Hypergamy Explained: Everything You Need to Know

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Dating and relationship coach Emyli Lovz explains the latest TikTok dating term

Co-authored by Emyli Lovz and Samantha Fulton, BA

Last Updated: August 6, 2026 Fact Checked

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• Hypergamy Definition
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• Who practices it?
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• Why is it a thing?
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• Is it harmful?
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• How It Affects Dating
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• TikTok’s Misconceptions
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• Video

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If you’ve been on TikTok recently, you may have seen a flurry of panic about hypergamy. But what does that word actually mean? Part of the internet seems to think it means their dating life is doomed, but the actual definition is much less dreary. Keep reading for a total breakdown of all you need to know about hypergamy, including what it means for dating, common TikTok misconceptions, and more, all with exclusive insights from a dating and relationship coach.

Explaining Hypergamy

Dating and relationship coach Emyli Lovz says that hypergamy is the practice of dating or marrying someone who has more education, money, or status. Historically, women needed to practice hypergamy to gain economic stability, but anyone can practice it today.

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Section 1 of 6:

What is hypergamy?

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   In social science, hypergamy is simply the practice of “marrying up.” Lovz describes it as “the tendency to seek a romantic or marital partner perceived as having higher social status, resources, education, attractiveness, influence, or other desirable traits.” She adds, “Historically, the term was most often used to describe women marrying ‘up’ in social class, but today, people of all genders can exhibit hypergamous preferences.”

   • In the past, marrying up was necessary for women to gain safety and security due to inequality in educational and financial opportunities (think Bridgerton or Pride & Prejudice).
   • The word hypergamy comes from the Greek prefix hyper, meaning over or above, and the suffix gamia, meaning marriage or union. It quite literally just means to marry above.

   Meet the wikiHow Expert

   Emyli Lovz is a dating and relationship coach and the founder of emlovz. She helps people find healthy relationships and couples strengthen their partnership through her coaching programs.
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   Hypergamy is more about social status and security than physical appearance. Contrary to what current internet trends may tell you, hypergamy is historically not about looks. It’s a social and economic practice that allows for upward movement when it comes to status and security. Traditionally, this means a tendency to marry someone with a higher income.

   • Example: In Pride & Prejudice, Charlotte Lucas marries Mr. Collins to get out of her parents’ home and gain economic stability. This elevates her class status.
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   TikTok users tend to define hypergamy as harsh female pickiness. “The modern conversation around hypergamy is often more controversial than the academic definition,” says Lovz. Currently, many internet users are depicting hypergamy as a biological female tendency that makes it harder for men to find sexual and romantic partners. There is paranoia, especially in the manosphere, that women are inclined to ditch male partners when someone more attractive, wealthy, or educated comes along. This has led to pressure to looksmax and increase SMV, or sexual market value.

   • Why is TikTok talking about hypergamy? User @yo_talks posted a TikTok saying an OKCupid blog post from 2009 sparked the discussion about women being selective about physical appearance, and that TikTok users have misapplied the information.
   • Keep reading to learn more about TikTok’s misconceptions about hypergamy.
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Section 2 of 6:

Who practices hypergamy?

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   In the modern world, anyone can practice hypergamy. It’s not exclusive to women, despite what Reddit may tell you. All hypergamy means is marrying someone who, in some way, has more of an economic or social advantage than you. This is a practice anyone is capable of—regardless of gender or sexuality. Here are a couple ways different people might practice hypergamy:

   • A guy starts dating a girl with a wider social circle than him so he can network with more people.
   • A girl starts dating another girl who makes more money than her for the financial benefits.
   • A guy with a bachelor’s degree starts dating a guy with a PhD and benefits from his academic and professional connections.
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   In the past, women were more likely to practice hypergamy. This is because women had fewer educational and financial opportunities than men. For centuries, women needed to marry up in order to have security and safety. Now that women are receiving more equal opportunities, hypergamy is not limited to being a female practice.
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Section 3 of 6:

Why is hypergamy a thing?

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   Female hypergamy is rooted in historical gender norms. Back before love matches in marriage became the norm, women who wanted financial security had to marry up. The expectation used to be that women would rely on men for economic stability, and so, hypergamy was born.

   • “One theory is that throughout human history, women often benefited from choosing partners who could provide protection, resources, and stability during pregnancy and child-rearing. Men, meanwhile, often prioritized different traits such as youth and fertility,” explains Lovz. But she adds that “these are population-level tendencies, not rules for individuals.”
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   Nowadays, hypergamy likely comes from a desire for status. Psychologists believe that the desire for status is actually a fundamental human trait. This isn’t limited to any gender or social group. Hypergamy is all about climbing the status ladder, something that just about everyone wants to do. If you see examples of hypergamy in your daily life, you might just chalk it up to human nature.

   • Lovz says that today, this tendency is often fueled by technology and dating apps. Because people have the choice of more potential partners, Lovz says it can create the perception that there is always someone better available.
   • “People often seek partners who improve their quality of life, social standing, opportunities, or security,” agrees Lovz. She says examples of this include preferring a financially responsible partner, wanting someone ambitious, or being attracted to education, competence, or leadership.
   • That said, Lovz notes that hypergamy may not be as widely practiced as people think. “Most long-term couples are not dramatically ‘marrying up.’ Instead, they tend to pair with people similar to themselves in education, intelligence, income, values, and attractiveness. Researchers call this ‘assortative mating.’”
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Section 4 of 6:

Is hypergamy harmful?

