What Is the Talking Stage? Key Signs & What to Do Next

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Dating and relationship coach Liz Harrington shares advice on how to get through and move forward from the talking stage

Co-authored by Liz Harrington and Samantha Fulton, BA

Last Updated: June 18, 2026 Fact Checked

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• Meaning
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• Signs You’re In the Talking Stage
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• Navigating the Talking Stage
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• Getting Out of the Talking Stage
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• Talking Stage vs. Situationship
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• Video

|Show more |Show less

So, you’ve met someone new and have entered the dreaded “talking stage.” But what exactly does that mean? We’ve partnered with dating coaches to tell you everything you need to know. In this guide, we’ll define the talking stage and go over the key signs you’re in it. Then, keep reading for guidance on navigating and getting out of the talking stage. Plus, we’ll go over the difference between a talking stage and a situationship. Let’s dive in & get you one step closer to defining the relationship!

What does “talking stage” mean?

Dating and relationship coach Liz Harrington says the talking stage is the period of time after you’ve established mutual romantic interest, but before you’ve defined your relationship. It can last for weeks or months, depending on the situation. A talking stage is typically low commitment and doesn’t involve labels.

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Section 1 of 5:

What is the talking stage?

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   The talking stage is the phase before establishing a committed relationship. In this stage, there’s mutual romantic interest, but you haven’t necessarily defined the relationship yet or become exclusive, explains Harrington. You and the person you’re talking to are still just getting to know each other! This is the dreaded “will we, won’t we” period of a relationship—the sparks are sparking, but you don’t quite know whether or not the two of you will lock things down.

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   Liz Harrington is a dating and relationship coach with over 6 years of coaching experience. She helps women navigate modern dating with clarity, confidence, and discernment.

   Hayley Quinn is a dating coach based out of the UK. She has over 15 years of experience and has coached more than 7,500 clients worldwide through her in-person coaching and boot camps.
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   The talking stage is less committed than “dating.” While there can be some overlap between the talking stage and dating, you can generally assume there’s a bit more commitment involved in dating. The talking stage is more about casual, digital communication, while dating involves consistent, in-person time together. You may or may not be exclusive while you’re dating, but either way, it’s generally a step or two closer to a defined relationship than the talking stage is.
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   “Talking stage” can encompass in-person or digital communications. The exact guidelines of what “counts” as part of the talking stage depend on who you ask. Some people see it as the period of texting or messaging on a dating app before meeting in person, but others see it as any interactions that occur between matching/meeting and defining the relationship.

   • For example, Harrington says, “If you've been on 3-4 dates, and you are continuing to text, go on dates, and get to know the other person, you've entered the ‘talking stage.’”
   • Your talking stage might look different than someone else’s. It all depends on your approach to dating, so don’t put too much weight on what you hear your friends or people online say.
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   The talking stage can last for weeks or months. Dating coach Hayley Quinn notes that if you meet on a dating app, it’s normal to spend a week or two “talking” before you plan a date. She says the time in the talking stage may be shorter if you’ve already met in person. Still, some people may find themselves in months-long talking stages—this can result from fear of commitment or lack of communication.

   • If your “talking stage” has gone on for months with no discussion of commitment, you may actually be in a situationship. We’ll unpack the difference between the talking stage and a situationship in more detail later in this article.
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Section 2 of 5:

Key Signs You’re in the Talking Stage

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   The connection is new. The talking stage typically starts when you either match with someone on a dating app or meet a potential partner for the first time. You likely haven’t gone on a date with this person yet. If you’re in the talking stage, you’re probably still getting to know each other and determining if you’re compatible.
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   There’s romantic intent. Even though the talking stage can get confusing, it’s usually at least clear that there’s mutual romantic interest. Since the talking stage often stems from matching on a dating app, it should be fairly easy to clock this sign. Even if you haven’t been on a date yet, there should be plans in the works, or there will be clear signs of flirting.
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   There are no labels. In the talking stage, you won’t be calling each other your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner. If you’re in the talking stage, it means you still haven’t defined the relationship. You may be able to tell that you’re headed in that direction, but you’re not calling it anything yet. Right now is just a low-stakes time to keep getting to know each other before you label the relationship.
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   It’s low-commitment. Your connection isn’t exclusive if you’re in the talking stage. Since you haven’t defined the relationship, the talking stage can mean that you’re both still free to date other people. You might still be swiping on dating apps or meeting new people when you’re out and about. In the talking stage, neither of you are tied down, but you might be moving toward something more committed.
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   Communication is still mainly digital. Again, it depends on who you ask, but oftentimes, the talking stage is based on digital communication. You’re probably texting, snapping, or calling each other semi-regularly as part of the “getting to know you” process. Maybe you’ve even been on a date or two, but you’re still not seeing one another IRL all that often.

   • Primarily digital communication is normal for the talking stage, but Quinn recommends prioritizing people who “create real-world consistent time to get to know you better” if you sense that this person isn’t serious about the connection.
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Section 3 of 5:

How to Navigate the Talking Stage

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   Understand what type of relationship you want. The talking stage will be easier if you go into it knowing what you want. We’re not saying you need to know if the person you’re talking to is “the one,” but it can be helpful to have a general idea of what you want out of a relationship. Are you looking for something serious, or are you open to casual? Do you want to find a life partner, or are you just looking for a fling? Knowing these things about yourself can help you manage your expectations as you navigate the talking stage.
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   Be up front about what you’re looking for. If you know what you want, don’t be afraid to communicate it! Whether you want something casual or something serious, be up front with the person you’re talking to. This can help them manage their expectations and can save you both time if it turns out you’re not looking for the same type of relationship or level of commitment.
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   Keep your options open. Remember, the talking stage is low-commitment and non-exclusive, so it’s usually best not to put all your eggs in one basket. You might have a great feeling about the person you’re talking to, and that’s super exciting. But don’t forget to keep an open mind, too! Nothing is set in stone in the talking stage, so don’t be afraid to keep exploring your options if you want to keep meeting new people.

