How to Attract and Date Femboys (+ Where to Meet Them)

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Get the scoop on what femboys like and how to interact with them

Co-authored by NV Gay and Luke Smith, MFA

Last Updated: August 17, 2026 Fact Checked

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• Meeting Femboys
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• Pulling Femboys
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• What to Expect
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• FAQs
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• Video

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Femboys have entered the public eye, and now you’re probably curious about what it takes to pull one! In general, attracting a femboy is just like attracting anyone else, and they’re drawn to kindness and authenticity. That said, since it’s an alternative gender identity with its own culture, there are some key tips you’ll need to land the femboy of your dreams. That’s why we talked to queer culture and dating experts to show you where to meet femboys, how to interact with them, and what to expect when you do.

Attracting Femboys

Find and meet femboys on dating apps like Tinder or Grindr, on social media like Twitter or Discord, or IRL in queer spaces like Pride celebrations or queer gatherings. Treat femboys with curiosity, respect, and an open mind to signal that you’re well-meaning, safe, and attractive.

Steps

Section 1 of 4:

Where to Meet Femboys

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   Browse dating apps for a wide search. Dating apps bring potential partners straight to you, which makes them pretty clutch if you’re looking to pull a femboy. Hit up apps like Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble, and make sure to set your gender preferences to “seeking men” or something similar, since femboys primarily identify as feminine males.

   • Alternatively, hit up apps like Grindr if you’re looking for something more casual or a hookup.
   • When talking to a femboy on the apps, feel free to use all the same tips in this article—they apply both online and in-person!
   • For more help navigating queer online dating apps, check out our guide to Using Tinder When You’re Gay, plus our guide to the Top Queer Dating Apps.

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   NV Gay is an LGBTQIA+ activist and educator who focuses on empowering and uplifting marginalized communities. NV is a photographer, digital artist, educator, public speaker, and author of The Queer Allies Bible.

   Mark Rosenfeld is a dating and relationship coach based in Norman Park, Australia. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships.

   Kateri Berasi, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with nearly 20 years of experience in the mental health field.
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   Interact with femboys on social media. Many femboys are highly active online, since the internet is usually a safe place to practice self-expression and connect to like-minded people. Focus on social media like Twitter/X, Instagram, and Discord especially. Search the femboy hashtag and browse casually, following interesting creators and liking relevant content to tune your algorithm appropriately.

   • Try not to prowl social media just looking for a date—that can be a bit off-putting. Instead, interact with the femboy community naturally and respectfully, and be patient. Signal that you’re a well-rounded person before you hit the DMs!
   • If a femboy follows you, build rapport by interacting with their posts for a while. When the time is right, slide into their DMs!
   • Online gaming is also a great way to run into femboys, especially if you use voice chat.
   • Also check out r/femboysdating on Reddit.
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   Hit up LGBTQ+ spaces to meet femboys in-person. Licensed clinical psychologist Kateri Berasi, PsyD, says, “Join a Queer Club or Gay-Straight Alliance club in…your area and get to know people through this group... Seek out and attend any other activities through school or your area, such as Pride events, and get to know other queer people through these avenues." Hitting up IRL queer spaces is a great way to meet femboys in person and to get more familiar with your local queer community.

   • Also check your city or town’s event listings or subreddit to check for local queer events like board game nights, mixers, or even dating events.
   • You might also find femboys at queer-friendly bars or clubs.
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Section 2 of 4:

How to Pull a Femboy

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   Compliment their style to strike up a conversation. LGBTQ+ culture expert NV Gay tells us that femboys enjoy “dressing up and looking pretty.” A large part of the femboy subculture is about style and self-expression, so offering a thoughtful and respectful compliment about their appearance is a great way to spark a connection and get talking.

   • For example, you might compliment their outfit, hairstyle, makeup, or accessories. Say, “I love your skirt. I can tell you put a lot of thought into your appearance. How did you find your style?”
   • Avoid commenting on their body or physical features, at least at first, since that can feel a bit awkward or degrading. Instead, focus on the things they can choose, like their outfits.
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   Use relaxed, friendly body language to show that you’re chill. Just like with anyone else, stay relaxed, confident, and composed to show that you’re interested, trustworthy, and friendly. Dating and relationship coach Mark Rosenfeld says to keep your “shoulders back, chest or toes facing them, arms uncrossed, [while] smiling—the goal is to make yourself approachable.”

