      • Fixated: They are locked in on a person they can’t leave alone.
      • Obsessive: They constantly think about that person.
      • Unwanted: They bother that person in an unwanted way.
      • Repeated: They continue to bother, despite being told no.
Section 5 of 7:

Do unwanted texts or DMs count as stalking?

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  1. Yes, a stalker doesn’t have to physically show up. It’s possible to stalk someone while living on the other side of the globe—all that matters is that they aren’t leaving you alone. If someone creates fake profiles to harass you on Facebook or Instagram, or they keep calling you from random numbers and trying to pester you, it counts as stalking.[27]
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Section 6 of 7:

Why do people stalk?

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  1. Stalking is typically the result of delusions or a need for control. If stalking is not the result of a breakup, it’s typically tied to a mental health issue. A person may be struggling with bipolar or schizophrenia and the stalking is a byproduct of those symptoms, or they could have a delusion in their head that their victim actually likes the stalking. In the case of psychopaths and narcissists, stalking is usually an expression of power. They want to control the life of the person they’re stalking, and the constant harassment is how they do that.[28]
    • Stalking can emerge as an unhealthy reaction to a breakup. Stalking is also an unfortunate reaction to a breakup for some people—they’re so broken inside that they think they can win their ex’s affection back if they only demonstrate their “love” enough.
Section 7 of 7:

Types of Stalkers to Watch Out For

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  1. 1
    Rejected stalker A rejected stalker used to have an established relationship with the person they’re stalking. It could be a romantic ex, an old friend, or a parent who was cut off. This kind of stalking is rooted in revenge and/or a desire to repair the relationship. The risk for violence with this type of stalking is high.[29]
    • What is this list based on? The typologies covered here are used in psychological research. We aren’t simply developing a list on our own here—these archetypes are part of the SRP (Stalking Risk Profile), which is a tool used to measure and analyze a stalker’s behavior.[30]
  2. 2
    Resentful stalker Resentful stalkers feel like they’ve been wronged by the person they’re stalking. Maybe they never got the promotion at work they were hoping for, or perhaps they were the victim of a childhood bully and they just can’t let it go as an adult. Regardless of the story, this kind of stalker wants to terrorize their victim and feel power over them. The risk of violent behavior here is high.[31]
  3. 3
    Intimacy seekerThis kind of stalker just doesn’t know how to express love properly. They’re lonely, and they don’t know how normal relationships work. Their stalking behavior is a byproduct of delusions that they’re not actually bothering the person they’re stalking—even if they’re told otherwise. The risk of violence isn’t quite as high as other types, but intimacy seekers can still be dangerous.[32]
    • Intimacy seekers are often dealing with significant mental illness. They may think that their victim is sending them secret signals to continue pursuing them, or believe they’re getting positive signals when they’re meant to be negative.
  4. 4
    Incompetent suitor Incompetent suitors want to date or marry the person they’re stalking, and they are either not perceptive enough to realize the other person isn’t interested, or they don’t care. They will persistently ask the person they’re stalking out, or make aggressive sexual advances.[33]
    • The risk of violence with incompetent suitors isn’t high if the stalking is a byproduct of utterly terrible social skills. If they just don’t care about the desires of the other person though, they can be extremely dangerous.
  5. 5
    Predatory stalker Predatory stalkers are extremely dangerous, and if you think you may have one, talk to law enforcement immediately. Predatory stalkers are driven by the unstoppable urge to have sex with, violate, or assault their target.[34] They may surveil their target, plan out home invasions, and daydream about hurting the victim.[35] Predatory stalkers cannot control their urges, and they often escalate in their behavior (many serial killers, serial rapists, and pedophiles qualify as predatory stalkers).[36]
    • Key signs someone is a predatory stalker (in addition to stalking behavior) include:[37]
      • Compulsive lying
      • Narcissism and psychopathy
      • Manipulative behavior
      • Antisocial behavior
      • Inability to control emotions
      • Prone to confrontations, but unusually friendly
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References