   • Harrington agrees and says, “Until exclusivity is established, both of you are free to explore other connections.”
   • She also adds that you should continue to live your life as a single person—spend time with friends, engage in your hobbies, and focus on your career.
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   Look for signs of the other person’s intentions. Let’s be real, there are some people who pretty much live in the talking stage—certain people don’t ever intend to move beyond it, notes Quinn. So, Harrington says the best way to navigate the talking stage is to stay present and observe how you are feeling and how they are showing up for you (versus jumping to any conclusions); you are simply collecting data in this stage.

   • For example, Harrington suggests paying attention to whether they seem curious and interested in getting to know you, whether they are planning dates, and whether they’re making you a bigger part of their world (like by investing more energy in texting, introducing you to friends, and spending time with you).
   • Quinn recommends gauging interest by suggesting to meet in person if you’ve been texting for a while without much real life interaction.
   • You should also make sure you are showing interest in the person, too, notes Harrington.
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   Communicate if things get too confusing. Harrington notes that the talking stage can be anxiety-inducing, as there is uncertainty around how the other person feels and how serious they are about pursuing a relationship, as well as how you feel about them. If you reach a point where not knowing what the person wants is disturbing your peace of mind, communicate with them. This doesn’t need to be a super serious conversation—you might just ask a casual question to see where their head is at.

   • If you’ve been texting nonstop with no in-person meetup in sight, you might ask, “Are you interested in spending time together in person?”
   • If it feels like you’ve lingered in the talking stage for longer than you’re comfortable with, you might ask, “Do you want this to be official?” or “Are you still talking to other people?”
   • “If you are at a point where you want to be exclusive with the other person, and you've been talking for 3ish months consistently, ask how they feel about the connection and let them know what you want in a way that is unattached from their response or the outcome,” recommends Harrington.
   • “The most important thing is to make your desires known, even if it feels scary,” adds Harrington.
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   Know when to move on. If communication is dwindling or you can’t seem to get out of the talking stage, it might be time to decide whether you want to keep spending time on this connection. Quinn says you don’t have to close the door on the conversation entirely, but that it can be good to invest time in other connections if you’re not getting clear signs about the one you’re in.

   • Make sure you’ve communicated what you want before you turn your back on a connection—they may be holding back because they’re unsure if you’re interested!
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Section 4 of 5:

How to Get Out of the Talking Stage

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   Decide how long you’re comfortable being in limbo. Setting the boundary for yourself will help you decide how to move forward. This will look different for everyone. Do some reflection and decide how long you’re okay waiting to define the relationship. If you’re comfortable with low commitment and want to continue talking to other people, you might be okay waiting a little longer. Or, maybe you already know you like this person and want to cut right to the chase—sometimes it’s best to trust your gut!

   • Make sure to check in with yourself on why you feel eager to get out of the talking stage. Sometimes, it can be healthy to sit in discomfort. Ask yourself if you’re just feeling anxious about the uncertainty or if taking the next step is actually the right move.
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   Show them you’re interested. Make sure you’re flirting and letting them know you’re into them! If you’ve been talking for a while and nothing has happened, they might start assuming they’re in the friendzone. If you’re seeing each other in person, Quinn recommends using a playful touch on the arm or shoulder to signal that you’re interested. If you’re still communicating through text, don’t be afraid to send a few flirty messages.
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   Make an effort to spend more time together. Quinn says this is a good way to test the waters. Do they jump at the chance to meet in person, or do they usually make excuses not to see you? Getting an idea of how eager this person is to spend time with you can help you determine if you should make a move to progress the relationship. Plus, if they do want to spend more time with you, things could progress organically the more you see each other.

   • If they’re avoiding spending time with you, it’s probably time to move on. Sometimes, the best way out of the talking stage is by finding a more promising connection.
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   Be direct and ask for what you want. At the end of the day, this is your only surefire way to get out of the talking stage on your own timeline. If you feel good about this person, and you’re eager to define the relationship, don’t be afraid to go for it! The right person will be just as excited to make things official as you are. Tell them you like them and want to take things to the next level (whatever that may mean for you)!

   • If you’re afraid that having a conversation will spook the person you’re talking to, it might be time to reconsider whether this is a worthwhile connection. You deserve someone who matches your enthusiasm and doesn’t make you doubt yourself!
   • If things don’t go the way you hoped, don’t let it get you down! It probably wasn’t personal—keep putting yourself out there, and you’ll find the connection you deserve eventually.
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Section 5 of 5:

Talking Stage vs Situationship

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1. 
   Situationships last longer than the talking stage. Typically, the talking stage is just a short stop on the train ride into a committed relationship. A situationship, on the other hand, is a more prolonged gray area. Situationships can last for months or even years. While they’re both noncommittal stages, you can normally see the light at the end of the tunnel with the talking stage. If it seems like there’s no committed end in sight, you’ve probably moved into situationship territory.

   • Situationships also tend to involve more emotional or physical intimacy than the talking stage does. Situationships exceed the typical “getting to know each other” stage but never quite move toward a committed relationship.

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