How to Kiss: An Expert Step-By-Step Guide

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Dating coach Eddy Baller shares his tips on how to have an amazing kiss

Co-authored by Eddy Baller and Annabelle Reyes

Last Updated: May 27, 2026 Fact Checked

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• Before the Kiss
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• Having a Great Kiss
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• After the Kiss
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• Kissing FAQs
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• Video

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Want to have an amazing smooch, but not sure where to start? We’ve got you covered! In this article, we’ll take you through everything you need to know, including step-by-step instructions on how to kiss, how to build tension beforehand, and what to do after the kiss is over. We’ve even consulted wikiHow’s dating and relationship experts for their helpful insights and advice and answered a few common kissing FAQs. Whether you’re new to kissing altogether or you’re just looking for some tips to up your kissing game, we’ve got what you’re looking for here!

Kissing 101

Dating coach Eddy Baller says a good kiss is all about matching your partner’s energy and taking your cues from their movements, so that you’re complementing each other like yin and yang or fitting together like puzzle pieces. Here are some specific tips:

1. Take time to build up the tension with subtle, flirty touches.
2. Pay attention to their body language cues to make sure they’re into you.
3. When the moment’s right, ask them if it’s okay to kiss them.
4. Start out slow, keeping your mouth and lips relaxed.
5. As the kiss intensifies, deepen it and slowly introduce tongue.
6. Keep things interesting by varying your areas of focus and speed.
7. When it’s time to end the kiss, pull away gently and smile at them.

Steps

Section 1 of 4:

Preparing for the Kiss

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1. 
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   Build up the tension first. An amazing kiss doesn’t come out of nowhere! Before leaning in and going for the smooch, you’ve gotta take the time to set the mood and build up the romantic tension. According to Baller, this involves communicating your attraction through casual, flirty touches and body language, and also gauging your partner’s interest to make sure they’re on the same page as you.

   • “Start with a little bit of light physical contact…You might start by massaging their hand, moving up their arm, and then you’re basically building up the level of intimacy and also seeing how comfortable they are, because if they’re not comfortable with this physical touch, they’re not going to be comfortable with kissing either,” explains Baller.
   • Be careful not to overdo it. “It’s important to remember not to touch too much! Don’t come off creepy by touching them all over or touching them aggressively. Subtle touches are okay if they’re giving you the signs—touch them on the leg, on the back, be gentle and soft,” explains dating coach and matchmaker Laura Bilotta.

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   Eddy Baller is the owner of the dating coaching service, Conquer and Win. He specializes in confidence building, advanced communication skills, and building meaningful relationships.

   Laura Bilotta is a dating coach, matchmaker, and the founder of the coaching service Single in the City. She has over 21 years of experience.

   Danielle Bezalel is a sex educator whose podcast, Sex Ed with DB, provides smart, science-backed sex education and insights from experts on sex, sexuality, and pleasure.

   Connell Barrett is a dating coach and the founder of Dating Transformation in NYC. He helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, most confident selves.

   Maya Diamond, MA, is a dating and relationship coach who helps singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find security, heal, and create loving partnerships.
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   Look for signs that the other person is into you, too. As you’re initiating these subtle flirty touches, Bilotta says to pay attention to the other person’s body language cues. “These are some things that you want to look out for: Are they sitting close to you? Have they been staring in your eyes? Do you feel that they are flirting with you? Is their hand on you? Are they giggling a lot? Have they touched you at all?”

   • If you notice these signs, chances are that your partner would be OK with a kiss!
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   Make sure your breath is fresh and your lips are hydrated. Of course, it’s essential that your breath is fresh and your lips are soft and moisturized before moving on to the next step and actually locking lips! Carry some mints, gum, and chapstick with you so you’re prepared when the moment’s right.
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Section 2 of 4:

Step-by-Step Kissing Instructions

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   Ask your partner for consent when the moment’s right. If the flirty energy has been building on both ends, eventually you’ll be able to tell that the time is right. “Usually in that kind of moment, it's easy to feel that sexual tension. You're both looking at each other's eyes very intently. You're both smiling. There's a pause. Nobody's saying anything,” explains Baller. At that point, it’s time to ask your partner if it’s okay to kiss them. To make the moment flirty and romantic, sex educator Danielle Bezalel recommends voicing your own attraction and saying something like, “I really would love to kiss you. Is that okay?”

   • Even if you’ve been picking up on flirty signals and body language cues, “Without asking, you just don’t know if they actually want [to kiss],” explains Bezalel. As a result, it’s important to ask, instead of just assuming.
   • Dating and relationship coach Emyli Lovz offers another suggestion from an iconic early 2000s rom-com: “The movie Hitch—it’s an older one—has a really good tip. You lean in 90%, and you let them come in 10% for consent.” This way, you’re clearly showing your desire to kiss, but you’re letting them make the final move to initiate it.
   • Ultimately, you want the move you’re making to be well-received and wanted, not a surprise, explains dating coach Connell Barrett.
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   Start the kiss slowly and keep your mouth relaxed. “Try to slow down with any sort of physical contact,” explains dating and relationship coach David Chambers. “Anxiety and stress and worry make us speed up when we get in our heads.” For a good start to your kiss, Chambers says to avoid fast, jerky movements, and try not to hold your lips in a tense, stiff way. Slow down, relax, and take your time!