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   Hypergamy itself isn’t necessarily harmful. When you strip it down to its basic meaning, hypergamy is essentially just social climbing, or making a connection that gives you influence and status. Being in a hypergamous relationship doesn’t make you a bad or mean person, and many people may not even realize they’re practicing hypergamy. It's also possible to partner with someone you genuinely love who also happens to be socially and/or financially successful.

   • Lovz says that hypergamy can have a positive effect on dating today. She says it can motivate self-improvement, including fitness, career advancement, emotional growth, better social skills, and having high standards for your dating partners.
   • Lovz adds that it can also encourage people to avoid unhealthy relationships, instead seeking compatibility and stability. It can also result in improved financial stability, shared ambition, and stronger support systems.
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   Hypergamous relationships may create uneven power dynamics. Getting into a relationship with someone just because they earn more than you or are more educated can create a power imbalance in your relationship. This isn’t always harmful, but some partners may take advantage of the imbalance. While there’s no shame in desiring a partner who can provide for you, be cautious about focusing solely on material traits when you choose a partner.

   • Some scholars even argue that hypergamy can worsen the wage gap between men and women.
   • Lovz says that negative effects of hypergamy can leave people with inflated expectations when it comes to their dating partners. She adds that it can also lead people to a mindset of perpetually looking for the next thing, and on dating apps, it can result in a relatively small percentage of highly-desirable users getting a disproportionately large share of attention.
   • Additionally, Lovz says that hypergamy can cause people to delay committing to a partner because they believe they can upgrade. And “at the extreme, people can begin evaluating partners like products,” she says, leading them to overvalue traits like income, status, or looks while undervaluing traits like kindness, reliability, character, emotional safety, and shared values. But “those qualities are often stronger predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction,” she adds.
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   Misconceptions of hypergamy can create anxiety and hostility. People who misunderstand what hypergamy actually means may experience anxiety about their chances of finding a partner. Many internet users seem to believe hypergamy means the odds are stacked against them—this has also led to harmful generalizations about women being shallow or harsh.

   • Note: Misunderstanding hypergamy can be harmful to men who think they need to looksmax to get a leg up in the dating world. The existence of hypergamy does not mean you need to change your appearance to find a partner.
   • Make sure you do your research, rather than believing what people on the internet say about social science. One phenomenon doesn’t control your chances of finding love!
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Section 5 of 6:

How does hypergamy affect dating today?

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   Hypergamy may still influence dating decisions today. Typically, hypergamy isn’t something people practice on purpose. While it’s certainly still a reality in many relationships, it’s hard to say whether people are intentionally dating hypergamously or if hypergamous relationships just happen. You don’t need to practice hypergamy if you don’t want to—you should date who you want for the reasons that matter to you.

   • Some psychologists suggest that hypergamy decreases when men and women have equal resources. For dating, this means your earnings may not matter as much when it comes to finding and keeping a partner.
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   Misconceptions of hypergamy may influence approaches and attitudes. If someone is misinformed about hypergamy, they may alter their approach to dating and relationships. Many TikTok and Reddit users in the manosphere believe hypergamy means they need to level up and be “Alpha.” This misled need for “self-improvement” can lead to misogyny and insecurity among men who date women.
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Section 6 of 6:

TikTok’s Misconceptions about Hypergamy

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   Myth: “Hypergamy is exclusive to women.” Nope! While hypergamy may have been gendered back before women had access to education or economic opportunities, that’s not always the case now. Marrying up is no longer gendered, and men can do it too.

   • Need proof? Let’s take a look at Traylor. Taylor Swift’s net worth is over $1 billion, while Travis Kelce’s is around $80 million. In the most basic sense of the word, that’s hypergamy.
   • Plus, “marrying up” isn’t exclusive to straight relationships. A gay man can marry up, a lesbian can marry up, a trans person can marry up… the list goes on.
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   Myth: “All women practice hypergamy, whether they know it or not.” Again, hypergamy is marrying up for status, wealth, or influence. Many TikTokers seem to be under the assumption that hypergamy means being shallow or selective (particularly about physical appearance) in dating—that is simply not accurate. All women may have standards (as most people do), but that is not the same thing as practicing hypergamy.
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   Myth: “Hypergamy means your girlfriend is looking to trade up.” No, the existence of hypergamy does not mean your girlfriend will leave you for the next person who catches her fancy. If your girlfriend loves you, and you’re kind and respectful to her, she should have no reason to up and leave should she meet a wealthy Chad next time she leaves the house.
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   Myth: “You should change your appearance or lifestyle because of hypergamy.” If you’re feeling pressured to looksmax or get on your Alpha grind or whatever, we’re here to tell you it’s not necessary. Hypergamy isn’t an all-powerful force that only Alpha males can overcome—it’s just a fancy word for a social phenomenon. Be kind and respectful, maintain healthy habits, and be yourself. For the right partner, that will be enough.

   • Lovz agrees, and says that the healthiest approach for finding a partner is to have “high standards for character, emotional health, and values; flexible preferences around status markers; and to look for someone who is kind, emotionally mature, reliable, and genuinely excited to build a life with you.”
   • She also notes that "one of the strongest findings in relationship science is that long-term relationship success is predicted less by status and more by factors such as: friendship, trust, emotional responsiveness, conflict management, shared values, and mutual admiration."
   • Lovz adds that researchers like John Gottman have found that "everyday interactions and emotional connection matter more for relationship longevity than prestige, income, or social status alone."
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