105+ Short & Funny Text Jokes to Send Your Friends

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Comedian Manny Garavito shares tips for sending funny jokes over text

Co-authored by Dan Hickey Reviewed by Manny Garavito

Last Updated: April 30, 2026 Fact Checked

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Funny

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One-Liners

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For Adults

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Knock-Knocks

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Video

Want to make your friends laugh out loud with a text? Texting is a quick and easy way to connect with people, perfect for sending clever quips to brighten their day. All you need to do is find a few jokes that translate well on a phone screen! We’ve rounded up the funniest texting jokes, one-liners, and dark humor jokes for adults—with expert insights from a comedian. Read on for jokes that’ll make your friends holler, no matter where they are when they get your notification!

Our Favorite Funny Text Jokes

Comedian Manny Garavito says good jokes are those where the typed words allow the other person to hear your voice as they read it over text, especially in a bantering manner. Here are some funny examples:

What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.
The guy who stole my diary went missing. My thoughts are with his family.
Don’t take life too seriously. Remember, you will never get out of it alive!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben thinking about you all day!
What car does Jesus drive? A Christler.
It was so hot today. I almost called my ex to be around something shady.

Section 1 of 4:

The Best Funny Text Jokes

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Your friends are going to giggle when they get these text notifications. Sending a text joke out of the blue is the perfect way to put a smile on anyone’s face, whether they’re a friend, family member, or even your crush. Garavito says to write the joke in your natural language, repeating it in your head so they can picture you saying it. He also recommends utilizing caps lock, periods, ellipses, and emojis to add emphasis.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Manny Garavito
Comedian

Expert Interview} Here are some of the funniest (and cheesiest) dad jokes and puns to inspire you:
- What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships!
- What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.
- What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it’s apparent.
- What did summer say to spring? I’m going to fall.
- What did one snowman say to another? Wait, do you smell carrots?
- What did the hungry clock do? It went back 4 seconds.
- What’s the tallest building in the world? A library, of course. It has so many stories!
- What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur? Thesaurus.
- Why can’t you trust a burrito? They tend to spill the beans.
- What’s a plant’s favorite drink? Root beer!
- What did one hat say to another? You wait here; I’ll go on ahead.
- What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.
- What kind of button doesn’t button or unbutton? A belly button!
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Do you know what my favorite thing in the world is? The second word of this text!
- What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
- Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie.
- What do mermaids use to wash their fins? Tide.
- I went to a silent auction... …I won a dog whistle and two mimes.
- What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
- Have you ever heard about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up.
- Why did the coffee taste like dirt? Because it was ground just a few minutes ago.
- What is the best present? Broken drums! You can't beat them.
- Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They're making headlines.
- My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
- I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
- Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
- The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.
- My therapist says I have a preoccupation with revenge. We’ll see about that.
Meet the wikiHow Expert

Manny Garavito is a stand-up comedian, producer, and founder of Miami Comedy. He has produced over 5,000 live comedy shows and coached dozens of comedians globally in developing their stage presence and comedic voice.

Section 2 of 4:

Funny One-Liner Text Message Jokes

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Use these hilarious one-liners to make your friends (or crushes) cackle. A one-liner is perfect for a funny text message—they’re short, witty, and bound to get some “LOLs” from your friends! Plus, did we mention that they can make some great pick-up lines, too?
- We’ll we’ll we’ll… …If it isn’t autocorrect.
- Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
- The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
- The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It got a little tense.
- Roses are red, the world is a mess… …And worst of all, you’re not answering my texts.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9… …And I’m the 1 you need!
- Are you a keyboard? Because you’re my type!
- Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.
- I’m a nobody and nobody is perfect… …Therefore, I must be perfect!
- I know someone who does a great impression of an owl…
- This may be cheesy… …But you’re legen-dairy!
- Don’t take life too seriously. Remember, you will never get out of it alive!
- I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila!
- There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
- I threw a boomerang a few years ago… …And now I live in constant fear.
- Thanks for being my best friend. And for always going along with my worst ideas, of course!
- You and I will be friends forever! Because at this point, you know too much.
- Just burned 2,000 calories! That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
- Blunt pencils are really pointless.
- 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
- I know they say that money talks… …But all mine says is “Goodbye!”
- I used to have a handle on life… …But then it broke.
- I tried to catch fog the other day. But I mist.
- Let’s start telling people their brain is an app. Maybe then they’ll want to use it!
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s literally impossible to put down!
- I was raised as an only child. It drove my sister nuts.
- Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
- The guy who stole my diary went missing. My thoughts are with his family.
- My wife always complains that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
- People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
- Russian dolls are so full of themselves.
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.
- Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
- I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.

Section 3 of 4:

Funny Text Message Jokes for Adults

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Make a fellow grown-up laugh with these edgy, twisted jokes. If you and your friends are fans of dark humor, then an adult text joke will make their day! These one-liners, puns, and “mature” observations will be a welcome notification:
- It was so hot today. I almost called my ex to be around something shady.
- I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a roadworker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- The guy who invented auto-correct for smartphones died today. Restaurant in piece.
- How do fish get high? Seaweed.
- What does a grape say after it’s stepped on? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
- Did you hear about the guy who broke his left arm and left leg? He’s all right now.
- What car does Jesus drive? A Christler.
- Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up literally everything.
- What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
- Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
- Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
- What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
- What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
- If I had a garden, I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.
- What's the hardest tea to swallow? Reality.
- Why did the social media manager break up with her boyfriend? Lack of engagement.
- Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up at dawn? Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
- What do you call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending.
- You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need one to go skydiving twice.
- I'd love to have kids one day. But that's as long as I can handle them.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.
- The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
- What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
- Them: "I can’t come into work today. I got a doctor’s appointment."
  You: "I should see mine, too. I'M SICK OF THIS JOB!"^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Manny Garavito
  Comedian
  
  Expert Interview}
- Note: Garavito advises considering the relationship before sending a funny text.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Manny Garavito
  Comedian
  
  Expert Interview} For example, if your friend doesn’t have a dark sense of humor, a death joke might not be the best option.

Section 4 of 4:

Funny Knock-Knock Text Jokes

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Send a silly knock-knock joke for a fun conversation starter. Knock-knock jokes are perfect for texting because it gets both people in on the fun! Here are a few great ones to break the ice, make your crush laugh, or just playfully bother your BFF:
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Muffin. Muffin who? Muffin in this world can stop us!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben thinking about you all day!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, fine…W-H-O.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Armageddon. Armageddon who? Armageddon a little bored. Let’s go out!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? A week. A week who? Yeah, we coo’!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Honeydew. Honeydew who? Honeydew you mind opening the door?
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like a big hug?
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Owls. Owls who? Yes, they do!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any leftovers?
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor who? I love that show!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? Nobel…that’s why I knocked.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Cow says. Cow says who? No, a cow says mooooo!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Alice. Alice who? Alice fair in love and war.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Euripides. Euripides who? Euripides clothes, you pay for them!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Amos. Amos who? A mosquito. Look, right there!