What Does It Mean to Be a Bottom, Top, Switch, or Side?

So, you heard the term “bottom,” but what does it mean? Whether you’re experimenting sexually, or you’re just unfamiliar with the terminology, we’re here to help. In this guide, we’ll explain what it means to be a bottom, top, switch, and side. Plus, we’ll cover safe sex practices for bottoms and more, so be sure to keep reading!

What does being a bottom mean?

Being a bottom is used in sexual contexts to describe someone who receives penetration during sex. It is frequently used to refer to queer men and those assigned male at birth (AMAB) in reference to anal penetration. However, it can refer to anyone who prefers “receiving” in the bedroom or who is sexually submissive.

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What is a bottom?

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In sexual contexts, a bottom is someone who receives penetration. Typically, this term is used by gay, bisexual, and queer men, or those assigned male at birth (AMAB), in reference to penetration during anal sex. It can also refer to someone who is generally more submissive during sex, regardless of anatomy, gender identity, or sexual proclivities.^{[1]
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- Keep reading to learn more about having safe sex as a bottom.

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What is “bottom energy”?

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Having “bottom energy” means being generally more shy and submissive. “Bottom energy” isn’t exclusive to what you do in the bedroom, though. While being a bottom refers to a sexual role, bottom energy just means you have the vibe of someone who’s not super dominant. This particular slang term is often tossed about in a teasing way if someone rolls over easily or comes across as passive in social settings.
- For instance, if someone lets their partner boss them around in public spaces, you might say they have “bottom energy,” even if you don’t know what’s going on in their sex life.
- Note: This phrase still carries sexual implications even if it’s not overtly referring to sexual relations, so avoid using it in places like professional settings or with people you don’t know very well.

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How to Have Safe Sex as a Bottom

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Communicate with your partner. Safe sex always starts with consent and communication. Make sure you and your sexual partner discuss boundaries before things escalate. If you’re nervous or uncertain about anything, talk to your partner about it. Always ensure there’s mutual consent and that you and your partner both feel comfortable and safe.
- It’s also crucial to ask your sexual partner about STIs and HIV. Ask if they’ve been tested recently, so you can proceed safely. Likewise, share your status with them.^{[2]
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Use protection to prevent STIs. When you’re receiving penetration, ask your partner to wear a condom. If you plan on being intimate with someone you don’t have an existing relationship with or whose sexual history you don’t know, make sure to keep condoms on hand.
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Look into PrEP for HIV prevention. If you’re at high risk for HIV, consider taking PrEP as a preventative measure. You’re at higher risk if you engage in unprotected sex with partners who are HIV positive or whose HIV status is unknown, if you engage in unprotected sex with someone who has multiple partners, or if you have unprotected sex after being diagnosed with an STI.^{[3]
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Use proper lubricant. Apply a generous amount of lube before receiving penetration. This will help make you more comfortable. In particular, silicone-based lube tends to help with anal sex because it’s thicker. Silicone- and water-based lube are also both safe to use with condoms, while oil-based lube can erode condoms.^{[4]
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Start slow. Whether or not this is your first time bottoming, it’s a safe bet to move slowly. Start with foreplay and use fingers or toys before progressing to make things more comfortable for yourself. Make sure you’re communicating with your partner as things progress, and remember that you can always stop if you feel any pain or discomfort.^{[5]
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What is a top?

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A top is someone who gives penetration during sex. As with bottoms, this is generally used in reference to gay men and AMABs. And again, it can refer to anyone who prefers to “give” rather than receive in the bedroom, regardless of anatomy, gender identity, and sexual proclivities. In general, someone who tops tends to be the more dominant sexual partner.
- If you’re topping, make sure to disclose your STI and HIV status to your partner to avoid transmission.^{[6]
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How do you know if you’re a top or a bottom?

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Consider whether you like being more dominant or submissive. Generally, the more dominant partner is the top and the more submissive partner is the bottom. If you prefer to take charge in the bedroom, you may be a top. On the flip side, someone who prefers being told what to do during sex may be a bottom.
- As with any labels, there aren’t hard and fast rules on defining traits. Just because you’re more dominant doesn’t mean you must be a top, or vice versa.^{[7]
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Try exploring on your own. Spend time exploring your own body to find out what you might prefer in the bedroom. Being tapped into your own sexual preferences before having sex with a partner can make it easier to know and communicate what you want in bed. You might try using fingers or toys to see what feels good.
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Experiment with different positions in the bedroom. There’s nothing wrong with trying new things to find out what you prefer. Ask your partner to try different sexual positions to see what feels best for you. Experimenting can be the best way to find out what really works and what you prefer going forward.^{[8]
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Remember, you don’t need to label yourself. Sexual preferences exist on a spectrum like anything else. You might find you enjoy giving and receiving, or that you’re not a fan of penetration at all. No matter what you decide, it’s okay. You don’t need a label for your experience to be valid.
- Not a top or a bottom? Keep reading to learn about what it means to be a switch or a side.

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What is a switch or verse?

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A switch, or verse, is someone who enjoys giving and receiving in the bedroom. This is someone who is okay with topping or bottoming during sex. If you’re a switch, you might change between sexual roles. You may or may not still have a preference for one or the other, but as the name implies, you don’t have a problem with switching things up.^{[9]
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- A switch may also be comfortable being dominant or submissive in the bedroom, regardless of sexual role.

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What is a side?

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Sides prefer other forms of intimacy that don’t involve anal penetration at all. This can include oral sex, mutual masturbation, to name a couple. While the term originated to refer to queer men and AMABs, it can be used by anyone who doesn’t engage in sexual penetration.^{[10]
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