  1. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/stalking-safety-planning/
  2. ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/stalking-safety-planning/
  4. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/stalking-safety-planning/
  5. ↑ https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/beta-stalking-and-harassment/what-is-stalking-harassment/
  6. ↑ https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/beta-stalking-and-harassment/what-is-stalking-harassment/
  7. ↑ https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/beta-stalking-and-harassment/what-is-stalking-harassment/
  8. ↑ https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/beta-stalking-and-harassment/what-is-stalking-harassment/
  9. ↑ https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/beta-stalking-and-harassment/what-is-stalking-harassment/
  1. ↑ https://www.7af.pacaf.af.mil/News/Article-Display/Article/2915523/identifying-red-flags-and-bringing-awareness-to-stalking/
  2. ↑ https://www.7af.pacaf.af.mil/News/Article-Display/Article/2915523/identifying-red-flags-and-bringing-awareness-to-stalking/
  3. ↑ https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/10-signs-you-are-being-stalked/
  4. ↑ https://www.7af.pacaf.af.mil/News/Article-Display/Article/2915523/identifying-red-flags-and-bringing-awareness-to-stalking/
  5. ↑ https://www.7af.pacaf.af.mil/News/Article-Display/Article/2915523/identifying-red-flags-and-bringing-awareness-to-stalking/
  6. ↑ https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/10-signs-you-are-being-stalked/
  7. ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
  8. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/stalking-safety-planning/
  9. ↑ Cristina Morara. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  10. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/stalking-safety-planning/
  11. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/stalking-safety-planning/
  12. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
  13. ↑ Cristina Morara. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  14. ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
  15. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/stalking-safety-planning/
  16. ↑ https://jbws.org/domestic-violence-and-stalking/
  17. ↑ https://paragonteam.org.uk/abuse-types/stalking/
  18. ↑ https://jbws.org/domestic-violence-and-stalking/
  19. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/inside-the-mind-of-a-stalker/
  20. ↑ https://paragonteam.org.uk/abuse-types/stalking
  21. ↑ https://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2024-09-22/stalking-five-types-psychology-mental-health-baby-reindeer/104359666
  22. ↑ https://info.umkc.edu/rise/stalking/
  23. ↑ https://info.umkc.edu/rise/stalking/
  24. ↑ https://info.umkc.edu/rise/stalking/
  25. ↑ https://info.umkc.edu/rise/stalking/
  26. ↑ https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/abs/stalkers-and-their-victims/predatory-stalker/732099279D4F57D1A682004E7A6DDF22
  27. ↑ https://sk.sagepub.com/book/edvol/contemporary-perspectives-on-serial-murder/chpt/stalking-america-types-methods-criminal-stalkers#_
  28. ↑ https://leb.fbi.gov/articles/perspective/perspective-the-predator-when-the-stalker-is-a-psychopath

About This Article

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Co-authored by:
Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 30 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples; while treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. As a prolific author, Dr. Brown has published four books; contributed to multiple other books; published 500+ articles in professional and popular magazines, journals, and peer-reviewed publications; and has recently published a number of creative and literary works. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. He has also received a Master of Liberal Arts from Harvard University. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. This article has been viewed 271,129 times.
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Co-authors: 12
Updated: April 21, 2026
Views: 271,129
Categories: Personal Safety
Article SummaryX

To know if someone is stalking you, look for obsessive or controlling behaviors, as well as lack of respect for your boundaries. For example, they may constantly text you or ask to know exactly what you’re doing each day. Be wary of a person who knows more about you than you’ve told them, such as your route to work or when you go to the gym, since this may indicate they’re keeping tabs on you. You may also notice they develop obsessive tendencies, such as needing to see you every day, even though you'd ve told them to leave you alone. Remember that stalking can be intimidating and dangerous if you’re the target, so seek help from your local authorities if you spot somebody behaving like this towards you. For tips from our social co-author on how to confront a stalker, keep reading!

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