   • To improve your body language, avoid slouching, being too stiff, or coming across as nervous or defensive. Before and while talking to a femboy, take deep breaths to stay relaxed and cool.
   • Avoid touching them without their permission, just like with anyone else you’re hitting on. Stay respectful!
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   Show that you’re open-minded and accepting. Because of how they present themselves, femboys might tend to be a bit on-guard for people who might want to be hurtful or take advantage of them. It’s only understandable, given that femboys are already taking risks by choosing to present themselves with an alternative gender identity. That’s why it’s extra important to practice open-mindedness and curiosity when talking to a femboy.

   • Show that you’re cool with LGBTQ+ topics. It definitely helps to introduce them to your queer friends or community!
   • Mention popular queer figures or media to show that you’re in with the crowd.
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   Show interest in their personality, not just their aesthetic. Many people are attracted to the femboy aesthetic, but if you really want to pull a femboy, treat them like a person! Rosenfeld tells us to “share things that you’re both passionate about.” Ask them about their hobbies and interests, what their long-term plans are, what they think of current events, or even just what they’ve been thinking about lately.

   • Check out our list of the 200+ Best Questions to Ask Someone You Like for more conversation ideas.
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Section 3 of 4:

What to Expect from Dating Femboys

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   Be aware of the possibility of discrimination. Femboys are generally considered part of the LGBTQ+ community, and that community faces a good deal of discrimination. If you want to date a femboy, understand the struggles and risks of being someone in the queer community, and be ready to stand up for your partner and stay open-minded about their experience.

   • Femboys might also experience internalized shame or self-consciousness, which is why it’s important to support, praise, and affirm them frequently if you plan to date one.
   • As someone with a femboy, you might also face discrimination.
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   Get comfortable with unusual gender roles. Femboys tend to push the gender envelope and challenge societal norms. If you want a relationship with a femboy, get ready to open your mind to new gender dynamics. For example, if you’re a man, you might take a slightly different role in the relationship than you would if you were with a woman. A femboy might even pay for your dinner!

   • Keep in mind that, as a man dating a femboy, that makes you queer, too! It’s important to accept this part of you before you date another queer person.
   • Similarly, if you’re a woman dating a femboy, you might be expected to take a more masculine role, or there might be no standard roles at all.
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   Dating a femboy is just like dating anyone else, and requires the same respect. Some people see femboys as just a sexual goal or even a fetish, but this isn’t a good way to approach femboys or interact with them. They’re people like anyone else, and it’s best to see them as such. Don’t pursue a femboy just because you want sex, or for the novelty. Be a good date and a partner, and respect their identity and emotional boundaries.
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Section 4 of 4:

Femboy FAQs

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1. 1
   What is a femboy? NV Gay tells us that femboys take “traditional aspects of femininity and still maintain [their] masculinity.” Often, they’re men who adopt feminine styles and mannerisms, and push the boundaries of gender identity. While the most important aspect is their gender identity, their appearance and how they choose to express that identity are big factors, too!

   • That said, not every femboy identifies as male! Some are women with masculine traits, and others may be nonbinary.
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   Are femboys trans? Sometimes yes, sometimes no! As with many gender identities, “femboy” is more of a label for a complex set of experiences and a fluid identity. It’s true that many femboys are cisgender men who present with feminine traits, but some femboys are nonbinary people who mix gender expression, and others may even be trans men or trans women who choose to present their gender a certain way.
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   Where did femboys come from? People have been experimenting and remixing gender presentation for thousands of years, so femboys aren’t actually anything new. That said, the term itself originated in the ‘90s as a derogatory term. Since then, however, it’s been adopted by many queer people as a genuine identity, and has taken off on social media and blossomed into a flourishing community in the past 10 years or so.
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   Are all femboys gay? Nope! Plenty of femboys are straight and (if they identify as men) seek out women. Some are bi- or pansexual and may be interested in multiple other genders, and some are even asexual and don’t pursue sexual relationships. “Femboy” is a gender presentation, not a sexuality, meaning that they can be attracted to any configuration of gender despite the gender they identify as, just like anyone else.
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   What should I avoid when dating a femboy? Definitely avoid fetishizing them. If you’re reading this, you’re probably attracted to femboys, and that’s great! But keep in mind that femboys aren’t sexual objects; they’re people like anyone else, and deserve your respect and kindness. Treat them like you would treat any other crush!

   • Also avoid assuming their gender or enforcing typical gender roles.
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