   • This also means holding off on tongue at first. “The worst type of kissing is when [someone] pushes [their] tongue down your throat, and you end up feeling overwhelmed by that,” explains relationship coach Maya Diamond, MA.
   • There will be a time for tongue, but it’s not right at the very beginning of the kiss!
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   Deepen the kiss (if the vibe is right). “To use tongue, tune in and attune to the other person while you’re kissing them to really feel them, so that there’s a feeling of connection,” recommends Diamond. If you feel connected to them and the attraction of the moment is building, open your mouth and try to introduce some tongue slowly and sensually, not in a jerky or aggressive way. “Don’t go stabbing them with your tongue!” Lovz warns.

   • Lovz adds that it’s essential to match the other person’s energy and take your cues from them. “You don't want to go in hard and intense if the other person is soft. So, paying attention to their energy and matching is important,” she says.
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   Switch up the area of focus and vary your speed. Don’t just stick to one area of the lips when you’re kissing! Explore other areas to keep things fun and interesting, and to switch up the vibe of the kiss. For example, according to Chambers, focusing on your partner’s top lip creates a more intimate and delicate vibe, while the bottom lip has a bit more substance or intensity.

   • It’s also a good idea to change up your speed throughout the kiss. For example, if there’s been a quicker, more passionate speed for a while, consider slowing things down to a gentler, more sensual vibe for some variety.
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   Pay attention to other erogenous zones. When it comes to kissing, the lips are usually the main focus, but you can really take things to the next level by paying attention to other erogenous zones of the face and body. For example, after kissing on the lips for a while, a few soft kisses on the cheek, neck, nose, or ear can be very sweet and romantic!
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   Know when to pull away. All good things must come to an end! When you feel the intensity of the kiss start to wane and the two of you are slowing down, it might be time to end the kiss. Pull back slowly, letting your lips linger for a bit, and then smile slowly to keep the energy flirty and show them that you enjoyed the kiss.
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   Stay in the present moment and have fun. Remember, kissing is supposed to feel good and be fun, so try not to overthink things or get into your head too much. It’s okay if you feel a little nervous or awkward at first—that’s totally natural. Just do your best to stay in the moment and enjoy the feeling of being close to the other person. You’ve got this!
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Section 3 of 4:

What to Do After the Kiss

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1. 
   Tell your partner that you enjoyed the kiss. “If the kiss was good, let them know! Tell them that they’re a good kisser,” says Bilotta. She recommends saying something like, “Wow, you really are an amazing kisser,” but you can of course adjust this to fit your own vibe and communication style. The point is to express your enthusiasm about the other person openly!

   • According to Bilotta, if you go silent all of the sudden because you’re feeling nervous or shy, the other person might think this means you actually didn’t enjoy the kiss.
   • “Don’t be awkward and silent when the kiss stops. Don’t avoid eye contact after you’ve kissed, don’t start being shy! Continue chatting and showing interest,” she adds.

Section 4 of 4:

Expert Kissing Q&A

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1. 1
   Where do you put your hands when kissing? According to Baller, this will depend on how you’re positioned and what the setting is, but placing your hands on their hips or holding their hands in your own are good options. “Usually, the hips are a great spot,” he explains. “Hands are great too—you can grab their hand and pull them in by the hand if you’re standing, or if you’re seated as well.”
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   What’s something you can do if you’re nervous about a first kiss? Lovz recommends watching kisses in movies to see what it’s all about. “I think watching movies is great. Watch some rom-coms and see what's going on there,” she explains.
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   How do you go from being a good kisser to a great kisser? Baller says that practice makes perfect, but it’s really all about matching your partner’s energy. “You're gonna want to kiss a lot to get good at kissing, and you can! A basic rule for a good kiss is to match your partner, so whatever their movements are, it's gonna be like the yin and yang, the way they fit together nicely like that.”

   • “Look at it like puzzle pieces,” adds Baller. “You want to fit together like a puzzle, so it's comfortable and there’s a lock or something—you just fit together. It fits nice. It feels good. That's the basic rule for kissing well.”
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   What are some signs that somebody wants to kiss you? If someone wants to kiss you, Baller says they’ll likely look at your lips frequently and smile at you a lot. “There should be some sexual tension—you’re looking at each other, you feel this thing, this energy or chemistry. There’s usually a lot of smiling going on and looking between the eyes and the lips,” he explains.
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